Hello Family !!!!
I said that i'd not post anything over here, but when i read that i could go and get an old peace ... one that i really love and wonder how it would be critiqued ... plus what would it be like if i didn't take part in this, our newest forum ... yall know i had ta represent!
Another thing i've learned, from watching the interaction thus far ... is that a critique also includes what the reader thinks the poet is saying, or where the poet is at, etc. ... that is deep, and an awesome aspect of this new forum ... which i could not ... did not ... anticipate.
So here i am ... i'm ready ... i have braced myself for the haunting reviews!
But for real though, i think for this forum to be a true success ... everyone must be honest, and that honesty must be embraced. Don't have me running around here calling myself a poet, 'cause yall don't wanna hurt my feelings!
Okay ... here goes ... my poem for critique!
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The Discrimination Was So Great
the discrimination was so great, they beat me to the ground
i'd been taught to fight back, but this beating was profound
still after every single blow i maintained my firm position
thinking surely right would win and they'd loosen up the tension
but there was more of them than me and my body had to give
waving my white flag, you win ... forever ... i'm your captive
i won't talk back anymore, not a word you'll hear from me
just let me keep my job so that i can feed my family
but still they kept on beating, brought them joy to see my pain
till something clicked inside of me, looking back it seems insane ...
God knew this was too much for me, how much can one soul take
so He gave me Bubba, Beulah and Cindy to help relieve the ache
they came and lived inside of me, taking bullets that were aimed
to kill my soul, my spirit, my hope, leaving all completely maimed
Cindy came in first, she was white and very meek
it was quite natural for her to act and talk real weak
just the way they wanted to hear their captive speak
now Beulah, that's my girl, she was rough and tough and mean
she aint take no stuff ... nuth'n submissive 'bout this Queen
i exhaled so dramatically with Beulah on the scene
Bubba, ooohhhh my Bubba, he'd kill a rock for me
big and black, strong and tall, he wasn't waiting to be free
he loved to fight, didn't mind dying 'cause he'd be taking quite a few
we all felt safe with Bubba around, i think Bubba was the glue
that held us all together, the courage that got us through
they came to relieve me of the pain that discrimination caused
allowing me to hide in them so the pain in me could pause
they fought the battle so i could hide behind their strong resolve
'til God lifted us out of the lion's den so we could all evolve
i was really very shocked during this trying time of mine
that these spirits came to live inside my body, soul and mind
it's been years since they left, they remained for quite a while
making sure that peace was mine before leaving me behind
Bubba was the last to leave and quite reluctantly
assuring him that all was well he tipped his hat to me
i cried real tears as i saw him walk away
wondr'n if he helped my ancestors make it thru their days
Destee
I said that i'd not post anything over here, but when i read that i could go and get an old peace ... one that i really love and wonder how it would be critiqued ... plus what would it be like if i didn't take part in this, our newest forum ... yall know i had ta represent!
Another thing i've learned, from watching the interaction thus far ... is that a critique also includes what the reader thinks the poet is saying, or where the poet is at, etc. ... that is deep, and an awesome aspect of this new forum ... which i could not ... did not ... anticipate.
So here i am ... i'm ready ... i have braced myself for the haunting reviews!
But for real though, i think for this forum to be a true success ... everyone must be honest, and that honesty must be embraced. Don't have me running around here calling myself a poet, 'cause yall don't wanna hurt my feelings!
Okay ... here goes ... my poem for critique!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
The Discrimination Was So Great
the discrimination was so great, they beat me to the ground
i'd been taught to fight back, but this beating was profound
still after every single blow i maintained my firm position
thinking surely right would win and they'd loosen up the tension
but there was more of them than me and my body had to give
waving my white flag, you win ... forever ... i'm your captive
i won't talk back anymore, not a word you'll hear from me
just let me keep my job so that i can feed my family
but still they kept on beating, brought them joy to see my pain
till something clicked inside of me, looking back it seems insane ...
God knew this was too much for me, how much can one soul take
so He gave me Bubba, Beulah and Cindy to help relieve the ache
they came and lived inside of me, taking bullets that were aimed
to kill my soul, my spirit, my hope, leaving all completely maimed
Cindy came in first, she was white and very meek
it was quite natural for her to act and talk real weak
just the way they wanted to hear their captive speak
now Beulah, that's my girl, she was rough and tough and mean
she aint take no stuff ... nuth'n submissive 'bout this Queen
i exhaled so dramatically with Beulah on the scene
Bubba, ooohhhh my Bubba, he'd kill a rock for me
big and black, strong and tall, he wasn't waiting to be free
he loved to fight, didn't mind dying 'cause he'd be taking quite a few
we all felt safe with Bubba around, i think Bubba was the glue
that held us all together, the courage that got us through
they came to relieve me of the pain that discrimination caused
allowing me to hide in them so the pain in me could pause
they fought the battle so i could hide behind their strong resolve
'til God lifted us out of the lion's den so we could all evolve
i was really very shocked during this trying time of mine
that these spirits came to live inside my body, soul and mind
it's been years since they left, they remained for quite a while
making sure that peace was mine before leaving me behind
Bubba was the last to leave and quite reluctantly
assuring him that all was well he tipped his hat to me
i cried real tears as i saw him walk away
wondr'n if he helped my ancestors make it thru their days
Destee