Black Men : The Reason Black women are Angry at Black Men

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by river, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Most of us when asked why we are angry at Black men will have a bulging portfolio of experiences we've had with brothas that have left us jaded" playas, baby daddies that do a disappearing act on payday but come around when their collars are tight, etc.

    But the overarching, one size fits all, end of the day reason Black women are angry at Black men is because you are the only ones we are allowed to be angry at.

    We can't be angry at White men. That, as you well know, is not allowed. Talk about deadbeat dads. They not only raped us and forced us to have their babies but they sold our babies. I'm not talking about slavery on the plantation. I'm talking about today. Our babies are sold. Locked out of the job market. Mass incarcerated with felonies that strips them of their civil rights for actions that would hardly warrant misdemeanors if they were white. Neighborhood grocery stores stocked with the food whites didn't want. But while we can find so many reasons to be angry at Black men we look for every reason why we aren't angry at White men.

    Being angry at Black men is not only allowed. It is rewarded.

    Now brothas, this sista will not let a few knuckleheads to blind me to the wonder that walks the Earth, clothed in the skin of Black masculinity. You are a part of me. For better or worse
     
  2. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    So, who says we can't be mad at the white man? :10100:

    I will say this....I'm not mad at black men....Not angry, not bitter or anything...No qualms

    I can't say it because not all black men have done me wrong.

    My dad is great man.

    My daughter's father is a great father...

    I've dated good black men, it just happened that we weren't meant to be...So what....big deal.

    Now I don't know what black women you are talking about, it certainly isn't me.

    And for the black women who are mad at other black men for doing them wrong, it isn't right them to sit here and say/think that all black men are like that.

    Now I don't think most black women are ignoring what is being happened to the white man as far as society goes...They know and are mad, they just accept it...Just like some black women accept the fact that they are with the wrong man.

    If that makes sense.
     
  3. Clyde C Coger Jr

    Clyde C Coger Jr going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    In the Spirit of Sankofa and Update!




    .......Thank you sister river, your honesty is deafening.

     
  4. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    I should not have used the word "most." I am speaking of many Black women who may be just more outspoken in their anger than the majority of Black women who are not angry. Because of this outspokenness the issue had to be addressed.
     
  5. Proverbs31Woman

    Proverbs31Woman Be kinder than necessary! MEMBER

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    River, I love your last line, true dedication. I consider this thread an opportunity to reverse the negative tension towards brothas, so hopefully more sistas will share some love to illuminate that most of the women on Destee.com aren't in this category.

    I urge the "angry sista" to heal from her wounds before getting back in the scene. Learn how to smile again, take the edge off and relax in his presence, so you can clearly see him as an individual without your experiences..just him........now, beautiful isn't he!

    B]
     
  6. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Great thread and thoughts Family! :toast:

    I have seen / heard the angry, hurt, bitter Sister manifesting what is inside of her, trying to put it on Brothers, but it aint the Brother's fault.

    Much of this particular bitter, angry, hurtful manifestation comes from Sisters letting men mistreat them, then are mad at him because he didn't stop on his own.

    Men are usually clear regarding how they're going to treat a woman, letting you know right up front (or soon thereafter), what kind of treatment you'll get from him.

    If he repeatedly makes you cry, cheats on you, lies to you, does not provide for you ... and you stay ... you're making your own self bitter, not him.

    Remaining in these type of relationships, hoping he'll change, continually investing your self and resources, is guaranteed to produce bitterness.

    Brothers do what Sisters let them do, and the more mistreatment you let men do to you, the more bitter you will be.

    Sisters can avoid being bitter, by making better choices and decisions, regarding the men they allow in their lives.

    The Sister that does not let Brothers repeatedly mistreat her, use her, etc., has no reason to manifest this energy.

    Great Topic! Thanks for letting me share! :D

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  7. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    My stepfather taught me to acccpt a man as he is or leave him alone. Sometimes a woman will tell herself that she can't leave a particular man alone. When you know something is bad for you but can't leave it alone that's not love. That's addiction. How do we overcome addictions? By being mad at the drug? Or by looking inside ourselves for the self-love that will give us the strength to move away from something that hurts us.

    The time and energy we spend kissing a frog in the hopes he will turn into a handsome prince is time and energy taken away from real princes. One reason some of us may do this is because we don't believe we deserve a real prince. Another reason may be that we may feel we can validate ourselves as true women by having a love so strong it will cause a bad man to change. That's not love. That's working on a project. If we do not love ourselves enough to make us do what is good for ushow will we love someone else enough to make him do what is good for him? This is slave mentality. The same mentality that makes us value what we do for whites more than what we do for ourselves.

    There are real Black princes and kings out there. And they are waiting for us to see them. It is self love and self respect that will heal the emotional warts we got from kissing frogs and enable us to kiss a real honest to goodness Black African prince.

    This has been a public service message brought to you by Da River
     
  8. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Yes, sista. That is what this is about.
     
  9. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    No, I also can't agree that THIS is the reason.

    As a Black woman, I can and have been "angry" and with the White man for his treatment of my People... my ancestors and present-day.

    I have been angry when I and my own mother, sister and brothers were subjected to overt and covert racism and the hindrances of the White power structure.....insulted, sabotaged and physically and emotionally assaulted.


    IMO, there is a difference between being "angry" and being "bitter."

    IMO, these two words have too often been lumped together....making them SYNONYMOUS with each other.....That, just because a Black woman is "angry" with a Black man in her life, that she is also, automatically, "bitter" towards Black men in general.


    With that said, I have only been "angry" with ONE Black man at a time...not ALL Black men. (with one of my exes, it took me 3 years to even speak to him again (lol); but, eventually, I was able to "let it go" and make peace with him.)

    And even then, I was not "bitter." --I did not "hate" him. I did not wish him harm....but I was hurt and angry.

    I have never lumped ALL Black men in the same barrel

    Knowing that there are Black men who emotionally and financially care for their seed, I do not view all Black men through the lens of my sorry, dead-beat, biological father....I do not compare every new Black man in my life with the bad ones in my past.

    Instead, I have learned to be introspective and asked myself, "How did I contribute to this pain, by word or deed, in this relationship?"

    ...."what, of my behavior and what is it IN ME that helped lead to the hurt I feel now?"

    So I can LEARN from these mistakes, change ME, and know better NEXT TIME.

    Yes, at the moment, a woman is just "HURTING."

    So, she aint tryna "analyze" herself....only HIM and how he hurt her.----And, yes, it takes some, more than others, longer to get to that point.


    And this why there ARE some "BITTER" Black women out there.

    However, this is true for some Black men as well.

    There are just some people (men and women) who are NEVER able to own their own accountabilities in a relationship....It is ALWAYS somebody's else fault.

    ... THEY are NEVER a part of the problem....THEY are always the "VICTIM."

    ...THEY just, CONTINUALLY, somehow, have the "bad fortune" to attract and get involved with members of the opposite sex who mistreat/abuse/take advantage of/hurt them in some shape/form/fashion.

    THEREFORE, it MUST BE some kind of FAULTY mechanism in Black men/Black women that CONTINUALLY produces this result! :cool:
     
  10. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    ....And this applies both ways.
     
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