WE Toast Domitian’s Roast: From the Gross to the Most
By Andre Austin
If Muhammad Ali could take off Howard’s Toupee
Then Emperor Domitian’s wig is nothing but fair play
Be a good host to ancient History while at Domitian Roast
The table is spread out like Michael’s Last Supper from Alban Hills we coast
Never forget history because its future reflects the past
His lamb’s wool fake hair died and threw up a volcano’s blast
The Rascality of Domitian’s skull looking like alf alfalfa’s Eagle Notch
They tried to pedigree those bronze Hammer toes; but the operation was botched
Then the Emperor favorite Eunuch he started to admire his locks
I’m a man without all my equipment I want to keep all I got
Domitian eyes got red mad and threw the Eunuch off the Dock
His petrified body was pulled on the sand to rot from the sun that was hot
At least he outlawed castration Eunuch’s no longer harboring dangerous fruit flies
Files almost went extinct in Rome, Domitian put them in coffins I tell no lies
Just ask Vulturnus who lived before the law was changed
Now the girls don’t play with golden locks made deformed and strange
Now he worships Hebe now a Little Child laughs hebephrenic
The cutting has made him mad his niche lights no more without its bic
But Vulturnus got his revenge by lifting Domitian’s woman gown
The crowd laughs out loud for what little they see
Like Steve I will substitute any gown for a Crown
The Praetorian Guards executes the gigglers in the manner of a Public Enemy
I can count well 1, 2, 3 The trinity, Domitian was the last to graft
The Arabs invented algebra so I guess I get Shahidd to teach me higher Math
And then went Statius I can poem down Domitian Road path
And see the Imperium load of a treacherous Bed of a mad man’s Wrath
Avoid Domitian’s circus ask St Paul who had to striped Nakid
They found out he was a living Angel (no penis) from what Titus did
Like Vulturnus bedraggled blonde locks now a memory of his dike it embanks
You’ve siphoned off his obnoxious stain his phallus now in two fishtanks
All the female gladiators laughed and the dwarfs laughed until stricken dead
Paul was his stand up writer until he spoiled like half-baked bread
History has many joys and is filled with many pains
We Roasted it up sometimes out of laughter we get some gains
By Andre Austin
If Muhammad Ali could take off Howard’s Toupee
Then Emperor Domitian’s wig is nothing but fair play
Be a good host to ancient History while at Domitian Roast
The table is spread out like Michael’s Last Supper from Alban Hills we coast
Never forget history because its future reflects the past
His lamb’s wool fake hair died and threw up a volcano’s blast
The Rascality of Domitian’s skull looking like alf alfalfa’s Eagle Notch
They tried to pedigree those bronze Hammer toes; but the operation was botched
Then the Emperor favorite Eunuch he started to admire his locks
I’m a man without all my equipment I want to keep all I got
Domitian eyes got red mad and threw the Eunuch off the Dock
His petrified body was pulled on the sand to rot from the sun that was hot
At least he outlawed castration Eunuch’s no longer harboring dangerous fruit flies
Files almost went extinct in Rome, Domitian put them in coffins I tell no lies
Just ask Vulturnus who lived before the law was changed
Now the girls don’t play with golden locks made deformed and strange
Now he worships Hebe now a Little Child laughs hebephrenic
The cutting has made him mad his niche lights no more without its bic
But Vulturnus got his revenge by lifting Domitian’s woman gown
The crowd laughs out loud for what little they see
Like Steve I will substitute any gown for a Crown
The Praetorian Guards executes the gigglers in the manner of a Public Enemy
I can count well 1, 2, 3 The trinity, Domitian was the last to graft
The Arabs invented algebra so I guess I get Shahidd to teach me higher Math
And then went Statius I can poem down Domitian Road path
And see the Imperium load of a treacherous Bed of a mad man’s Wrath
Avoid Domitian’s circus ask St Paul who had to striped Nakid
They found out he was a living Angel (no penis) from what Titus did
Like Vulturnus bedraggled blonde locks now a memory of his dike it embanks
You’ve siphoned off his obnoxious stain his phallus now in two fishtanks
All the female gladiators laughed and the dwarfs laughed until stricken dead
Paul was his stand up writer until he spoiled like half-baked bread
History has many joys and is filled with many pains
We Roasted it up sometimes out of laughter we get some gains