Black Relationships : The Bulb blew last night!

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Poetic Justice, Feb 16, 2005.

  1. Poetic Justice

    Poetic Justice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello everyone i just wanted to tell you something that i feel alittle guilty about.
    Let me explain, see i have lied to you.
    I wanted to be apart of this site so bad that i had to ensure that my husband understood that it was just my passion for writing that always brought me safely here to unfold with all of you.
    I have always praised him to all of you and in that respect i never lied, i know i love him with all the breath in my body and he has always made me feel like our lives were intwined amidst his organs of the soul.
    But he has been very hard on me and that is why i disappear for months and i dont leave any word.
    My husband has a problem with Domestic Violence and he has abused my for 14 years, his jealousy meant my demise and my life ceased to grow and i could not do anything unless he okayed it first.
    If you read my poems you can see some of my pain, and my last thread you love me, was how it use to be between us in the early days before the beatings became his friend.
    For the last 14 years i have been a prisoner in my own home and i have been in and out of shelters to return with my kids because of fear and love and financial problems and the desire for my marriage to work, i tried so hard and gave up so much, and he just go worse and worse and worse.
    I sit here now and wonder that god could have been the only one to give me the courage to call the police this time, i was tired , he had became a demon.
    I lost my mother last month and he beat me anyway, i had to hold her hand when she died and he knew i was lost inside and he used it to hurt me, and eventho he is in jail now, my heart is broken.
    I have never loved anyone in my life the way i love him i feel like my soul died inside, and i had to leave all my belongings and leave with my kids and i dont know where i will live or if i can afford to live anywhere.
    I wanted to share this with all of you because i needed too.
    I feel so lost inside i guess i need this family support, please.
    Because of the abuse of so many years the state took it over and he is still in jail and i know when he gets out he will look for me in rage.
    So if you never hear from me one fine day and those days turn into years past five, always remember that i always tried to be honest until it was almost choked out of me.
    I love everybody here, Destee, RIch, NNqueen, Purplemoons, Khasm, keep flowing and give the words the skills they need to administer to the soul, you have always done that for me.
    Hey destee, listen i wanted to ask you what ever happened to a poem i wrote on here called "Little Black Girl Dont Cry, i cant find it anywhere can you see if you can pull it up i kind of need to feel that right now.
    And for anyone i forgot to mention Blakverb, i read alot of work here i just couldnt before put down to many replys because he was very jealous of that, will someone please pray that my heart will not give out and i will not be homeless for much longer, i should have named this "guess what i was doing on valentines day, I have kids and no resources i need prayer and support, it happened so fast and i just couldnt let him beat me again, i couldnt hear the words, i think i would have died if i wouldnt have called this time.
    Keep the flow, its my therapy.
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    access the support network where you live!!!!!!!!!!!

    stop calling yourself shawnswife!
    get your own identity.
    assert your own humanity.

    in your city there is a support network to help women in your situation.
    you need to access that network immediately.

    you should never see that poor excuse for a man again.
    never!

    you do not love him.
    you need to love your children and your self.

    move to another city somehow.
    get into therapy and heal your soul.

    if he is so tough, i'm sure he can make it without you.
    he will quickly find another victim.

    get help now! :grouphug:
     
  3. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    Sister, I am so happy you decided to take a stand for yourself and your children. I know it is not easy to move on, but think positive. Everytime that man lays his hands on you, you are so close to losing your life. Your children are in jeopardy of losing their Mother. one second of being abuse is too long, let alone 14 years. Reestablishing yourself will be a new journey for you and your children. No! It won't be easy, but you are worth every bit of the struggle. If you keep your eyes on the goal it will pass by so fast that you won't even notice the time it took. You will feel so proud of the outcome. You will know your true worth and the strength to end a cycle of abuse, were always in you. I know you love your husband. Most beautiful women do. You must learn to love yourself again! Like that time before you met your husband, only better and more!

    Like Brother James said, Get some help with this! You don't have to do this alone. Their are many outreach programs that will help a determine women to hurdle over the obstacles. You can do this Sister! Believe in yourself!! Make it happen for you and your children. I will be sending my love to you in spirit!!!

    Now you do the damm thing!!!!!!!, and run through any and everything that gets in the way of your peace of mind!

    :hearthis: I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!! :great: :grouphug:
     
  4. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi, The soon to be "New and Improved you"
    I :bowdown: to both your strengh and courage ...
    and I again :bowdown: with a yard wide *smile* on my face, for the safe departure of "death waiting to happen" And jamesfrphilly was so correct in saying ...lose the name,
    Your not "shawnswife" ..you were "shawns death".
    I know in my heart, you will make it ...for, where there's a "will" ...there's a "way"
    surely my prayers are always there ...always.
     
  5. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    BTW a so called man who beats or kills his wife CAN NOT be thinking about his children.

    she's dead, he goes to jail and the kids go into the system.

    people who fail to put their children first fail my definition of human.
    they deserve no love.

    a person who cares not for his own children is not a man in my eyes.
    you can not care for your children and harm their mother.
     
  6. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi sister... *sigh* where to begin...

    My sista...though I think blak love is beautiful, what you are experiencing is one-sided

    love should be a UNION-you for he- and vice versa.

    Sister I plead with you to do what is best for you and the children...

    I went ahead and listed some links here of places you can call in your area should you choose to...

    the ball is in your court...But I will say this my sister.

    I have read your poetry. You are a bright soul beacon with the spirit of a Queen.

    You deserve nothing but the best and why should your children get any less when YOU are their mother.

    If he loves you...he will make a change but if he wont...you must do what YOU have to do...

    what good is the life you have been blessed with if you can not LIVE

    find your happiness my sister :grouphug:

    Michigan Crime Victims

    Shelters for Familys

    DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LAWYERS

    US DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LINKS

    Be strong my sister my prayers are with you...and I pulled back dat poem you wanted :grouphug:

     
  7. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Reading this breaks my heart. I hope you and your children have a safe journey away from your abuser.
    Peace and blessings!
     
  8. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    wrong!

    the abuser uses love like a tool in order to get back in with the victim.
    he would never have beat her in the first place if he loved her.

    if she goes back with this man he will kill her, she has already said so herself.
    the only way is for her to get free.

    for the children.
     
  9. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That is one take brotha James...

    If you can sister please keep us updated :grouphug: :heart: :grouphug:

    we love you here :heart:
     
  10. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If a man hits you one time....that's it. Never, ever take a man back no matter how many times he says he will not do it again. Look at it this way, if this is the first time you've got him locked up for it...he might kill you and your kids. It happens. Once a woman gets a man arrested for something like this, it might get worse. DO NOT give a man that beats you a second chance to finish the job sista. Don't hold on to a man that takes you for granted to the point where he has to beat you like a dog. It breaks my heart to see women beaten and abused, so imagine how much you're hurting your kids by allowing them to witness it. Leave...never look back and forget this loser. That is the ONLY take on this situation.
     
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