Black Short Stories : The most sensual bath ever

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by PurpleMoons, Apr 11, 2004.

  1. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    Okay family, bare with me. This is my attempt to pull off my very first short story. Please give me some constructive criticism as I aim to improve my writing skills.

    Last night she had the most sensual bath ever. The music was playing. The water temperature was delicious. The aroma from the bath salt marinated the atmosphere with an intoxicating fragrance. As she slid down to wrap her body completely in the soft silkyness of the textured water, she had a surprize visitor. Her baby had come to bath her weary, exhausted body. He looked her firmly in her eyes with an emotionless expression. The clarity of his intent could not be misunderstood. He lathered his hands with the tone soap that rested on the ledge of the shower wall. Gently and all so delicately he glided his hands across her arm while gazing deeply into the core of her soul. He ran his hands up and down slowly around her soft sensual arm. The sound of the music and bubbles settling in the water echoed in the stillness of the night. As she rested her eyes and heart within her baby's essence, she slid into his existence and was held captive in his intent. He slowly but all so gracefully washed and massaged her entire body. Her breast grew like sheilds as his hand brushed past them to her belly and legs. she closed her eyes and was swept away in his presence. Her whole being tingled and quiverd lightly with pure delight. She could feel his hands gliding across her softened legs and the water spiriling from the invasion of his touch. She let out a sigh of comfort and delight and nothing else mattered to her more than her baby's touch. He caress one leg at a time then moved back up to her breast. She begin to breath deep and heavily now as her body temperature heated the water that was now beginning to cool. He placed both his large hands upon her breast, palming and gently massaging them while her fruit ached passionately for his touched. Then he grabbed her hands and washed them all so delicately. All she could think about is how much she loved him and how did he get here. Her mind roamed every possiblity of the actions he might consider to take. While lost in her thoughts and ecstasy his hand reached down between her thighs into the water where her peach rested and awaited his touch. His finger brushed against her clitoris and her peached went histerical, releasing its nectar into the water. As he played her **** like a beautiful harp, the lullaby he song her with his hands relieved all her anxieties. He parted her peach in an attempt to wash in between the creases of her fold. she and her fruit was all so hot and thirsty for more. As she began to cry and tell him how sorry she was for the pain she'd caused him, he gently shhhhhhhed her before the words could escape her lips. As the tears ran down her face pleasure and remorsed danced heavenly together on the wings of her thoughts. she closed her eyes once again and he played her fruit for what seems like hours. And she danced and song the words to his lullaby by releasing her own melodies and beats. He could feel her beats raging forcefully inside her as the milky cream of her delight replenished his energy. He then reached over and softly kissed her on her suppled lips and she knew how much he'd loved her. And just like that, he was gone. she slept so soundly without a care in the world,........ because that was the basis of her baby's intent. I love you, was the last thing she had whispered in the night, as she laid motionless until the dawn.
     
  2. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    didn't seem like a 1st piece at all, it wuz 2 good!

    smooth & erotic @ the same time. good job capturing details.

    :thanks: 4 bringin this 2 the house.
     
  3. the_story

    the_story Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    purple, this was very nice, tastfully erotic..i liked it alot..u should write short stories more often..
    :heart:
    -story
     
  4. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    Thanks so much! Yall' making me cry! I would read the stories here and wished that I could write so vividly. Capturing my imagination and attention, luring me to the bitter sweet end. I am truly overwhelmed! Thank you for the response!
    :jumping: :jumping: :jumping: Yeah! I'm on my way! I surely hope yall' are not pulling my leg! You know, just being supportive and stuff. (smile)
     
  5. SensualReality

    SensualReality Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Go head wit ya bad self what you mean you have a lot to learn about writing you good lol go ahead and cry :cry:
     
  6. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    The scene you created is very vivid and full of wondersul imagery. If you are still open to constructive criticism here are a couple things to consider.

    1. Every story has a problem. By giving your character a problem and showing her struggle to resolve it you will turn this scene into a story.

    2. Your character must change. She should not be the same at the end of the story as she was at the beginniing of the story. In order to bring about this change the problem that you create for her should be at a stage where she can no longer continue the same old same old. She must be at the point where she is ready to break or change.

    This has been a public poetry service message brought to you by da river
     
  7. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    OOOh! Thank you so much River! I really appreciate that! There is another part to this story that explains what lead to this moment of fanticizing, But I was reluctant to write it. I'm eager to do it now and hope that you will walk me through it as well. Thank you so much! (smiles) Get ready for part two of this experimental phase!
     
  8. Obscure

    Obscure Active Member MEMBER

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    solid.

    WuN...
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    very nice story this was on point
    mo mo mo !!! pt.2 please
     
  10. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    Thank you Obscure! One!

    I don't know rich, Don't think I have what it takes quite yet.
    Thank you for the love!
     
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