Black Relationships : To The Sisters--Are YOU Ready for Mr. Right?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Mike Ramey, Oct 7, 2002.

  1. Mike Ramey

    Mike Ramey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey loyal web warriors...Diane Sears comes back to you with the second part of her column on Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man. Her column has a new title...

    MOVING FORWARD WITH DIANE SEARS

    GETTING READY FOR MR. RIGHT/MR. GOOD MAN

    By Diane Sears


    I think you should know that I did not come out of the womb knowing what a Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man would or would not look like, act like, talk like, or think like or the qualities that he looks for in a woman whom he selects to be his wife/partner/team mate (a Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man always thinks in terms of partnership – an equal partnership -- and team effort).

    I HAD NO CLUE!

    I had to be taught what a Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man would or would not look like, act like, talk like or think like and the qualities that he looks for in a woman whom he decides will be his mate.

    Who taught me?

    A Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man!

    Was I ready for HIM when HE walked into my life?

    NO!

    And, if the truth were told, very few of us WILL be ready when Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man DOES!

    I must also confess that although I was clueless, somehow I was able to grasp that there was something different about this man. I didn’t know what it was about him that was different, but I knew that it was something good.

    I sensed that it would be a tragic mistake for me to dismiss this man and to attempt to go through the rest of my life without him. I also knew that there was a price to pay for having this man – a classically trained jazz musician (drummer), sales, success and motivational trainer who was compassionate, wise and disarmingly charming and spoke four languages (Chinese (Mandarin), French, German and Spanish) -- in my life.

    What was the price?

    The price to be paid was one that involved my having to take a serious look at myself -- my perception of the world and my place in it, my beliefs, my strengths and my weaknesses – and do and learn all the things that I needed to do and learn so that I could reach my full potential and become the type of mate that my Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man needed.

    I realized that I had some decisions to make--and some hard questions to ask myself. Could I, after having met this man, do and learn what I needed to do and learn in order to reach my full potential so that I could become the type of mate that my Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man needed and if I could not or was unwilling to do that, could I walk away and carve out a happy, well-rounded and fulfilling life for myself?

    As I said, I had to ask some REALLY hard questions.

    So, how do YOU get ready for YOUR Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man?

    By asking yourself some of the same, serious questions I had to ask.

    Here are some of mine, in no particular order:

    What makes YOU happy? What are YOUR strengths? What are YOUR weaknesses? What are YOUR dreams? What are YOUR goals? What is YOUR mission in life? What do YOU want to do with YOUR life? Can you be honest with yourself? Do you love yourself? DO YOU ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE? Are you comfortable with yourself? Are you comfortable with being alone with yourself for extended periods of time? Can you laugh at yourself? Are you insecure? If so, why?

    There are a few more ahead. No cheating or sidestepping, please!

    What were you taught in your youth about male and female relationships? What do your female friends tell you about male-female relationships? What do your male friends tell you about male-female relationships? Are the folks that have given you advice and are giving you advice about male-female relationships in a stable and happy relationship? What qualities are you looking for in a Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man?

    Are you STILL with me? Let’s move on to a few more.

    What do you look for in a man? What is important to you? Does a man have to own a car, a house, have lots of cash and walk around in Brooks Brothers or Armani suits before you will even think about giving him the time of day? And if you just happen to meet a man who owns a car, a house, has lots of cash and walks around in fine suits, what do YOU have to bring to the table?

    The next questions involve an HONEST look in your own mirror.

    Are you willing to put the needs of your partner ahead of your own in order to assist your partner in resolving a problem or accomplishing his goal? When times are bad – and there will be bad times – will you stand by him? Will you believe in him if when the world turns its back on him? If he should become jobless and is unable to bring money into the home, will you continue to be the loving, warm and caring partner that you were when his money wasn’t funny and quietly and dutifully do all that you can to keep things running smoothly in the household? Will you tell him, “Hey, don’t worry about it, I’ve got your back! I’ll get an extra job or work some overtime hours to help ease the financial burden until you get back on your feet.” And if you do tell him that, will you actually do what you promised to do and do it without getting an attitude or throwing it up in his face? Or will you pack your bags and leave the moment that he tells you that he has lost his job and he won’t be able to bring money into the household for a while? Are you a “fair weather” friend? If he becomes ill, will you stay by his side to comfort him, to care for him, to work with his doctors to help him recover from his illness? Or will you walk away or adopt an “it-ain’t-my-problem” attitude?

    Careful now. We’re heading for the ‘deep water’ with these next questions.

    Will you take advantage of the situation and play games and exploit his vulnerability? When times get rough, can you “hang”? Are you a “giver” or are you a “taker”? What is your attitude about men? Do you feel that men are the “enemies”? Do you have an “us versus them” mentality when it comes to men?

    In other words, exactly what is YOUR deal?

    If you find that you don’t like the answers to the questions that you’ve asked yourself, then DO something about it INSTEAD OF POINTING FINGERS!

    Ladies, in a way the questions are about HIM, but the questions are also about YOU!

    Whether your Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man comes into your life or not, you need to be able to laugh at yourself, love yourself, be comfortable with being alone with yourself for extended periods of time and know what makes you happy and learn to make yourself happy.

    The bottom line here is that YOU have to get YOU together first!

    When you have done that, you will not only be ready for a Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man, you will be able to RECOGNIZE a Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man the moment he strolls in your direction.

    Ladies, if you don’t have your act at least halfway together, not every Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man is in a position to have the time and energy to teach you what you need to know and learn about becoming the mate that a Mr. Right/Mr. Good Man needs.

    As a result of my ‘checking myself‘, I was fortunate enough to spend 22 years with a man who had a dramatically positive impact on my personal and professional development. We BOTH were winners, because I took the time to check myself, and work with the information I had gathered.

    If YOU are truly ready to move forward in life, you have to have a firm grip on who YOU are, before life moves forward on you--and in some cases--over you!

    Diane Sears is the author of: MOVING FORWARD, a syndicated, monthly column written for women to answer some of those ‘tough issues’ of life. Sears is the Managing Editor of the IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD Magazine, and CEO of BSI-International, out of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. To correspond, email to [email protected]. ©2002 Diane Sears/BSI International.

    (Used with permission of author)
     
  2. misty

    misty Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very good article, many should read this.

    Misty
     
  3. redlady

    redlady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very good article, and after 10 years of marriage, I think it's time that I re-check myself...cause you may have it altogether in the begining, but every relationship can use a tune up for sho! Thanks for the read.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    a very very good article
    and i hope everyone take a peep inside it
     
  5. Solo

    Solo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Man, this Diane Sears lady is a bonafide GENUIS. I'm going 2 save this one 2 file and read it to myself when I feel down.
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    this was a deep read what do y'all think of this sista Diane Sears views !

    i wanted to bring it back up .......are you ready for Mr.Right / sir Good Man
     
  7. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have read this article before. I think what Diane Sears is speaking of is taking a no nonsense, intense look in the mirror, to determine if you can clearly see where you have been, where you stand presently, and where you want to go. It has to do with taking responsibility for your own life, and respecting the life of the one you are interested in sharing yours with. In a nutshell, she is just saying to be as honest as you possibly can, even if it hurts, and I agree with that.
     
  8. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :) this is beautifull......



    today and these days i thought about that....

    deepy and its so funny that you put down this topic here....


    thank you and thank you lord....


    i know i defenatly have to work on some things of my self..
    before i become the missses right for mista right..
    before i can become one...with him...



    LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

    god even spoke to me the last time with THUNDER...
    and i mean with real thunder..
    ""NO you spend time with me now ...so i can mold you more""

    ""'and i will show you when its time""



    One time i know and lord knows that ill stand next to him...
    if the love is real and he realy loves me..
    "'i even imagine the worst casses what could happen to him that i would stand by his side"" I mean i stood by my past partner his side (i waited for him2 years when he was in jail and some dont understand how hard that was and i was his back when he came back)
    I defently learned a lot from this relationship Some things i would do different now and some things i would do the same ,cause lord showed me that those things were nor wrong...
    i will stand by his side as long as i dont have to admire the beast ...
    there our ways separate...
    I feel comvertable on being my own ...Lord knows we have the greatest time together ......Lord and i even dance sumthimes and than we rock the house..I,m always busy inproving reniuewing the talents he gave me.....
    only now now and than ..i just long for the warmth and just long for him and lord underdtands that to....I dont mind being with friends or family to ..i like it..
    but i,m not longing for a friendship or fam anymore.( i have my moments ofcourse i,m human)..if it comes on my path ..i mean people who realy like me and want to hang with me because they like me for who i am .......than that is beautifull...and if not i,m still happy cause i got that real friend you know...



    i survive with him..



    but yes there are some things that i have to work on..



    so that i,ll be ready...




    for real love.....



    for the one..






    Loveauroraflower:heart:
     
  9. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks brother mike:heart:
     
  10. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    Ooooo-WEEEE!

    Lawd, have mercy!.....This was some CHU'CH up in heah! :bowdown:

    She put the SMACK DOWN in all the right places!


    This was written to Black women but it is also a good read for Black men as well!

    We could ALL learn something from this article!

    We could ALL take these same questions and apply them, outwardly and inwardly, to ourselves!


    Amen! AMEN! AND AMEN!
     
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