Time For Black Fathers To Have Peace

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by Mike Ramey, Aug 23, 2002.

  1. Mike Ramey

    Mike Ramey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This column is in response to those who don't 'think' that Black fathers are pulling their weight in the home. The reality may cause you to think!

    WHEN WILL BLACK FATHERS BE ALLOWED PEACE?

    The African American father of today is carrying a triple load.
    First, a firm MAJORITY of us are working to support, provide, and raise our OWN families.

    Second, a firm MAJORITY of us are helping to ‘mentor’ or ‘raise’ children from single parent homes.

    Third, a firm MAJORITY of us are working IN and AROUND many of our local communities to help steer many of our young men AND young women away from the streets, and into responsible and upright living.

    In my neck of the mighty Midwest, we have Black fathers who are patrolling the hallways of local high schools. We have Black fathers (along with Black mothers) who patrol one of our major shopping malls a few hours per weekend to keep OUR young people from running headlong into trouble with the law. We have other Black fathers working in their local houses of worship with young men in their congregations. We have other Black fathers working with youth who have been incarcerated, or jailed for crimes committed.

    You won’t see many of us doing these things, because it is more important--in our view--to get the job done, rather than pose for the cameras, or appear on talk shows explaining why we do, what we do. But it SURE would be nice for many in our communities to take the time to remember that they have gotten where they are thanks to TWO people. A Black mother and a Black father.
    Not only is this the truth, and not a ‘self-esteem’ lesson, but also this is REALITY.

    But it SURE would be nice to find some peace, among our people, in many of our communities. I’ll be happy to explain why, in just a few lines.

    SELF-ESTEEM MORE IMPORTANT THAN TRUTH?

    African American men in general, and African American fathers in particular have been poked, prodded, studied, examined, and re-examined over the last 30 years by a host of sociologists, psychologists, MSWs, counselors, ‘Think Tanks’ (both Democrat and Republican), economists, feminists, multi-culturalists, diversity speakers and media pundits--of various races.

    We’ve been ‘chewed on’ by our women (single and/or married), ‘gossiped about’ in various magazine publications, and ‘grilled’ by our youth.

    But then--along comes Michael Jordan who honors his late father.

    But then--along comes Tiger Woods who honors his father.

    But then--along comes the Williams sisters who honor their father.

    And ALL the critics can find is that the soft, fuzzy, feel good ‘self-esteem rhetoric’ has been firmly replaced by the truth of a strong WORK ethic! The critics find that there are SOME--if not MANY--Black fathers who still believe: “If you WANT something, you have to WORK for it--and self-esteem DOES NOT pay bills, win scholarships, or championships!”

    Yes, say what you want about the problems that may plague our communities. However, many of the problems can be traced to three things: Rebellion, Compromise, and a lack of listening to one’s father!

    Yes, the feminized mainstream entertainment and media may portray that ‘Father DON’T Know Best’, but the truth is right in front of many of us. Dad is pretty wise, as he’s come through the battles of life and helped put YOU here!

    A GRIM REALITY:

    If I may get biblical for a moment, one of the Ten Commandments holds that we are to honor BOTH our father and mother, so that our lives may be long upon this earth.
    To make it short and sweet, we can’t honor one OR the other, we have to honor BOTH! Not because it is ‘politically correct’, but because it is RIGHT!

    I’ve noticed over this past summer the flurry of articles about why young men are not entering nor graduating from many of our colleges and universities as fast as young women. Could it be that they don’t want to go where they are NOT wanted? I’ve also read a few articles on why young men are not ‘anxious’ to get married and raise families.

    Could it be that many young women are fearful of commitment?
    Among the brotherhood, it is common knowledge that more than a few young men have had the ring, the preacher, and the rice ready--but the young women wanted to ‘find themselves’ and nixed the idea of marriage.

    Then, to round out my summer, I read several articles and commentaries about what fathers ‘should’ be doing, or are ‘not’ doing, or ‘can’t’ do. Well, unless one has taken a good look at what fathers ARE doing, could it be that the critics don’t want to see?
    The grim reality of many an ‘expert’ is that they often comment without doing their homework. If they have an ax to grind about their own upbringing, why try to paint ALL fathers with the same brush, just because THEIR father wasn’t perfect.

    WOULDN’T TRADE A THING:

    In truth, there are NO perfect earthly fathers or mothers. Our parents were not perfect, and neither were their parents.
    Confidentially, society--no matter how it may try to ‘spin’ itself--is not perfect as well! But, African American fathers are NOT the problem; they are part of the solution!

    America has found out the hard way that famed saying of T. D. Jakes: “A nation of women can not raise up a nation of men!” That became clear on September 11th, 2001 as the nation watched scores of Black and White men--many of them fathers--rush into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon to save lives. Or the Black and White men--many of them fathers--who took on various hijackers on those planes that missed their intended targets.

    Those fathers deserve to have peace.

    So do the REST of us.

    As a father, I’ve had my share of heartaches and headaches, but I wouldn’t trade one of them to be a ‘wise’ critic of fatherhood. To those who like to criticize, but don’t have kids of their own, here’s a novel suggestion: Put aside your selfishness and ‘self-esteem’, get married, and have some kids of your own!

    Then, you will understand what I’ve been writing about.

    Then, you will understand what your OWN fathers have tried to tell YOU!

    Mike Ramey is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE. A syndicated, monthly column, written from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective. Email welcome to manhood [email protected]. ©2002 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International (3).
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    in total agreement Mike u hit a masterful piece of reality here
    a billboard showcase a talk show host
    man ya so right here i'm jumpin and saying Amen
    somebody finally bringing da truth out........Thanks my two sons
    had to read this ....... speaketh as u feel brutha coz ya words
    alive and real ......(( I HEAR YA ) loud and clear
     
  3. Mike Ramey

    Mike Ramey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks, Rich!

    Now, all we got to do is pass it on!

    Print it off so some of their friends can see it. Get the discussion started! Your sons are going to be the NEXT generation of Black Fathers on the horizon. They've got to learn about Black manhood NOW, because the feminized, mainstream forces of this world are going to try to make Punks out of them.

    Keep the faith, man. Sounds like you've got two great future warriors there in the Windy City.

    Mike Ramey
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Mike ya right because i've seen the down side of it
    that's making a mad destructional bliss in da man hood
    of the furture Kingz , study show this transaction forming
    to a ball of creation indeed this need to be pass on in ever
    household that bare a male most def i'll be pushing trying
    to teach and show what a true man is how a true man stand
    thanks 4 this very much needed info...
     
  5. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well thought out...well articulated...well said! This is an excellent message. I don't know where brother Ramey went, but I wish he would return to give his wisdom to Destee.com!
     
  6. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    That's deep.
     
  7. Ralfa'il

    Ralfa'il Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Mike

    I concur with the others....

    Although I disagree with the METHOD and REASONING most bruthaz use in having and taking care of their children....most of them are atleast making an attempt to make things work.

    Actually I see just as many black fathers with their children as white fathers with theirs.


    Three things I see that disturb me:

    1. I don't like how so many bruthaz are having children out of wed lock

    2. I don't like how so many bruthaz are separted or on bad terms with the mothers of thier children.

    3. I don't like how so many bruthaz have/make children without first planning on how they will take care of them and provide financial support for them and the mother.


    So yes, most of them have their heart in the right place, but are un disciplined and organized...so the damage is still being done.
     
  8. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ralfa'li, true dis! I don't think most African American men know what being a father is all about, as so many of our children(males and females) grow up without dad...

    This thing has bothered me for more than 25 years... It has torn our communities to shreds, and all the while we have African people saying that FATHERS AREN"T NECESSARY... One of these persons is one of my, and the world's, favorite and most celebrated writers, Ms. Toni Morrison, whom on more than one Oprah Show, I've heard say, that babies born outta wedlock is alright as long as the family support system is strong.... Bull doo doo!

    Is the Family Support all Female??? That aint no family - unless family is defined as mama and her 5 lil chillun... That's a confused people who think a man is not necessary to the family... and I must say that it is a confused man who grows up without the guidance of a man and father... That is why so many of our young brothers are so angry and resentful and distrustful of the older generation of Black Men - and women for that matter...

    O.K., end of my rant...

    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  9. Ralfa'il

    Ralfa'il Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Isaiah

    Repect



    The reason why so many people are casualy saying that "fathers aren't necessary" is because we have a massive government that not only protects but provides for many of our women and the children we produce with them.

    When it comes to provision....they don't rely on thier men...

    They rely on the goverment for jobs, social benefits, health care.


    When it come for protection....they don't rely on thier men anymore...

    They rely on the police, the sheriffs, the judges, lawyers to keep order, protect them, and get retribution.


    So they figure that men aren't "needed" anymore.

    They may want a man every now and then for entertainment or sexual pleasure, but men aren't needed in their lives anymore...not even as fathers.



    You're right about so many young bruthaz growing up angry, hateful, and resentful.

    Most young bruthaz grew up without a father in the home..or atleast an abusive one.

    The only person who ever did for them was "mamma" so they only trust and respect women.

    They still harbor that hate and resentment towards that man who abandoned them and every black man they see on the street sub-concioiusly reminds them of the father that was never there.

    This is why so many of our young bruthaz wouldn't think twice about snatching out a gun and killing that person who represents "daddy".
     
  10. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is all true, but this didn't happen over night. All these social patterns, and change in the family structure of the African American community was literally decades in the making. However too many of us have been slow to react to it.
     
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