**** it, im alone....that may never change so I should be prepared I’ve been feeling so down lately, there’s nothing to which it can be compared I even fail trying to talk to God when I pray I don't stay on my knees long, I don't know what to say I feel as if im failing on every aspect of my life making bad choices, regretting it, and then go back and do it twice I’m wasting all potential and I hate my weakness when it comes to change I get in weird moods that even I can't explain anger, regret, and suspicion are my favorite emotions now I’m turning into something I don’t like, and can't slow it down I hope I have some hope left, I’m running out of motivation I feel like im not even living, it's more like a life simulation I would welcome a new life with no hesitation, but I have to make it for myself and learn to be content with my son, my thoughts and my health material wealth is not the answer I seek happiness seems so close, but it's just out of reach I keep trying to trust people and keep getting burned mistakes are supposed to teach you, but what the hell am I to learn?? that my fellow humans don’t care about **** but what’s good for them? that when a woman gets a real man, she doesn’t know how to treat him? that my chances for finding the love I sought has gotten more and more slim? **** it, I don't even care anymore..my numbness is returning in force ima be anti-social and dislike humans with no remorse only when I learn that someone can be trusted, will I open up a little bit but in my mind I feel that most people are full of ******** even with my life so ****ed up beyond recognition I still try and be honest and play my position all a man has is his word, you know what’s, and his beliefs im consistent with mine, they won't change till the day I’m deceased I know what's wrong and I know what's right and I won't blur the line between the 2 no matter how dark the night Derrick H.