Black Relationships : Thug or not...what do you like?


Well-Known Member
Mar 19, 2001
Baltimore, Md.
Teacher of English, Literature & Poetry
I recently stumbled across a conversation with soem brothers who addressed the circumstances of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. They were talking about the difference between them and how they hooked up. there is a trend occurring in the black community where woman AND men who are "considered" white collar professional or "bougie" even "Carlton and Hilary from Fresh Prince" are coupled with thug mentality individauls or "Ryde or Die Chicks" and "Roughnecks." Videos such as Da' Brat's and Mc Lyte's have initially stated that they are lloking for a more "urbanesque" type brotha who can "drag the timb's with the pants sagging" The brothas is pairing up with women such as the LOCS sound "Ryde of Die Chick" and even DMX's "What you want from me?"

The question for today is: "What is it that you look for in your mate?" Now i'm not asking about their spiritual level. (if i was i would have posted it in my forum.) What I'm looking for is some truth here. Why is there such an attraction for an "Aropund the way gurl" or a "roughneck." Is the days of smooth brothers like Shemar Morre being replaced by the likes of Jahiem, Tank, Joe, Tyrese, etc.?

Speak your mind...
Couldn't Resist

Some people think of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston as an odd couple when they are very much the same. Whitney is thought to be different from Bobby because of her looks and soe of the songs she has written for her, but that is confusing glitter with the gold. They are much the same.

But on to your question. Personally, I care for women who don't need me to do anything except be their companion and love. I don't care for "needy" women. Independence and intellectualism appeal to me. However, I definitely like a woman who is afraid to be a "a lady in the street" and "freaky in the bedroom" to steal a phrase from Betty Wright.

There is a "thug" mentality that "some" have bought into, but I think it is more hype than reality in mainstream African America. I believe a woman wants a man who is a provider as well as protector, who knows what to do with a woman and is not afraid to ask if he does not. Some say gangsters need love too and that is fine, but when you lay down with a snake, you sholdn't be surprised if you get bit.

Some people change and I hate to put people into categories. However, ones track record cannot be ignored. Beaters, thieves, cheaters and drug abusers tend to stay the same and when we become involved with them we take the chance of becoing like them or suffering because of our association with them. When the police come they take everyone.

I know I've said far too much and have left out the clear exceptions, have over generalized, but in a short reply this is the best I can do. However, for me I still must admit one thing, I am still attracted to a "cheap, whorish looking woman" because my hormones say here is someone I can (((exscuse me))) "**** and forget" even thought that may not be the case because looks are decieving as we all know.

very few can say so much in so few words...thanks for your response...

I am glad you brought up the fact the Whitney and Bobby are so much alike. The concpet that i left out intentionally was that many who have considered themselves as ones who are "moving on up to da east side" have unfortunately forgotten where they came from. Now i'm not saying all for that would be generalizing but when you have movies that protray ou successful blackmen who have made it either falling in love with a "around the way girl" or needing to be deprogrammed as one movie put it. Unfortunately i cannot remember the names of the movies but one was a spike Lee joint with Ving Rhames and the other had Tommy Davidson and Halley Berry. Another movie somes to mind is "Woo" and many more where the persona is a successful brother or sister in the white collar world of Wall street falls in love with a "rough around the edges" or "ghetto" girl of guy and in the midst of loving them must face the realtiy of where they have been for so long.

As for me i prefer a woman of class, not stature, with some "round the way" or "Ruff Ryder" in them. Even recently i've had people wonder how my lady, who is very articulate and cultrued can e with a "thug mentality" such as I. I feel comfortable in Timbs and jeans but i also feel just as comfortable in a suit. he "roughneck" mentaltity will draw the "roughneck" mindset. Although its good to be around one for you know they will protect you, an you really know just how far the "roughneck " will go? Just because one wants sex like in "Belly" is one really willing to sacrifice personal security? There are limits but i curious to where you draw the line...

Confidence in one's manhood is more important than portraying the thug life. Ask Tupac...if you can find him...
I Hope This Trend Will End Too

I hope this trend will end too, but I seriously doubt it. I feel especially sorry for their children. I guess I am just old fashioned, but I still believe a neatly dressed man is still nicer to behold. He doesn't have to have on designer clothes...just be neat and "care" about his appearance. The thug look may appeal to some, but when a neatly dressed brother appears, he still turns heads on a dime.

To me, there is nothing appealing about a sloppy (draws showing, pants 4x too big, shoes untied, hair uncombed, nasty mouth) man. I definitely couldn't see one of these as a husband.
If he doesn't care about his appearance, he certainly won't care about a lot of other (with very rare exceptions) things of importance either.

But if a man combs his hair, ties his shoe strings, wears clothes that fit properly and is not prone to follow silly trends just because they are fashionable, then that man will get my attention every time. Because if he cares about his appearance, most likely, he will care about other things of importance too.
how true joyce. I used to be a thug and there are times when the style of dress comes out. TO me it's just comfortable. I not one to be abusive to my mate not speak to her in a negative tone but i do know that there are some who very much desire a well dressed man but underneath was a little thug in their life too. One young lady told me that a thug "keeps it real" and she feels secure around them.

You know what's funny to me? I find that here, the well dressed men attract the "thuggish" type females (around the way girls) while the thugs attract the well dressed woman. It has happened in my life so many times over. It's a trend that i still haven't figured out.

thanks for your input on this subject for i was just curious. For the record? I'm a "thug for Christ" in other words i deal specifially in "Urban ministry." There are times when my style of dress affects who i can minister too... I walk amongst them but i am set apart...

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