can't describe how i feel inside whatever comes out will be a lie because I simply can't explain whats going on in my heart, soul and brain one minute I really think I am okay the next my life seems in utter disarray i'm not hiding things from you I really just don't know what to do I am not asking for anything certainly no wedding ring or you to make up my mind i am just searching to find what it is you are ready to give because this baby will live and i don't want to tell you that i don't want to pursue a relationship but this causes so many other pauses in my life and yours don't want to make you run out the door . . . then i think, I think real hard why i am bothering to give you regard its not like i made this baby on my own but i know already i will raise him alone and i guess i am disappointed but i know my soul will be anointed i'm trying to keep it real to explain to you how I feel don't ask if you wanted a lie be uncomfortable when I begin to cry I am being torn inside trying to take this all in stride we've been friends for so long always keeping eachother strong seemed natural for me to turn to you when my relationship with him was through in your arms i found solace with you peace came any place as long as I was in your presence basking in your essence. and, now i don't even want to dial your number, tell myself not worthwhile i want you to call me i want you to tell me you're coming to see how i am doing and if there's anything i need (I told you lately how all i do is feed) i keep looking out the window trying to not let you overshadow the joy I feel about having our baby.