The Danger of Being A Black Man

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by Nisa, Oct 15, 2004.

  1. Nisa

    Nisa Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2004
    Messages:
    1,512
    Likes Received:
    31
    Location:
    MICHIGAN
    Ratings:
    +31
    My dear brothers,
    I just finished reading a section of Chains and Images of Psychological Slavery by Dr. Na'Im Akbar and a section of part one of Countering the Conspiracy to Destroy Black Boys by Jawanza Kunjufu, and as I read, I reflected upon what happened to us during slavery. It saddened me to finally connect everything together from 400+ years ago, to the present. In the book by Akbar, it talked about how we were looked as objects instead of humans, not allowing us to marry, just living together..and now to the present where its alot of domestic arrangements, where a child or several children are produced. There is no commitment involved in alot of these situations.One stemming from the repetitive cycle of their father's, forefathers etc not being in their lives.Two, when a woman becomes pregnant, alot of the social services that can assist women, such as public housing,etc are not as helpful when there is a man in the picture, so the woman therefore tries to get the man out of her life, so that she can provide for her children,and that sends a bad message. Three, as a result of that they havin to become men of the house at a young age without an example to bring home the bacon...which is hard to come by because they might get a highschool degree or college degree, but they will not make as much as their white counterparts, and when trying to come home to the black family, they are looked down upon by alot of us women counterparts (hope I dont killed for that one sisters), and their is a fear of being failures to their women, and fear of failing themselves, their children, so they'd rather just not committ. I was also reading and as a result of a black man not being there to help their son's grow into a man...alot of men turn to homesexuality..not to disrespect our black women per se...but to get the affection of another man, and I personally think..the downlow is where a man still wants that "manly affection" but still loves women, which in both circumstances is a dangerous cycle. I think as a black woman personally, I have learned from reading this,that the black man is indeed fragile..not weak ..but fragile in the sense that they are not being placed in powerful positions, not given a chance to be providers for the family,not supported in alot of personal areas, and are not supposed to express their emotions. I'm not trying to make excuses for any behavior, but wanted to look at the core issues behind whats really going on, and what we can do to heal the black man/black family.Black women/brothers,stop calling each other *****..its subconciously negative.. In order to heal we do need to educate ourselves and reflect and change our patterns..so good history can repeat itself, even though it will take a while.....
    Be Blessed My brothers... :number1:
    Nisa
     
  2. Sun Ship

    Sun Ship Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2003
    Messages:
    1,630
    Likes Received:
    38
    Ratings:
    +39
    How is extinction initiated?

    I hope others have some comments to contribute to this thoughtful and investigative post. The complexities of this subject have overwhelmed our community and a revolutionary response to many of these social enigmas has become short-circuited by the everyday distraction of capitalism and the ongoing subliminal Americanization of “freed Negroes”.

    I call it “Dysgenics


    Peace and Ashe,

    Brother Sun Ship
     
  3. Nisa

    Nisa Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2004
    Messages:
    1,512
    Likes Received:
    31
    Location:
    MICHIGAN
    Ratings:
    +31
    We aren't "free" we have "choices". I wanted to add that our legal system is like the slave trade..court room is the auction block.. where the black woman and her children have to witness their father/husband sold to the highest bidder(bail), and the slave master (judge) demeaning them in front of their daughters and sons. Another is that these entertainers are like the court jesters..entertaining..get paying high amounts of cash..but did one ever think that the white man would rather highly pay their jesters than let a black man get their education and have power...alot of our young black men aspire to learn jumpshots and all of that jazz ..but they don't have time for homework...they're getting that message that education doesn't "bring home the bacon"..jestering does :uhh:
     
  4. Sun Ship

    Sun Ship Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2003
    Messages:
    1,630
    Likes Received:
    38
    Ratings:
    +39
    "Freed" as metaphor

    I think you should understand that my conspicuously facetious use of the term “freed Negroes” as compared to “free” is relative to our apparent and true state of being. We choose in the context of another’s authority and control.
     
  5. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    10,227
    Likes Received:
    191
    Location:
    The Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +194
    Excellent Post!

    I hinted at the remaining effects that slavery has on the mentality of child rearing/abandonment within the African American community in another post:

    The absence of fathers in the African American community have been discussed numerous times on this website, and countless others. However, I can't help but wonder if we are not exploring all the factors which contribute to this trend. On the superficial level the explanation is simple: That of irresponsible men, who care nothing of their children or community. Deeper examinations of this problem point out that many of these men grew up without fathers themselves, and this void contributes to the behavior of "dead beat" dads. Another observation has been poor dating/mating choices made by black females, as well as a lack of birth control usage in the African American community, both of which contributes to unwanted child births (and increases the probability of male-flight).

    I believe that all of these behaviors and occurances contributes to the extremely high number of fatherless homes in the African American community. However I think the issue of black men abandoning their children has to be explored more on a psychological level. This exploration can not just concentrate on the man, or woman, but the community as a whole. One thing I've noticed that few others have mentioned, is that when a black man leaves his child. That child is not only abandoned by the father, he/she is ignored by the father's entire family (including the paternal grandparents). It is one thing for a irresponsible man to ignore his child, but when the grandmother & grandfather (as well as the rest of the father's family) does not recognize the child either...this suggest a communal problem.

    In addition to the recognition that black children are not just being abandoned by their fathers, but by their entire paternal family. I have also noticed that many single mothers of boys do not encourage their sons to take care of their children. Indeed I have personally witnessed on several occasions single mothers attack women who come after their sons for child support, instead of identifying with them (and encouraging their son to do the right thing). This has always puzzled me, and to this day, I still can't figure it out. My only explanation is that these patterns within our community is the manifestation of a deep psychological illness. One which threatens to destroy us from within, unless we change (and quickly)!
     
  6. Solo

    Solo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2002
    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    4
    Occupation:
    Tech Support for an ISP
    Location:
    Birmingham, AL
    Ratings:
    +4
    This is very interesting, but if a man isn't man enough to stand up take care of his responsibilities then what can anyone else do? I know for a fact that slavery screwed us up and we have yet to fully heal, but we can't lean on that for everything. I think one thing we can do to heal the black family is to show better judgement when choosing a mate, male or female. Women are choosing men that are choosing to be irresponsible and men are choosing women who don't want or don't appreciate the virtues of an honorable man. We need to be more selective in who we give our bodies to.

    Sure black men are powerless in MANY situations and to be honest most of the time I feel as if I have nothing but enemies as a black man; that I can't really trust or rely on anyone. But there's simply no excuse to abandon your offspring. It's too bad these guys are so afraid of failing yet they show no fear when it comes to getting some.
     
  7. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    Messages:
    31,998
    Likes Received:
    11,478
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    retired computer geek
    Location:
    north philly ghetto
    Ratings:
    +13,732
    i think i engaged in a lot of sex for the wrong reasons when i was young.
    it was one area where i could feel some power.
    i might not be able to take the white man's job or political power but i could take his woman.
    that felt good.

    my hyper sexuality was a way for me to compensate for my failures in other areas of my life.

    this continues even today as the brothers who don't have a pot to piss in are the main ones out on the corner trying to mack up all the females.
    the most messed up brother i know is the one with the most females.
    he will jump on anything that has a pulse.
     
  8. Nisa

    Nisa Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2004
    Messages:
    1,512
    Likes Received:
    31
    Location:
    MICHIGAN
    Ratings:
    +31
    Oh yes I know that men have to take up for their responsibilities..like I said I'm not trying to make excuses for. It just amazed me to see how slavery has this continuous impact on the black community today. We just need to raise our son(s) differently.
    Be Blessed
     
  9. Sun Ship

    Sun Ship Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2003
    Messages:
    1,630
    Likes Received:
    38
    Ratings:
    +39
    Black men, women and children

    I never will forget a statement made on the back Dr. Carter G Woodson’s extraordinary book, “The Mis-Education Of The Negro” paraphrasing, “if there is no back door to go through, we will cut one into the building and enter”. The reason why I mention this snippet of wisdom is because we function in a vortex or vicious cycle of self-hatred, self-fulfilling prophetic actions and lifestyles.

    As I hear story after story of many Black men who do not fit the image of irresponsible brothers, it’s interesting to hear how some Black women throw wrenches into the relationships of Black men and their children, to make sure that the men they are dealing with, are just as vulnerable to reactionary behavior as their irresponsible and/or “absentee-father” Black male counterparts. In the end hoping to prove that all Black men are the same and to hear their sorority of friends remark “I told you so”.

    When things are going “too well” among our people, it seems like we are programmed to self-destroy any functional or positive alternatives to failure and/or strife.

    I do not understand why we always discuss the complexities of the Black father and son (or daughter) relationship from the point of view or observations of stereotypically defined irresponsible Black males. It is easy to overly simplify the problems of Black fathers and their children in the context of what has been overly exploited.

    Peace,

    Brother Sun Ship
     
  10. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,375
    Likes Received:
    1,430
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,862
    My humble opinion...

    Enslaving us and breaking us down mentally to become amicable slaves was no easy task from what I've read about our history. Removing the chains of a "slave" mentality from our minds won't be easy either because it's been ingrained in our thinking by years of constant exposure to the lies about who we are and our value to human life.

    The focus in this Black/White co-dependent relationship is portrayed always in terms of dark and light. Light is always good and often portrayed in the color white which we connect to the people who refer to themselves by this color. Darkness falls upon the Black man whenever he's talked about because, among other things, he's always portrayed as the single-most problem in this society as a whole and is expected to carry the burden alone of what ails us as a people. It's as though Black women's issues can be justified in terms of having to be strong and stand up for her and her family because the Black man isn't capable of doing his share. (Sounds like Bill Cosby doesn't it?)

    Maybe in a patriarchal society it's natural to think that the man is expected to carry the lion's share of the responsibility. Most popular religions put men at the helm to set and drive the course upon which an entire civilization is expected to follow. Women nurture and men are supposed to protect and to lead--according to predominant western thought. Crush the men and you conquer a people. Take their women away, a man is left with very little. of social value. Dehumanize and demasculate (is that a word?) men and women will abandon them and turn to their own survival instincts to support and protect them and their children. Without a sense of "family" there is no cohesion between men and women and they will become wanderers in a wilderness looking for their home.

    Both Black men and Black women need to stop subscribing to the stereotypical beliefs about one another. Stop supporting each other's mental illnesses and begin looking for healthier ways to help each other heal and detox. We need to jump down off the auction block stop selling ourselves cheap and to just anyone. If we can truly begin to see each other through the eyes of a people who understands our struggle, understands how we've been brainwashed to not love ourselves or each other, and know that we aren't completely powerless to do anything about it, we will surely see a difference in who we become.

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
Loading...