Brother AACOOLDRE : The Military Satire in the Gospels


Well-Known Member
Jul 26, 2001

1.Satire: a literary work in which vices, follies, stupidities, abuses are held up to ridicule

2.Spoof: a hoax, joke or deception to fool in a playful manner.

3. Parody: imitating characteristic style of a writer

4. Typology: Base one character upon another; an elaborate name switching game is often inserted

The Roman Flavian dynasty (Trinity) lasted from 69-96AD, the period when most scholars believe the gospels were written. It consisted of three (Trinity) Caesars: Vespasian and his two sons, Titus and Domitian. Their adopted son and historian flavius Josephus, member of the family wrote War of the Jews. The satire they created is difficult to see. If it were otherwise, it would not have remained unnoticed for 2,000 years. However, as readers may judge for themselves, the path that the Flavians left for us is a clear one. All that is really needed to walk down this path of light is an open mind. But why then has the satirical, parody and spoof of Jesus and Titus not been noticed before? This question is especially apt in light of the fact that the works reveal their satire-The New Testament and the histories of Flavius Josephus’ War of the Jews are perhaps the most scrutinized books in literature.

One part of the explanation is clear. Viewing the Gospels as satire-that is, as a literary composition (as opposed to a history) in which human folly is held up to ridicule-required a reader to contradict a deeply ingrained belieif. (For example exchanging religious dietary laws to eat Manna=Mushroom=Penis for a Eurcharist as a parody of fish eating Osiris private parts). Once Jesus was universally established as a world-historical individual, any other possibility became, evidentially, invisible. The more we believed in Jesus as a world-historical figure, the less we were able to understand him in any other way.

Moreover, the satirical level of the Gospels has not been discovered because it was designed to be difficult to see. The Flavian Caesars wanted more than just to transform messianic Judaism. They wanted Christianity to flourish and become widely held, even world-wide, before the Gospel’ satirical level was discovered. Why did they wish this? Because they wanted legacy. And they needed to Fool the world to prove to posterity how clever they were. Though on their surface the Gospels appear to be religious literature, which many believe were written by the Jewish followers of a messianic leader, they actually stem from the overwrought vanity of Roman Caesars, desiring the populace to worship them as Gods in other names.


· Christianity did not originate among the Lower classes in Judea. It was a creation of a Roman imperial family, The Flavians.

· The Gospels were not written by the followers of a Jewish Messiah but by the intellectual circle surrounding the Three Flavian Emperors: Vespasian and his two sons, Titus and Domitian.

· The Gospels were written following the 66-73AD was between the Romans and the Jews, and many of the events of Jesus’ ministry are satirical, Spoof, parodies of events in that war.

· The purpose of Christianity was supersession. It was designed to replace the nationalistic and militaristic messianic movement in Judea with a religion that was pacifistic and would accept Roman rule.

So after 2,000 years of misunderstanding, the real meaning of the gospels is revealed. We enter a New world. Not a better world, but certainly a truer one.


By Andre Austin

The Roman Empire under the Flavians had the Gospels written as a satire, parody and lampoon of the militaristic Messianic movement of the Sicari/Zealot movement in Judea that fought against Rome coloniasm, slavery and taxation. The Zealots and Sicari were offshoots of the five Maccabees brothers who fought Rome for the right to practice their religion-to eat what they saw fit, circumcise, self-defense upholding the Sabbath and other matters. The Gospels were written to get the Jews to compromise everything objection the Maccabee’s and zealots/Sicari didn’t want to submit to. Here is a list of some events that were design to dehumanize and demonize religious peoples by government psychological warfare aiming to pacify and to get obedience. The biggest trick of them all of all time was having the Anti-Christ write the NT and have to worship the father and son of Vespasian and Titus instead of the Sicari/Zealot movement that was for the violent overthrow of Rome. Christianity is just the opposite of what it appears to be.

1. The Word Gospels means good news of military victory and not spiritual enlightenment. Jesus meant savior and Christ meant messiah. A messiah that would use military means to overthrow Rome’s occupation. The Gospels portray a non-violent Messiah that reverses and flips the Jewish religion making it anti-history and anti-religious,

The Gospel isn’t History but Anti-history. It’s a parody of Jesus ministry of Titus military events recorded in Josephus War of The Jews. The Roman ruler Titus provided lavish gladiatorial contest and shows in his Amphitheatre and in combat situations in the field. Gladiators in Rome had fish on top of their helmets, a net and trident used to ensnare (catch) their opponents. Roman General Titus told his solders at his first military campaign in Galilee to catch Jews out of the water in the manner of the gladiators. Jesus begins his ministry in galilee telling disciples to catch men. later in his military campaign Jews surrender to Titus after eating gold. The rebel Jewish leader Peter is upset and he "took pieces of what they were eating almost out of their very throats" (War of the Jews book 5: chapter 10) Now in the gospel we have another peter being told by Jesus to take coins out of fish (Jews) to pay taxes (Matthew 17)

2. Josephus Bar Matthias ask Titus to bring down three men from a cross from which one survives. Joseph of Arimathea (pun on Mathias) ask permission to bring Jesus body down which survives. There was no city named Arimathea during this time. Taking down the body happens at the place of the skull in gospels but in WOJ at the place of Inquiring minds=same DNA. The joke is the dead skulls lying in a ditch are bundled together brainstorming (inquiring) about how they all got crucified.

3. Thinking about Inquiring Minds “Paul twice parodies the Zealot terminology reversing.. and connecting it instead now to his idea of prophesying and speaking in tongues”-James The Bro of Jesus By Robert Eisenman p.262

4. The Sicarii movement were Jewish assassins turned into Satan/Donkeys. Judas Iscariot last name is a pun on the OT donkey jawbone that used to kill or its back used to carry a burden (Cross). Judas kiss of death with his mouth (jawbone frame of the mouth) on Jesus gets it analogy from Judges 15:16 & Issachar in Genesis 49:14-15.Keep in mind that the word Satan evolved from the Egyptian God Set-Hen which had the head of a Donkey. Vespasian nickname was the mule driver in which he drives Simon/Peter to Rome for the Triumph and his death. If we go further back into history we find the tribe of Ishmael (White Arabs) were ID with the God Set (Satan) and his birth with the founding of the Hyksos kingdom of occupation in Egypt. “He will be a wild *** (Donkey) of a man: his hand will be against every man, and every hand against him” (Genesis 16:11-12). Two new books in 2014 by D.M. Murdock and Joe Atwill have inscriptions from ancient Rome of an ***-headed man being crucified.

5. Jesus begins his ministry by telling followers they will be fishers of Men. Titus begins his military campaign by fishing Jewish rebels out of the sea with spears.

6. Jesus puts an evil spirit into pigs that’s run over a cliff. Titus rushes Jewish militants over a cliff in the same number.

7. Mt. Gerizzim a location where rebel Jews die of thirst (War of Jews 3, VI 307-313). Jesus made to say he is living water at the same location and no one shall thirst (John 4:7-21)

8. The Second Coming led to believe no one knew the time or place was a sarcastic statement because time was given as a generation (40 years) from his fictional death in 33CE from which the Zealots were defeated at Masada in 73CE

9. Saving the best for last is Jewish rebels dying of starvation from their failed efforts to break a prison wall built by Titus enciring Judea (Luke 19:43) & WOJ 5,12, 499-501. To fight off starvation some of the Jews engaged in Cannibalism. This is the origin of the Eucurarist and the doctrine of Transubstaniation of eating the flesh of Jesus body. A reckless coincidence is found in the original Maccabee history where an old gray Eleazar refuses to save himself by eating swine. In the WOJ it’s a young infant named Elezaar who is eaten by starving Mary from the house of Hyssop. Osiris has the same Elezarr name whose body is cut up and put back together except for the missing Phallus being eaten by a Nile pike fish. So when the Catholics eat that circular wafer it may be symbolic of the sun and a testicle.


One of the primary causes for the war between the Romans and the Jews was the Jews refusal to worship the Roman emperors as gods. Through the rest of the empire did, the Jews would not call Caesar “Lord”. As I have pointed out, the cruelest deception of Christianity is that by replacing the Jewish God and son of God with Roman emperors, it tricked Jews in the NT into calling Caesar “Lord” without them knowing it. Christianity stole the identities of the God of Judaism and his messiah rebel sons, as well as those of zealots/Sicarii John and Simon. The leaders of the messianic rebellion. Their identities were given to Vespasian and Titus and to the “Christian Apostles” John and Simon. These disguised characters were combined with other symbols of Roman conquest, the cross of the crucifixion and the flesh of the Messiah”, to create a religion that both absorbed and ridiculed the messiah movement.

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