Black Relationships : The Misconception of the word......"Trust"

First Brother how do you define a committed relationship? I'll tell you how I define one. A committed relationship is a marriage between a man and a woman. That's it. If the goal is not marriage then you are not committed. Trust is something earned. The way you earn someones trust is proving over and over again that you have there best interest at heart. Meaning you will not hurt them, dishonor them, disgrace them or cause strife and peril in their lives. During the courtship ritual each person has privacy because each person has reservation about the relationship. Once trust is earned the relationship moves toward a lifelong committed. You can't be committed to someone you don't or can't trust. As far as respecting privacy, in a marriage there is no privacy. Not even when you are sitting on the toilet taking a dump. So in a marriage in the true since trust has already been established, therefore something being a matter of trust is not even a question that comes up.


Peace.............
 
karmashines said:
I don't agree with going through a person's belongings unless they made it clear that was acceptable.

If I suspected my mate was cheating, I would talk to him, not violate his privacy. If he told me he wasn't, I would trust him. The truth would come out eventually anyway.

Exactly...The truth will come out. This is why I don't worry myself about my cheating or her going through my things while I'm not at home or any of that. Though we have indiviual interests we still are as one. I have nothing to hide from my wife. As for me rifling though her things, that's absolutely ridiculous. If my wife were cheating on me what would I be able to do about it? Leave her or Stay with her that's it..I sure couldn't stop her. So why worry? Infact if she is able to find time to cheat on me as busy as our schedules are and still make me happy without me knowing about it more power to her. I have the utmost confidence in our marriage because we constantly work to improve our situation. We are eachothers compliment...


Peace.....
 
Radical Faith said:
Exactly...The truth will come out. This is why I don't worry myself about my cheating or her going through my things while I'm not at home or any of that. Though we have indiviual interests we still are as one. I have nothing to hide from my wife. As for me rifling though her things, that's absolutely ridiculous. If my wife were cheating on me what would I be able to do about it? Leave her or Stay with her that's it..I sure couldn't stop her. So why worry? Infact if she is able to find time to cheat on me as busy as our schedules are and still make me happy without me knowing about it more power to her. I have the utmost confidence in our marriage because we constantly work to improve our situation. We are eachothers compliment...


Peace.....

I wouldn't worry about rummaging either, but if he did do it I would be mad. It wouldn't be a matter of having something to hide, but more so that he was being sneaky.
 
Coach707 said:
The Misconception of the word....... "Trust"

I had a pretty heated debate with a lady friend of mine last night! She told me in so many words that in a committed relationship we should "trust" our partners enough to allow them to have access to EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. This includes our wallet, our bank account, our cell phone if they feel the need etc.


I then asked her if she would reciprocate this invasion of privacy and she responded, "yes, but there are certain belongings of a woman that you should not touch!"

I then tried to explain to her that the word "trust" is not about invasion of privacy. We looked up the word "trust" in the Merrian-Websters School dictionry and it says: Trust/ noun: assured reliance on the character.

I then went on to say that if you trust someone, like the defenition, you are sure that you can trust them so there is no need for proof. Trust is faith in that persons character.

Of course she disagreed, she said that trust is in KNOWING that the person is doing what he is suppose to do.

What do you guys think? I had the time of my life arguing back and forth, yet we never came to understand what men and women really need in refrence to trust in relationships.

Hello Brother Coach. This is a very good topic. I'm not sure that one should turn to the dictionary to fully understand what it means to "trust" someone because that definition is so shallow and very superficial. In my opinion, trust is not a concept that is easily explained, much less defined.

It's one of those concepts that probably has as many definitions as there are people you ask. People have different ways to describe what trust means to them and it's usually by giving examples like your lady friend. She may not be able to convey what it means but she can tell you how it looks to her when she sees it. What she described you thought sounded like an "invasion of privacy" which MAY NOT have anything to do with trust or trusting someone.

I've always heard and believe that trust is something that people earn through behavior. I know people who never trust anyone until they have reason to. On the other hand, there are those who trust automatically, until given reason why they shouldn't. I've heard about couples who trust each other with their lives--that's how much faith they have in each other.

So it seems to me that, trust is an earned benefit that comes with the way we think about each other, and how people carry themselves. Love and trust are not always synonymous. Just because you love someone doesn't always mean you can trust them. Trust and commitment are not always synonymous. Just because you're in an exclusive relationship, doesn't always mean the couple is trustworthy.

If trust=love=commitment, then I would submit that the rate of divorces and failed relationships would decline significantly.

Queenie :heart:
 

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