Black Relationships : This Is Devastating, and I'm LOST

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by faith01, Jan 4, 2006.

  1. faith01

    faith01 Member MEMBER

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    I had wrote previously, and I was so hopeful because my dad's situation was over, at least I thought.My dad is facing sentencing tomorrow for trafficking, and my fiance is involved but he wasn't arrested because he wasn't with my father when he was stopped. I begged them not to do this, but greed is a powerful situation. My truck was impounded due to the way they handled everything ( mind you, I had NO idea), and my fiance have spent more than $20,0000 because of the situation. Now, I'm at the point where I don't know what to do., I've spent at least $3,000 in collect calls which I don't mind, but now I have to face paying my father's bills, which I refuse to abandon him because he is the only person that makes me feel HUMAN. He's the only person close to me, my best friend is facing 5 years. I feel so STUCK. I hate my fiance, but he helps me run my business now because my dad is gone, and he helps me to do things when I can't even get out of bed. I have so many bad days: I rather Not leave the house because I've been going through so much emotionally, but, he knows i blame him, and he acts like he doesn't care about me, but he wanted to run drugs on my truck!!!!! He didn't try to protect me either, and I feel he has a lot of nerve!!!! He even said that he wouldn't do that to his daughter (which is with another woman!!!!!), but hew can do it to me!!!! It seems ridiculous. Just like when he was with me and he stayed at the house he paid the rent for for his baby mamma because it was mother's day and he and I just started dating, and yes, he did tell me, but it was highly inappropriate and now I'm dealing with this. At this point I hate him and he's angry as well because of all my resentment, but he's wrong I don't feel I am. I need help for this whole mess especially with my dad because he is the only person that's there for me.
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hi Sister Faith ... bless your heart ... such a beautiful name!

    This is a lot. How long will your Father be incarcerated?

    I've heard lots of stories, of how men involve their women in these drug deals, oftentimes leaving the woman to face the full effect of the situation, alone.

    You're really blessed not to be doing some time of your own.

    Do you think this man is going to stop dealing drugs?

    Your Father is blood, and of course, there will be a lifetime attachment there.

    Do you want a lifetime attachment with your man?

    If he had gone to prison, would he be accepting your phone calls, handling your business, taking care of you?

    Sister ... my suggestion would be to begin planning your escape from this relationship. Do it quietly, methodically. Get all your ducks in a row, and pull out.

    Stay in touch with your Father, do what you can for him.

    I'd let this man go ... but then ... i can't take much drama ... do what's best for you.

    Don't let yourself get too depressed about this. Don't get stuck here. Make a plan and work it.

    Show everyone (especially yourself) what you're made of Sister! :toast:

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. faith01

    faith01 Member MEMBER

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    My father is the one calling, and he reared me all my life. My dad NEVER dealt with drugs until I met my fiance who knows alot of criminals. My dad felt pressured to help him for reasons i rather NOT get into, and now he's facing 5 years tomorrow. My fiance was behind this sceme and if he loved me like he says, he would've NEVER approached me father. My fiabce said he wouldn'[t put drugs on his daughter's truck,but he's put them on mine: his future wife. I don't care if i'm not my fiance's blood, I'm supposed to have his blood, and he's supposede to lay the ground work for that, but instead he's angry at me because I'm bitter, and he probably still protects them, and I don't know what to do
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Faith ... okay, i understand better now. I'm still just as sorry to hear of your Father's fate. Of course you will stand by him, and do all you can. You're a beautiful daughter.

    Sister ... how much more devastation must this man wreak on your life, before it's time to cut your losses?

    Yeah ... he won't put the child at risk, but he puts you, your Father, and everything else at risk?

    Do you believe him when he tells you this? How can you, with the evidence he's provided?

    Actually, he's already put the child at risk, simply by being involved in such. So he can quit telling that lie, and you can quit believing it. He risks his child growing up without a Father (not to mention all the other drug-related risks she and you are susceptible to). He's taken your Father. C'mon Sister. He doesn't seem to have any real dedication, allegiance, honor, integrity, regarding anything other than his own desires. He isn't even willing to try and understand your pain. I know it may be difficult to view all that is within eye sight, but it is there, if you look.

    Your frustration is coming from believing that he loves you, as he stabs you in the neck.

    It's one thing to trust someone, and they violate that trust, leaving you to pick up the pieces.

    It's a different matter, when they've proven their lack of concern for you and yours, and you remain with them.

    Be careful Sister. Love You.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    what i'm about to say would probably not affect you. faith you must accept the reality of it. the man is not right for you and your dad. the man whom you want to marry has set your father up to be in prison for five years. i know god say do not return evil to evil. but in this case you have to . the evil was brought before you and has wrong you. your father must spend time in jail for whatever reason he chose to go down that path. you have all the signs that the man is about paper and noone else. men has a way of filling your head up with lies to get you off focusing. your main goal and objective is to find away to lessen your father times. what i'm about to say could make you or break you. i would document all his doing and even get a confession out of him. maybe if you prove that your father had a complance maybe that would lessen your time. at this point faith your father has turn into anotha lil kim situation. she's doing time for a clique that sold her out. and when she gets out yeah she has respect but she really lost is so called real friends. yeah i'll be there for ya, your my dog. and as soon as trouble hit they out. and leave you holding the bag. i know he's telling ya well fine someway to get him out. thats a lie honey. dont let him get you off track. that's what he want for you to be his ryde and die chick, his bonnie clyde. meanwhile your father who blood runs in your veins, was there for you when noone else was there is sitting waiting. you owe your father and yourself to do whats morally right, spiritually right. don't let your father suffer this alone. cause believe me your next. sorry to be blunt but if my father went down the wrong path due to my surroundings. i'm gonna go to bat for the real man whos in my life before my man come along. please faith don't let break the bond you and your father share. your father loves ya cause when its all said and done and when the smoke clears your father will be left standing the man who setup your father, the same man who had it in your truck, the same man who played games on ya, will do you in!!!!!!! i believe in the lord and my lord wil see you through your troubles. remember he see's all and he knows all. your finance aint getting away with nothing. the bible says do not return evil to evil because vengence is mine. i'll be praying for ya when i rest. god will keep you near.
     
  6. faith01

    faith01 Member MEMBER

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    Thank you, I need all the prayer I can get. I feel like I'm dying emotionally. You're so right. Take care, I'll try to be strong, but I'm so devastated. Life is hard for mem right now, and I'm just trying to cope.
     
  7. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    rather than die why don't you live?

    cut the crap, stand up and kick this ******* out!
    you have let him destroy your family.

    drop him like he is hot.

    do you want to be a slave?
    act like you have a brain and some nerve.

    get free.
     
  8. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    amen james amen my brotha. i just think she caught up or infatuated with her man. got her deeply off track. its going to take some divine intervention or her being in jail for the rest of her life before she wakes up. i pray it dont comes to this. faith can you look at your situation your being raped at this moment. he's all over you raping you forcing you to do unspeakable things. you mean to tell me your going to let this fiend, this attacker keep taking the best from you. why must you lay down for him get up girl and take the first step to freedom. unless of course you don't mind for him to violate ya. faith this what your man is doing to you emotionally raping ya, raping ya till you given up the fight. you must and will fight back before its too late. THAN WATER, BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER, BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER, BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER, BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER, BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER, BLOOD THICKER THAN WA BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER~~~~~~
    BLOOD THICKER TER, BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER. I'M GONNA KEEP SAYING TO IT MARINATES IN YOUR MIND. I LOVE YA SISTA BUT ITS TIME TO REMOVE THE SHACKLES THAT BEEN PLACED ON YOUR FEET. SLAVERY IS OVER AND TIME FOR YOU TO SEE THE LIGHT. JUST REMEMBER IF NOT ANYTHING ELSE FOR AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL THERE'S LIGHT, HOPE, AND PEACE, TRANQUILITY. YOU JUST GOT TO BELIEVE!!!!!!!!! IF YOU FIND YOURSELF WAKING UP THROUGH THE NIGHT IT'S GOD TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!!!!!!1
     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    *Sigh*


    I know you need a hug. I know you need consoling. I think you need a counselor, before you break down. But.........

    1. Your father is a grown man. He knew what he was doing

    2. You knew what your "man" was/is before all this happened. It's time to grow up and face it.

    3. It is NOT your fiancees fault that your father got greedy. So quit blaming him for that.

    4. That being said, you fiance IS satan and you didnt care as long as he was good to you!

    5. Satan is now handling your family business.

    6. Because you have allowed him to do so. That is YOUR fault!

    7. I know you are depressed. I know you are down. But if you dont, woman-up, get up, and step up, satan will sink his hooks deeper in you. That will only be YOUR fault. Get a good counselor. Do what you gotta do. Because you have to handle your and your families business. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

    Btw, Ladies, this is a clear example of what is wrong with this fixation with thug appeal
     
  10. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    get free!


    say what?????????????? oh yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
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