The Recession affects everybody:
? I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
? Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
? CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
? Goldman-Sachs laid off 25 Congressmen.
? Jesse Jackson now takes up the social causes of everyone.
? I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
? If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
? McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
? Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
? Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
? My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
? A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.
? A picture is now only worth 200 words.
? When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
? The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
? Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.
Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally...
? I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.