Black Short Stories : The Last Time (Part Two)

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by mzperception, Jan 4, 2012.

  1. mzperception

    mzperception Member MEMBER

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    Playing around with a few scenarios since writing the intro...tell me what you guys think...

    I wondered what things would have been like had she not walked in that night. If he would've ever told me about what was taking place in his life. How they had planned this wedding and had established this life together over five years ago.

    He held my hand while we'd strolled into the Grand Lux Cafe. We were seated near a window, a clear view into the parking lot. While he ordered our meal, as he usually does, i caught a glimpse of a newly engaged couple taking pictures in the distance. Camera flashes illuminated him on one knee, hands extended with hers in his, as she stood with the other over her mouth and tears streaming down her face. It would seem as though they'd met at the Barnes and Nobles sometime before as this was where passersby gathered to watch everything unfold. I smiled at the idea. And just as I started to daydream Landin began to speak and pulled me back in to reality.

    "So, what made you call?"
    "I needed closure."
    "Closure?" He asked, like I was speaking a language that he didn't understand.
    "Yes, closure I figured that you calling day after day warranted some type of explanation."
    He looked away and sighed deeply.
    "I guess my heart just needed to hear this pitiful *** lie that you believed would excuse the fact that you are engaged to be married. I'm really just wondering how you managed that for over two years now?"
    "I just did."
    "Unbelievable!"

    I took a sip from my glass and shook my head. His arrogance was one of the reasons that I found myself attracted to him in the first place. But It would soon be the same reason that we would never speak again. I couldn't stand that the smirk on his face turned me on still. Or how I felt that any explanation was okay for me to go back into this thing with open arms knowing that my wounds had not healed.
    The waitress approached the table with our entrees in hand. For me--baked talapia, a baked potato, and asparagus. For him-- grilled steak topped with shrimp, a baked potato, and a side of corn. We held hands momentarily to bless the food.
    "So," I began "were you ever going to tell me?"
    He wiped the corners of his mouth, placed his fork deep within his steak and with the other hand began to cut.
    "It probably wouldn't have been this soon had she not showed up, but eventually."
    "Eventually?"
    "Yes, eventually. I didn't see any reason to."
    I just sat there with a blank expression.
    "Look Tangie, irregardless of what you think, me and her called this engagement off a few weeks prior to her coming by that night. In fact, she was coming to remove the last of her things before she left for Washington."
    "Really," I retorted.
    Really,” he replied before slicing another piece from his steak.

    Among the excuses that I'd thought he'd come up with before this meeting, this one still sat uncomfortably within my stomach. The thought that he and she's engagement being dismissed and them going their seperate ways puzzled me. How is it that it could be true?
    Just as I'd began to not like the idea of being an item with Mr. Landin, it soon became a reality that it really could be possible. Without the interference of another woman as it was before, he would finally be all mines.
     
  2. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i guess i need to read the intro.:)

    is it realistic? yes
    can i picture this happening? yes.
    can i appreciate the flow of the story? yes.

    it's indicative of young women today...who do not get to know their man...and who doesn't demand respect from their man. to think that a man can maintain a relationship with a woman for two years and his other woman not know...is curious, at best. yet, because women don't take the time to get to know their man, it happens. when you get to know a person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you insinuate yourself into his life--you know his character, his friends, his family, his job, his likes and dislikes, where he spends his time when he's not with you. you don't just take his word for it, you learn for yourself. too many woman fail to do this...and things happen.

    the fact that this piece provoked such a response should, in some way, tell you about the worth of it. our words are meant to evoke some reaction from the reader...something the reader can relate to. to that extent, it was very well done.

    congratulations.
     
  3. mzperception

    mzperception Member MEMBER

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    Thank you very much for your comment... it means a lot seeing as though my writing is still somewhat of a hobby. I know the talent that I possess but have trouble getting out there and making things happen. You guys keep me motivated...to know that someone is interested in what I have created. Thank you again.

    O...the intro is called The Last Time, it is on here also...enjoy...
     
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