TOP TEN SATIRES IN THE NEW TESTAMENT By Andre Austin The Roman Empire under the Flavians had the Gospels written as a satire, parody and lampoon of the militaristic Messianic movement of the Sicari/Zealot movement in Judea that fought against Rome coloniasm, slavery and taxation. The Zealots and Sicari were offshoots of the five Maccabees brothers who fought Rome for the right to practice their religion-to eat what they saw fit, circumcise, self-defense upholding the Sabbath and other matters. The Gospels were written to get the Jews to compromise everything objection the Maccabee’s and zealots/Sicari didn’t want to submit to. Here is a list of some events that were design to dehumanize and demonize religious peoples by government psychological warfare aiming to pacify and to get obedience. The biggest trick of them all of all time was having the Anti-Christ write the NT and have to worship the father and son of Vespasian and Titus instead of the Sicari/Zealot movement that was for the violent overthrow of Rome. Christianity is just the opposite of what it appears to be. 1. The Word Gospels means good news of military victory and not spiritual enlightenment. Jesus meant savior and Christ meant messiah. A messiah that would use military means to overthrow Rome’s occupation. The Gospels portray a non-violent Messiah that reverses and flips the Jewish religion making it anti-history and anti-religious. 2. The Gospel isn’t History but Anti-history. It’s a parody of Jesus ministry of Titus military events recorded in Josephus War of The Jews. For example Saul/Paul name change has nothing to do with religion but only his penis castration. Paul in Greek means Tiny. The same fate fell on Peter who lost his Peter before he was turned upside down on a cross facing the ground earth. It had nothing to do with him wanting to be executed in the opposite direction of Jesus but Roman mockery of How Peter was captured underground cave beneath the earth. The Vatican came in on the joke by keeping a bronze statute of a Rooster with a penis replacing his beak. A new group of fab five Maccabee like fighters emerging up out of the ground would be the fictional Jesus and his brothers in the New Testament deceiving Jews/Christians into submitting and worshiping Rome ( WOJ 7 chapter 9:1 & Matthew 13:55). 3. Josephus Bar Matthias ask Titus to bring down three men from a cross from which one survives. Joseph of Arimathea (pun on Mathias) ask permission to bring Jesus body down which survives. There was no city named Arimathea during this time. Taking down the body happens at the place of the skull in gospels but in WOJ at the place of Inquiring minds=same DNA. The joke is the dead skulls lying in a ditch are bundled together brainstorming (inquiring) about how they all got crucified. 4. Thinking about Inquiring Minds “Paul twice parodies the Zealot terminology reversing.. and connecting it instead now to his idea of prophesying and speaking in tongues”-James, the bro of Jesus By Robert Eisenman p.262 5. The Sicarii movement were Jewish assassins turned into Satan/Donkeys. Judas Iscariot last name is a pun on the OT donkey jawbone that used to kill or its back used to carry a burden (Cross). Judas kiss of death with his mouth (jawbone frame of the mouth) on Jesus gets it analogy from Judges 15:16 & Issachar in Genesis 49:14-15.Keep in mind that the word Satan evolved from the Egyptian God Set-Hen which had the head of a Donkey. Vespasian nickname was the mule driver in which he drives Simon/Peter to Rome for the Triumph and his death. 6. Jesus begins his ministry by telling followers they will be fishers of Men. Titus begins his military campaign by fishing Jewish rebels out of the sea with spears. 7. Jesus puts an evil spirit into pigs that’s run over a cliff. Titus rushes Jewish militants over a cliff in the same number. 8. Mt. Gerizzim a location where rebel Jews die of thirst (War of Jews 3, VI 307-313). Jesus made to say he is living water at the same location and no one shall thirst (John 4:7-21) 9. The Second Coming led to believe no one knew the time or place was a sarcastic statement because time was given as a generation (40 years) from his fictional death in 33CE from which the Zealots were defeated at Masada in 73CE 10. Saving the best for last is Jewish rebels dying of starvation from their failed efforts to break a prison wall built by Titus enciring Judea (Luke 19:43) & WOJ 5,12, 499-501. To fight off starvation some of the Jews engaged in Cannibalism. This is the origin of the eucharist and the doctrine of Transubstaniation of eating the flesh of Jesus body. A reckless coincidence is found in the original Maccabee history where an old gray Eleazar refuses to save himself by eating swine. In the WOJ it’s a young infant named Elezaar who is eaten by starving Mary from the house of Hyssop. Osiris has the same Elezarr name whose body is cut up and put back together except for the missing Phallus being eaten by a Nile pike fish. So when the Catholics eat that circular wafer it may be symbolic of the sun and a testicle.