Black Teenagers : the best way to get over someone??

Discussion in 'Black Teenagers - Teenz Exprezzed!' started by babyshy1, Oct 7, 2011.

  1. babyshy1

    babyshy1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I've tried cutting him out completely. It didn't work, we bumped into each other, then started talking again. We went through periods where we talk then stop, then he started called me a few times. I found out he still liked me a few months ago and still does. I was almost getting there (I thought so). We barely ever talk now, but he is still on my mind!! argh. He has a girlfriend aswell which I have known for a long time and that is why I have kept my distance. I've been on dates with other guys but my mind always goes back to him. I kinda wish he didnt let me know he had feelings for a me though, since nothing is going to happen I probably wouldn't be think "what if so much". I miss our conversations too :( I want some what of a friendship with him, but I dont think he does. its a weird situation, but I mostly understand his actions since he has a girlfriend and all.. but he has many other female friends he hangs out with, I just dont get why he hasn't tried to pursue some sort of friendship with me like he said he wanted. I dont get this part??
    .. Sooo any suggestions??
     
  2. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You just need to cut any and all ties with him...It may be hard to do if you have friends in common, because they will probably bring him up in conversation, or you may see him out and about with friends of yours. It will take you some time to get over him, but realize, YOU WILL GET OVER HIM in time. It's okay to miss him and think about him. This is apart of the healing process. Respect his relationship with his new girlfriend.
    You could also do this, tell him you would still like to be friends, even if it means not being able to hang out with him. It shows him that you're strong enough to get over him and able to move on. He may miss you and want to be friends with you, but he can't because he does have a gf and doesn't want to hurt her...accept it.
    Get rid of any items that he has given you. Or lock them away in a chest so you don't have to see it any more...Out of sight, out of mind.
    I'm 28 now and still continue to see my first love that I dated at 15-17, he's married now. But I'm completely over him now.
    You'll meet other guys in life and some of them may break your heart, and you'll miss them...Trust me I know.
    Find a hobby, hang out with your girl friends, watch movies that aren't about love but will make you laugh, when you hear a song that reminds you of him turn it off immediately.

    I don't know how old you are right now, I suspect in your teens. But the guy you like now, will probably be someone you'll look back on and be like, "What the heck was I thinking?"

    But whatever you do...Don't tell him you want him back...If he wants to be with you, then he'll be with you.
     
  3. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have a suggestion that will start you on the process of giving you some peace. I'm using this myself to deal with my upcoming divorce, and I can tell you honestly that I am at peace with it.

    If it's over, then you have to take the faith you placed into the relationship out of the relationship. You have to stop believing that the relationship will work, because reality has shown you that it will not. The reason he has a girlfriend is because he either no longer believes that a relationship with you will work or has very little faith invested in a relationship with you, period. The reasons why that is the way it is does not matter as much as that reality does.

    One thing that the bible points out is that unless two people apply total faith to something that involves them, it will not work. The way the bible states it is like this: "Can two walk together unless they agree?" - Amos 3:3

    Think about it. What is the main thing that makes a relationship work? The belief within both of the individuals that being together will produce a rock-solid lifelong relationship. But if and when reality proves otherwise, the most harmful thing you can do to yourself is to keep the belief that it would work. You don't have a problem letting him go, because he's gone. You're holding onto the belief that a relationship with him would work if you had one more chance. He has moved on, so let go. Take your faith out of that belief.

    And when the other person has moved on, that person should no longer be a factor in your decision to take your faith out of the relationship. Keping faith inside of the idea of a relatinship with your ex will be the ONLY thing that causes you pain, because your emotions are evidence of where your faith is.

    When you take away your faith from the idea thatthe relationship will work, you slowly gain your peace and your power back. And also, when you take your faith back, you take your love back.

    Further, don't buy into all the emotional junk ideas that often attach themselves to a breakup: "he did me wrong, I can't stand his girlfriend, if only hewould see that I love him, this always happens to me," etc. Thoughts like these will make you stressed, sick, hateful, sad, lonely, and bitter, all because you won't take your faith away from the idea of a solid relationship with the person who is now your ex.

    The next thing is to get rid of your quest to answer the question "why." The "Why" is irrelevant at this point. The truth is that he is no longer in a relationship with you. If he truly wanted it, his faith would still be in the idea of a relationship with you, and you two would still agree to have faith that the relationship would work. And if all that were the situation, you would not behere looking for a way to get over the pain of not having the relationship. Accept that the relationship no longer exists and takeyour faith away from the idea of that relationship being a positive thing. And put your faith back into your heart, because your love lies in your faith. And until the next person comes, direct your faith and love towards yourself, so you can gain your self back. This is what "love yourself" really means.

    Next, I would take Ms. Interpret's advice, and remove anything that reminds you of that relationship. It should be nothing more than a memory that you learn from. Memorabilia (reminders) only take you on an up and down roller coaster of negative and damaging emotions. Don't watch any TV shows, listen to any songs, watch any movies, or engage in any activity that reminds you of him. If you engaged in a certain activity before him, go back to the emotional place youwere in before you met him and stay there. Keep your focus away from any thoughts of him.

    If you run into him again, don't engage in any intimate conversation with him. Keep it light and cordial. If you feel that he is trying to access a part of your old emotions. politely end the conversation. Learning to "kill someone with kindness" will make you more powerful each time you do it. Moreover, forgive his blindness of the treasure he had in you, and say one prayer for him. Forgiving him and the prayer is not for his benefit, but for yours.

    Next, don't give any power to any negative emotions about him. If he is with another chick, instead of thinking about that, know within yourself that he lost out on having the best of the treasure you tried to give him, and leave the thought at that. Appreciate the good that was in him and lock it away into the placeyou keep your positive lessons. Discard ALL negative feelings. Mr. Right should not have to pay for all of the mistakes the decoys made.

    Lastly, re-invest in yourself. Don't let anything or anyone lower your emotional value of yourself. Don't pay attention to any generalized negative views about character traits that you don't have. You don't need the bitterness that you could unconsciously pick up. Take on a hobby you wanted to for so long. Restore balance in your emotions, schedule, and friendship circles. Any negative emotions that come up, give them to God in prayer. He's better at dealing with them than you are. And be open to any correction God gives you. It isn't pleasant, but His plan isnot to hurt you, but tomake you better (Jerimiah 29:11).

    I will tell you that the first few months will be uncofortable and painful, because you are taking on a process you are not used to. But if you are consistent in taking your faith and love away from a non-existent relationship and putting it back into yourself, it won't be long 'till you feel the payoff. It will feel like a new peace, strength, confidence, and power. It's really the peace of reconnecting with God and with yourself.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Rollercoster ride.......off and on not health mentally because it leaves one confused
    to where they stand , like above take a step back and think .....where is he when he
    stop this relationship is a friendship allow it to be that and nothing more
    sure he like you but as what his mate or friend and you the same so reality is y'all
    friends but under a wish factor to be more !

    what faith you apply to it reverse it and move forward without second guessing
    apply self into something more positive ...stop the off and on calls
    speak and keep going soon it will become beyond you and peace will set in .

    Good Luck babyshy1
     
  5. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Thats so hard to do for adults...love power, a killer! I hope she can learn through others experiences and save herself some grief.
     
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