Black Poetry : Thoughts of Suicide

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Defiantson, Aug 29, 2006.

  1. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thoughts of Suicide

    I stood there for a minute
    Contemplating
    Thinking, wondering, pondering
    I wanted to do it
    But something
    Said NO
    Everything was prepped
    letters written
    signed
    my will was just not there

    standing
    In one hand a clip
    in the other
    A nickel plated 9
    With an Ivory grip
    at the exact moment
    When I shoved
    The clip into its chamber
    I heard a voice

    It wasn’t
    An ordinary voice
    It was my daughter
    Calling me
    Daddy, daddy
    Where are you
    at that point
    Tears began to role out my eyes

    I couldn’t fathom
    Her seeing me
    In a never waking sleep
    then it happened
    I pulled the trigger
    Only to shut up the air
    catching my breath
    Holding the barrel of the gun
    To my temple

    I cried
    like I never cried before
    tears in my eyes
    Began to flow
    Flowing like a waterfall
    Filling up the River Nil
    They did not stop
    then I heard her voice again
    This time it was
    Even louder then before

    instantly felling to my knees
    Looking at the crucifix
    On my wall
    scream like a wild man
    Lord why the hell
    Did this happen to me
    What have I done to deserve
    This agony
    Why me

    I’ve had sleepless night
    Countless fights
    Turmoil with in my life
    now this
    How could you

    cancer in my body
    growing rapidly doubling
    24 hours a day
    Doctor telling me
    I have 2 years left

    Why wait to live
    this agony
    This misery,
    This senseless pity
    Has my life
    Not been hard enough
    Why are you
    Punishing me

    then her voice
    Called me again
    This time more beautiful
    Then before
    uplifting my spirit
    My internal being
    Still at a frenzy
    Nervous,
    Scared,
    Emotional

    then she spoke to me
    Telling me to stand up
    suck up
    My screams of pity
    What good are you dead?

    I thought to myself
    killing myself today
    would only
    Make my child
    A bastard

    Still these thoughts
    Keep entering my mind
    like an eternal battle
    With no end
    looking
    At my daughters picture
    With tears of fear
    I could not do it

    My love for her
    Was what saved me
    now this cancer
    Didn’t matter
    It’s been 9 months
    With no trace of

    But this turmoil
    Inside of me
    Will live
    Eternally ​
     
  2. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Please don't just read, leave a comment let me know how it makes you feel.

    Mannie
     
  3. Sodwn2earth

    Sodwn2earth Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It makes me feel sad and afraid for you.........
     
  4. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Believe you me, I would never do anything like that. Its was a period of my life that I was going through.
     
  5. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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  6. twision

    twision Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This piece provokes deep emotion.
    I'd be a liar if I said I've never felt this way.

    The writing itself has a fitting structure....like a story.
    Great writing! I loved the way you explored the emotion.

    How does this make me feel...
    hmmm....
    Like I'm not alone.
    Good job poet

    Peace and love
    twision
     
  7. choclatangel

    choclatangel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very powerful piece poet. Brought tears to my eyes, I've been at the same point in my life. And I can honestly say if it wasn't for my Godson I would not be alive today.
     
  8. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thank you all so much I can't lie when I wrote this I cried myself plus when I preform it its emotional. So again thanks all.

    Mannie
     
  9. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

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    well

    at least you found strength through your daughter

    i think every American
    has thought of suicide

    if you haven't ignorance is bliss

    life is hard but i think this episode can and will make your stronger

    DSS
     
  10. TreasureEyes

    TreasureEyes Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    my brotha I applaud you
    for not committing
    suicide. Your daughter
    needs you. Your
    will and determination
    said "NO, its
    not time for
    us to go"!
    God created
    you for a purpose.

    Check out a piece I
    dedicated to the nubian
    brothas called
    ^5 Nubian Brothas ...
    I hope it soothes your
    spirit and lift your
    etheric being.

    Peace!
     
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