Poetry Critiques : The Crying Child's Prayer

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by BaBiNaNa*, Mar 21, 2009.

  1. BaBiNaNa*

    BaBiNaNa* New Member MEMBER

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    The Crying Child’s Prayer

    I’m tired of crying, but pretending it’s alright.
    I’m lonely and scared when I go to sleep at night.
    I hate when I smile to fake everything’s okay.
    I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to live this way.
    Lord take my hand, and please don’t let go.
    b/c I feel like I’m dying, there’s no window. There’s no door.
    I’m trapped with these thoughts racing in my head.
    I go days without eating, just lying in my bed.
    I know there’s more to life than what I’ve seen.
    Wash my hands, help me be clean.
    Show me the way, and I won’t do this again.
    Love me through my mistakes. Just be my friend.


    :em2900: BaBiNaNa*
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    This piece was phat ...I love the concept of it and how it kiss each line
    it would bring even a more powerful splash if it was in a 3 or 4 stanza concept
    very well versed too , ya pen and creativity is strong love what u do keep ding it

    you brought it with face value and realism .....very great piece of work poet !

    welcome to Honesty critiques BaBiNaNa
     
  3. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Speaking in the pleading words of a child, begging for help, for no this should not be. Poet, how this touched me, and let us pray that the heavy burden of such children be lifted. Welcome to Destee.com!! Looking forward to reading more from you. :)
     
  4. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I like this flow
    The poem stayed in the emotion
    It flowed well and ended strong
    Keep up the great work BaBiNaNa*
     
  5. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

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    i like it

    i think it touches us all

    and that to me makes it a great work

    peace
     
  6. HSF Moe

    HSF Moe Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    wow, this piece is heavy.

    leaves you with unanswered questions and the meaning probably changes with every reader:
    * is this an abused child?
    * is the child living in poverty? or
    * is the "child" the black man? or
    * a drug addict?
    * are you speaking of the inner child with issues never resolved from childhood? like depression? or insecurity?
    * who is the child speaking to (love me through my mistakes/just be my friend)?

    nicely written...
     
  7. Antwan

    Antwan Member MEMBER

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    There is a lot to this. I will have to read it a few more times to digest. It is quite deep. Thank you.
     
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