Black Poetry : Torture Chamber

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Euphoria, Apr 15, 2002.

  1. Euphoria

    Euphoria Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's cold to the touch, yet it burns my skin,
    I hate this empty chamber that I'mheld within,
    The ropes around my wrists, leave blisters red and sore,
    My body is filled with hatred to the very core,
    Starvation wrecks my body and hunger aches my soul,
    Inside my blackened heart the pit of sadness grows,
    Cold shivers freeze me to the very bone,
    My skin aches for a warm touch, I long to go home,
    Eyes as black as ebony, skin as white as snow,
    I scream my fears aloud, all my pain you know,
    I feel the blood trickle down the side of my face,
    Please somebody help me, save me from this fate,
    Blue and purple bruisie cover my torso and arms
    You promised me security, said you'd keep me from harm,
    All of your words and "I love you"s will never be enough,
    Please just unchain me from this torture you call love.


    15/4/02
    *Emma*
     
  2. brotherman

    brotherman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    nice scribe -big up
     
  3. cleopatrajones

    cleopatrajones Member MEMBER

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    I like this piece. Keep writing.
     
  4. Euphoria

    Euphoria Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks brotherman always great to see you reading my stuff, much appreciated.

    Thank you Cleo, and welcome to our family.
     
  5. Legendof_1_Spirit

    Legendof_1_Spirit Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    OUCH!

    ...<materializes from nowhere>

    This is a very well written poem. I like the pacing and the rhythm and rhyme. It is very visual and does a great job of painting the torture chamber in words. I really love the opening, and the contrast between hot and cold...or in this case so cold it burns. Very nice. You do an excellent job of illustrating pain here.

    <vanishes from sight>...
     
  6. Euphoria

    Euphoria Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow, thank you so much Legendof, I love and appreciate detailed and specific responses. I'm so glad you lilked my piece and visual pictures.
    *Emma*
     
  7. Euphoria

    Euphoria Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I know this is different from my usual style. I used heaps more metahphors and visual words than normal.
    Constructive criticism appreciated and needed.
     
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