Black Relationships : This sounds retarded, but I need your opinion

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by intolerant, Jun 11, 2003.

  1. intolerant

    intolerant Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 18, 2003
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    3
    Ratings:
    +4
    Can you give me YOUR OWN definition of what you think a ***** is. If you are wondering why I am asking you that, well I am asking because my boyfriend threw a temper tantrum last night, because I was trying to ask him if he is being faithful to me. He got mad and called me a "****in' *****". And he told me that I act like I do not trust him, because I keep on asking him. So I am in a suffering mood today, trying to think about ways to not say much to him. He wants me to move back to Kansas City where I came from, just because I told him that I do not appreciate his dirty language around me. So I want to know in your opinion, what do you think a ***** is. In my opinion, of intellect, if he is calling me a *****, then he is calling me domineering, lewd, and as well as mailicous. Can you guys tell me what YOUR definition of ***** is.

    Thank you very much
     
  2. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,379
    Likes Received:
    1,434
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,869
    intolerant...my sister....I've read other messages you have posted here and I want to share a few things with you.

    First, we request that posters do not use language that appears on our "banned" word list. The name of a female dog used in the context to insult a female is one of those words. Please review the forum rules by clicking on the link at the top of each forum page to familiarize yourself with the rules here and comply.

    Second, I must agree with Kemestry...you and your "friend" appear to have a lot of drama in your relationship. You write as though you're unhappy in the relationship, you come here for advice about what to do, yet you stay in the relationship. Does this sound healthy to you?

    I'm sure that anyone who is computer literate knows full well what the definition of that word is. I'm sure you have access to a dictionary if you don't. If nothing else, We don't need to generate a whole discussion about it when we hear it used so often around us.

    I would guess that since you didn't take what your boyfriend said to mean he was paying you a compliment, what does it matter knowing many different people's definition of the offensive word?

    I don't think we want to encourage people to express to you and others something as derogatory and demeaning as what you prompt by the focus of this thread. Trust me, it serves no value and only serves to perpetuate a negative situation. Don't just come with the problem...bring some solutions with you sister!

    You seek advice here? Well, I would suggest that you re-evaluate your relationship with someone who treats you as you describe. If you don't like it, then raise up and do something to change it. If you are willing to settle for this treatment, then live with it and stop complaining. Let your behavior be consistent with your words. That's the best advice I can offer you at this time.

    Of course, we only have your side of the story so people are only going to feed off of what information you supply us with.

    I sincerely hope you make the BEST choice for you!

    Peace :heart:
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    it's a female four leg dog ..............
    to call a woman such is very disrespectful
    if he truely love u he wouldn't say it
    it allows u to see how he really feel
    it's a low blow to any woman these are words of hate
    surely ur not what one so called u out to be.....
    ur more then that myth of speaking and know ya a Queen
    the mess is crazy stuff i think u need to look twice at him
    u ask if he's being faithful and he blow up taking it somewhere
    else trust had nothing to do with it ...that tells u he's doing
    something not right .....in due time it will come to light for eyes to
    see but to call u this was low .......u will have to think about this
    and work it out within self ........if u allow him to say this and treat u this way ur headed for self destruction ......stop him now and ur allow to ask question no reason to blow up
    u did nothing wrong good luck on this word play drama...
     
  4. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2002
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    10
    Occupation:
    System Administrator
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Ratings:
    +11
    That word is similar to the n-word in that it depends on who is saying it and context in which it is spoken.

    I've heard women use that word to describe themselves in a complimentary fashion and some wear it like a badge of honor.

    I've heard men use that word toward other men which tends to provoke violence immediately afterward.

    I've heard men use that word toward his woman and she doesn't take it as a derogatory term.

    I've heard women use that word in describing another woman that somehow elevates her image in a positive swing and I've heard women use that word to assasin someone's character.

    -AND- I've heard men use that word toward women in the fashion of your post, which only you can interpret the meaning and context in which it was spoken. From just reading your post...the interpretation of the context is not readily clear to me cause those same words can be spoken to a woman and it will cause her to smile.

    I agree with Thandiwe in another thread on that word....that a word that's gotta GO...but it yield so much power and used by so many...it ain't going nowhere :)
     
  5. eeshfromphilly

    eeshfromphilly Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2003
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    Your boyfriend sounds abusive.
     
  6. SwtT

    SwtT Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2003
    Messages:
    2,752
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Educational/Human Resources field
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Ratings:
    +28
    It's a word that,upon being called by your supposed "man", you need to drop him like he's a disease and go find a cure....I'm sorry but I'm gonna be real--it seems like you ak the answers-- yet you know that you know them. Regardless of what the "definition" is in OUR opinion...What does it mean to you? To me it seems like him callin you a b**ch was as normal as saying "Hello"...You need to really sit down and think b/c I ,personally, would NEVER let my boyfriend call me that word..and he would definitly be packing...first he's calling you out your name, next thing you know he's hitting you....if he isn't hitting you already.............. I hope that you take what I'm trying to say to the head :heart:

    SwtNess
     
  7. Maat

    Maat Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2003
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    Intolerance,

    Before I begin, I need you to know that no disrespect is intended, so please do not read it that way.

    Please tell me or at least have a long hard think about why you are in this "relationship"? All it seems to be doing is making you unhappy. I chose not to address your initial post but only because of the fact that looking beyond your need for defination of what you already know, all I can see is misery. We may not be hearing the whole side of the story but what you have been writing sounds extremely unhealthy.

    Why are you engaged to this man? Do you think marriage is going to change the way both of you are towards each other? Trust me, you will only make things worse.

    This man does not sound like he respects you if he is talking to you in this way, but you are not respecting yourself either for letting him. Everyone has insecurities of some sort or another, but how we chose to deal with them can work out to be detrimental or advantagous. Him having outbursts all the time sounds like there are personal things going on for him that keep being overlooked. Maybe he doesn't even realise that there is a deeper issue.

    I know what you are doing is trying to accommodate him and be there for him but what about you Sis? Do you want the REST OF YOUR LIFE to follow this path? REMEMBER: When you agree to marry someone you are making a commitment for LIFE. Why do you think so many Sisters and Brothers are scared of that commitment? Have you asked your partner if he really does want to get married? Maybe he feels pressured in that way but would rather not say.

    Don't both of you deserve to be happy in some way, even if that way is not with one another?

    You must have the strength to see that this may not work out. Do you guys ever talk deeply about how you feel in your relationship or do you sweep things under the carpet?

    I am already concerned and I've only been here two minutes!!

    You guys need to talk serious unless you want to keep going round in never ending circles. The more I type, the more I think you need to BE STRONG AND MOVE ON!!

    Good Luck :heart:
     
  8. Regina

    Regina Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2002
    Messages:
    324
    Likes Received:
    2
    Occupation:
    Engineer
    Location:
    Metro Atlanta
    Ratings:
    +2
    You definitely need to leave the relationship for your own emotional health. The fact he wants you to move back to Kansas City, your hometown, should tell you he doesn't want the relationship anymore.
     
Loading...
Similar Threads - sounds retarded need
  1. UBNaturally
    Replies:
    3
    Views:
    276
  2. chuck
    Replies:
    26
    Views:
    1,058
  3. Gorilla

    Computers - Software Hardware : Failing Hard Drive Sounds

    Replies:
    0
    Views:
    385
  4. ru2religious
    Replies:
    4
    Views:
    893
  5. cherryblossom
    Replies:
    6
    Views:
    611