Black Spirituality Religion : Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

Discussion in 'Black Spirituality / Religion - General Discussion' started by Nelson Ankh, Feb 16, 2010.

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  1. Nelson Ankh

    Nelson Ankh Banned MEMBER

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    10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

    9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

    8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

    7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

    6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

    5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

    4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


    3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

    2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

    1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian
     
  2. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    Peace

    "let the church say amen-hotep"
     
  3. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LMBAO ROTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  4. Precise Allah

    Precise Allah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Peace,

    I can't even front. I used to be one of them people and it takes one to know one. The only difference with me was, I used to be a Bible thumper so people weren't going to catch me being Biblically unprepared. All it took was a few brothers and sisters pointing out the inconsistencies and then the matchbox house came tumbling down.

    Peace
     
  5. Blackbird

    Blackbird Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    To Kill a Mockingbird.... how about that.....
     
  6. Ikoro

    Ikoro Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This was so hot.

    LOLIZZLE!

    One,

    - Ikoro
     
  7. Onyemobi

    Onyemobi Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Continued...

    Ten More Signs...by Onyemobi

    10. You condemn astrology, but in your Holy Book, it was the stars that the wise men used to find out when and where your Messiah was going to be born

    9. You believe in an "unchanging" God that is a jealous and genocidal being for half of your book, and a sweet caring Father for the other half

    8. You believe that you can have eternal separation from an omnipresent God

    7. You believe in a divine family thats also a broken one (God the Father and Son, but without a Mother)

    6. You quote alleged prophecies about your Messiah that have absolutely nothing to do with him

    5. You actually think that what you learn in Sunday School is considered "history" and "science"

    4. You quote more verses from the Apostle Paul then from the person your religion was named after

    3. You write off all the Christians who committed atrocities as not being "real Christians", and yet those were the same people that created your religion, edited your Holy Book and spread the "Good News" to the whole world

    2. You believe that your Messiah dying was the only way to get to heaven, but forget about the people in your Old Testament that made it to Heaven too

    1. You condemn human sacrifice as being inhumane, and yet you celebrate the fact that your God required it to forgive your sins
     
  8. Nelson Ankh

    Nelson Ankh Banned MEMBER

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    With your permission I will add yours

    Ten More Signs...by Onyemobi

    10. You condemn astrology, but in your Holy Book, it was the stars that the wise men used to find out when and where your Messiah was going to be born

    9. You believe in an "unchanging" God that is a jealous and genocidal being for half of your book, and a sweet caring Father for the other half

    8. You believe that you can have eternal separation from an omnipresent God

    7. You believe in a divine family thats also a broken one (God the Father and Son, but without a Mother)

    6. You quote alleged prophecies about your Messiah that have absolutely nothing to do with him

    5. You actually think that what you learn in Sunday School is considered "history" and "science"

    4. You quote more verses from the Apostle Paul then from the person your religion was named after

    3. You write off all the Christians who committed atrocities as not being "real Christians", and yet those were the same people that created your religion, edited your Holy Book and spread the "Good News" to the whole world

    2. You believe that your Messiah dying was the only way to get to heaven, but forget about the people in your Old Testament that made it to Heaven too

    1. You condemn human sacrifice as being inhumane, and yet you celebrate the fact that your God required it to forgive your sins
     
  9. Rahim

    Rahim Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    these along with the other 10, are why i gave up on christ-insanity in the first place....
     
  10. DARKSIDE MAGICK

    DARKSIDE MAGICK Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    HMMMMMMMMMMM.... I TURN ON THE LIGHT AND THE ROACHES SCATTER.
     
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