Black Relationships : The older guy...

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Nubian One, Jul 25, 2005.

  1. Nubian One

    Nubian One Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Just out of curiousity have any of guys ever beeninvolved with female much younger than yourself? And by 'involved' I dont neccessarily means sexually.

    I'm not sure if this should be in another forum or not but.. anywhoo

    I am currently 17 years old, I will be 18 next month. I'm from Philadelphia and I work in Center City. On my lunch break one day I was approached by a guy who happens to be 30 (31 next month).. I told him my age and he didn't seem to mind or care. In any case.. we've been to lunch several times, to the movies, to the mall etc etc. I was sorta hesitant about doing lunch and such with him at first but I figured.. its lunch and it all was innocent. We've never done anything. He's never bought up sex and besides a hug and a peck we've never been intimate. He does compliment my body every now and then.

    After a while, I began to wonder to myself.. Whats the point of hanging with him?... First of all, our platonic relationship couldn't dare elevated to something a bit more serious becuase for one I'm only 17.. and in no way could I bring a 30 year old guy home to meet the folks.. It seems like in my opinion that its nothing a 30 year old guy could possible want w/ a 17year old female.. but one thing.. and although that one thing has never came up.. and isn't a factor it just has me thinking...

    I will say I feel comfortable when I'm with him and I don't feel pressured nor feel like i'm puttin myself in harm's way.. soo thats not the case. I found myself opening up to him a lot and I can confide in him. I am the youngest of 6 boys.. yes I have 6 brothers ..Over the years I really got a perception of guys many girls don't see. I've grown up with them and now as a young lady they are constantly reminding me about certain things. So I think its safe to say that I know how guys work.. to a degree any way...

    I'm starting to think the 'relationship' for lack of a better word is sorta strange.. what do yall think?.. I mean he's an amazing guy, and extremely nice... but is there something up, i'm not aware of..

    Don't get me wrong I don't suspect anything or whatever.. i just dont know..
     
  2. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    There is no reason why a 30-year-old man should be hanging out with a 17-year-old girl as friends or otherwise. If he's approaching you like you're his 'equal' then he's got issues, especially since you told him your age. The only thing someone that age should be to you is a big-brother/uncle type of figure... and big brothers don't give sexual compliments.

    I definitely believes that he intends on trying to take whatever 'relationship' you have with him now further, which is something I would advise against. Even when you turn 18, it is still not appropriate to date someone that much older because you are just starting your life. In terms of the world you are not as experienced as someone in their late 20s, 30s, etc. And most sensible men know this, which is why they would not pursue a girl so young unless of course they were that age themselves. Men who do otherwise tend to want an easy piece of ***, or a woman they can manipulate/control.
     
  3. Deepvoice

    Deepvoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You said you are 17? If you like the guy just wait a couple of more years, so you can avoid the some age questions. I get the feeling that there is one thing all older men don't like and that is older women,lol. Most dudes like younger women and women like older men, if you go by standards here in this country I guess it would be wrong for an 17 year old to be with an 30 year old. I have a coach who is 50 and his girl at the most is 30 years old so go for it.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Let me say the facts remain you are 17 a minor and he being 30 is surely called
    statutory you are below the statutory age of consent , surely parents would not
    approve of such and a man who slowly wined and dime is after no more then sexual
    contact, your future is more important then a mere dating and the deed to stay focus
    on school and a career , in many cases age make a world of differents when under age

    you should not befriends with a man of this age it show his lack and issues or problem
    to be attractive to younger girls and not his equal, he could be trying to make you his
    playmate to control or rule , steal your youth , word of wise break off such contact it's
    not good or fair to your self .

    if you would have become involved sexually it would be no doubt Statutory Rape
    and many years behind bars would be the out come their is no future in a relationship
    like this , wait become of age before thinking about this.

    my advice is to back out say no more and move on to meet your career goals in life
    first and finish school forget the dating game for now there are many younger males your
    age to befriends with then a man 30 plus.
     
  5. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The only thing a 30 year old man would be interested in a 17 year old girl for is sex and someone to manipulate. There is nothing else you have to offer him. Even though girls often mature faster than boys (physically and mentally), it is impossible for a 17 year to mentally or emotionally stimulate a 30 year old! No matter how mature you are, you are still essentially a girl, while he is a grown man.

    A normal 30-31 year old man is going to want woman his own age. Even if a 30 year old likes to date younger women, most are not going to be interested in a woman who is younger than 21. People in their 20s and 30s have the same life goals and interest: They are thinking about buying houses and building careers. People of this age range are thinking about going to graduate school, and investing their money. Some are even thinking of starting families, and building retirement funds. Very few are thinking of hanging out at the mall! If a man of this age range is looking for women younger than this, there is something wrong with him! He either lacks the emotional and financial growth to attract a woman of his age range....or he is a sexual predator! Neither case scenario is positive.

    Sister NubianOne, I think you should trust your instincts. They are warning you about this man for a good reason. I do realize that he has not yet made obvious sexual advances towards you (although he has already gone to far by hugging and kissing you). However, he is probably waiting for you to turn 18 before he starts, so that he doesn't risk going to jail. While this is a smart move on his part, that he approached you at 17, and had no problem with your age is disturbing. I would advise you to avoid this man, even after you turn 18...he does not have noble intentions. I would also talk to my 6 older brothers (especially the older one). I'm sure they will tell you the same thing I have.
     
  6. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There is a big difference between a 50 year old man wanting a 30 year old woman, and a 30 year old man wanting a 17 year old girl. Even though the age difference is greater in the 1st case (20 years). A 30 year old woman is still a woman. She has lived, and should have the wisdom that only life's experiences can bring: She has had the opportunity to pursue her interest & dreams...she has had the opportunity to date & met a variety of men. A 30 year old woman will not be impressed with a man just because he has his own place and can buy her things. She will also be able to defend herself, and can better perceive if this man is truly interested in her, or if he is just using her.
     
  7. bigtown

    bigtown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree, My fiance' is 24 and I'm 36. I would never have thought about a relationship with her when she was 17.
     
  8. Nubian One

    Nubian One Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I definitely feel what all of yall are saying and I even thought the same things.. but its hard to cut everything off completely.. And who ever mentioned telling my brothers.. I wouldn’t dare mention anything like this to them.. My brothers ( ages 21-31) wouldn’t approve and I could definitely see them doing any and every thing to ensure he comes no where near me ever again... However if I was ever in a predicament with him where I felt pressured, endangered or anything of that sort I wouldn’t hesitate telling my brothers.. I have been thinking about a lot and I’m started to realize that I need to cut him off though…

    I wouldn’t say he sees me as his equal.. He kinda looks out for me, and I’ve told him things I haven’t even told my sister or my best of friends.. Every now and then though one of us will bring up the whole age issue.. and its either always deaden and the subject is changed or something..

    As for as the guy, I wouldn’t really say that there’s something wrong w/ him... I must admit he is extremely mature.. well of course cuz I’m only 17 . He has a child but is currently single and looking. So again I wouldn’t say he sees me as his equal. I dunno what exactly he gets from or out of our lil ‘relationship’ … For me its like a comfort thing.. I feel extremely comfortable around him, like I can really be myself.

    I think for me I look to him because he is sorta like the older brother I can turn to. Don’t get me I do have a strong relationship with my real brothers.. but some things you just can’t talk about with them.. So with this guy its like he’s something I always wanted… a male confidant..

    BUT, as I was saying its seems strange.. so I’m definitely going to have to deaden this quick, fast and in a hurry.. because it’ll only become even more complicated..

    I appreciate the input.. sometimes you think about thing to yourself.. but you need to hear it from others as well…for assurance I guess… so thanx yall..

    Plus I’ll be off to college in the fall and although I’ll be still here in the city.. I need to drop him..
     
  9. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Your brothers wouldn't approve of this "friendship" because it is inapprioprate, and they care about your well being. If you are scared to tell them...it is probably because you already know something is wrong. The wisest thing for you to do is follow your common sense and leave this guy alone. If you continue to wait until you feel "endangered" or "pressured" then it might be too late for your brothers to save you.
     
  10. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    dirty olde man!
     
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