The Recession affects everybody: ? I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. ? Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. ? CEO's are now playing miniature golf. ? Goldman-Sachs laid off 25 Congressmen. ? Jesse Jackson now takes up the social causes of everyone. ? I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife. ? If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. ? McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. ? Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. ? Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. ? My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her! ? A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico. ? A picture is now only worth 200 words. ? When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. ? The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. ? Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear! And, finally... ? I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.