Black Children : The place of a mama

Hello Brother Lloyd...



I myself used to be very angry with my mother as well, even though she was the one who was there and from the age of 7 on up, my father was not there. As I grew older and began to observe my Mamas life, I began to see that not only was she my Mama, but that she was actually and individual. Mama used to be a child too, Mama has some negative aspects of childhood too, that she may have brought into adulthood as well. Mama could use some understanding as well. Also, Mama is capable of making mistakes too, let me explain...

My mother is the youngest girl child of 10 siblings and she was a Daddy's little girl. When her parents split, my grandma got remarried and left my mother with her oldest sister to finish out being raised. At that time my mother was only the age 14 in need of her own mother, not her sister, and she was also at a loss for her father. My mother had to grow up really fast and when she had me and my sister, she was the age 24. Age 24 with two children. I have good memories of my Mama and lot's of bad memories of her as well. However there is one thing I can say about her, she did her absolute best raising me and my siblings as she could, and knew to the best of her knowledge, to do. No mother say's, I want to be a bad mama to my children, no mother say's that at all.


You are an adult now so you don't have to live with you mother which is a good thing but from what I am hearing, you really love your mother and want to be close to her and your other family members as well. I know that it upsets you what your Mother said to your friend in front of you but your mother wishes that she had done better by you and believe you me, she feels bad. If she didn't, she wouldn't be coming around you trying to help you when she can, she would just be done with you. More than likely she was jealous of your female friend because she felt threatened by the love you would give to your friend, instead of her. At that moment she snapped not realizing that fighting over you would not give her brownie points towards a better relationship with you. Again you don't live with her so you can love her from a distance.

I said all of that to say this, if you can forgive anyone, it should be your Mama. It's hard for a woman to raise kids alone with all the stress taking place in this world. The hurt your mother placed on you will be something that you may never let go. However, if you go on in life so angry with her it will only even more so effect you mentally and emotionally which is not good for your health. I just not long ago had to forgive my father for his not being there in my life when I really needed him. I was going around hurting inside because I could not let go what he did. Now that I have forgiven him, I am much more mentally and emotionally freer. My father didn't have a good childhood either so I had to be just as understanding towards him, as I was my mother.

To answer your question, what does Mama mean in our life. Mama means Mama. The first woman and feminine principal that we first experience. We want her to be perfect and she does her best. One thing that is perfect about her is that she went through extreme pain to carry us for 9 months and then push us out into the world.




Astrologer4U


Wow!!!!

That's what comes to mind after reading what your mum had to go through.And out of a suddent i feel....selfish;i mean,there are so many people out there with more challenges that do much better than me concerning relationships.

I admit that,for my mother's sake,i should do something to recreate links of peace and love.I admire you,and the fact that you say " Mama used to be a child too, Mama has some negative aspects of childhood too, that she may have brought into adulthood as well. Mama could use some understanding as well. Also, Mama is capable of making mistakes too " gives me another vision of who my mum can be.Maybe i was just expecting the perfect woman -smile-.

I'm a little bit afraid of calling her on the phone - she may be harsh because of all those months without news and especially for that "i hate you" that i gave her. OMG!-

Anyway,i'm gonna try it!I'm crossing my fingers and praying God at the same time.After that,i hope i will be able to help young people facing this kind of situation.

Thanks a million;your experience enlighted me
 
Good Morning Lloyd,

I read your post last night before going offline and planned to respond this morning. I’m happy to see from your responses to Destee and Astro that you seem to be less burden with your feelings on the situation, thank God. However, as a concerned person who is also a mother and has dealt with painful questions of how people who are supposed to love you, behave in a way that suggest otherwise… I’d like to respond.

There are many adult-children who feel their parent(s) didn’t do right by them on so many different levels. In the last few years I have grown into the understanding that people love as well as they learn and there is nothing we can do to change that fact, except try to understand they have their reason(s). Yes, we can get angry and sound of at them about all the things they did or didn‘t do, but, when its all said and done the only thing that will probably happen is, they’ll accuse us of being disrespectful. Which would be true, because we are to respect our parents.

We can’t pick and choose our parent(s) but when there are dysfunctional issues involved, we can pick and choose the kind of relationship we need to have with them. One that is most comfortable for us, be it limited physical and verbal contact, contact via cards and letters or no contact at all. If the latter is chosen, its very important that we are mentally and emotionally ready to do that, because it can eat at you to the point of sickness.

I heard someone explain mean/unkind behavior in four words a few years ago, “Hurt people, hurt people” it has stuck with me up to this day in understanding some people’s actions.



I'm a little bit afraid of calling her on the phone - she may be harsh because of all those months without news and especially for that "i hate you" that i gave her. OMG!-

As you said, pray and if she is harsh, don't react the same, simply tell her you love her and will call again soon.

BTW, I agree with Destee, you should go see your grandmother.

Speaking as a Mother, sometimes our child(ren) can misread tough love or wise advice as something else. As Astro mentioned, “mama used to be a child too” I as a child sometimes mistook tough love as, just plain o' mommy and daddy being mean:)

God bless you!


MaddSistahlyLove!
Coco:heart
 
Wow!!!!

That's what comes to mind after reading what your mum had to go through.And out of a suddent i feel....selfish;i mean,there are so many people out there with more challenges that do much better than me concerning relationships.

Not ot mention children who have had it worse than us. Think about all those children in foreign countries who have had to leave their parents to go and work at the age 5. They don't have the luxury of being a family with their parents.

Then their is another issue. Children who have been treated worse than us. Children who have been molested by their parents, or sold by their parents into sex slavery and there are worse stories to tell. Any way, the point is, you are right. If there are people out there having it worse than us, it would be selfish of us not to try to understand our parents and instead wallow in self pity, about how we were treated. People have had it worse than us.


I admit that,for my mother's sake,i should do something to recreate links of peace and love.I admire you,and the fact that you say " Mama used to be a child too, Mama has some negative aspects of childhood too, that she may have brought into adulthood as well. Mama could use some understanding as well. Also, Mama is capable of making mistakes too " gives me another vision of who my mum can be.Maybe i was just expecting the perfect woman -smile-.

We all want Mama to be the perfect woman but she can only be who she can be. It ain't easy being, or trying to be the perfect Mama. I was 18 when I gave birth to my first and only daughter. I cried because I was very happy but at the same time, I was very scared because I was actually going to have to be responsible for a life. Can you imagine that?

Yeah, in many ways my mother is still a child, I see it all the time in her when she say's or dose certain things. Because she had to grow up fast, that little girl in her has not caught up. Plus, she is the youngest girl child of 10 other siblings. It's going to take a while to create links of peace and love between you and your Mama. It took a long time for me to get along with my mother and it was a painful process but the day finally came. It will come for you to as long as you realize that your mother hurts too and no matter what, she could never not love her son. Plus, you are her first child too. That means that you came along when things were really ruff for her. She raised you with a lot of struggle so you represent how she made it through the ruff times during her first time at motherhood. She will never forget that. You are her diamond in the ruff.


I'm a little bit afraid of calling her on the phone - she may be harsh because of all those months without news and especially for that "i hate you" that i gave her. OMG!-


You can always write her a letter if you have not yet called her. If she is anywhere like my mother, she is going to be a tuff cookie at first. It's mighty brave and unselfish of you to make the first move, I admire you. Your Mama didn't do such a bad job with you after all.

Anyway,i'm gonna try it!I'm crossing my fingers and praying God at the same time.After that,i hope i will be able to help young people facing this kind of situation.

Thanks a million;your experience enlighted me

I think you would make a great advocate but first, you have to get things reasonably going well with Mama and you must go and see your grandma.

I look forward back to hearing about how things went, I'm praying for you as well.



Take care



Sister


Astrologer4U
 
Sis Astrologer4u,can you predict our future -i mean mum and i-.
Just to make you smile.


Yes you did make me smile...hehehe


I would like to help you from a holistic perspective if I could. Just in case your intentions was not to just make me smile, if you would like, if you have your birth time and your mothers birthday, I will see what I can do.



Astrologer4U
 

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