It's morning. A few dreams still linger at the edge of almost awake and nearly asleep. A dull throb of reality finally tapers into unspoken resignation and the death of self confidence and control to chance a new face and hard-body at the cost of my soul is immeasurable but unstoppable. It is clear that life is more than a seven second series of spasms and shallow breathing, but now it becomes a lusty obsession especially when denied and there is no numbness in my maleness. I am digusting to myself, a fractured and desperate man who stands to the side and watches with a sneer as that other genderless piece of me carries on with life as if everything is perfect, lusting, lurking and living life on the edge of almost and just on the tip. Often it seems that there is little use in living without self control and moderation but, I now know what is the truth. It brooks no argument and that truth is what has long been known --a woman who can make a dick hard is a woman with enormous power.