the cucumber incident.... alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love n the dark. hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber n his hand. "is this", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what u've been using on me for the last 5 years?" "honey, let me explain..." "y, u sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "u impotent son of a -" "speaking of sneaky," her husband interjected, "maybe u'd like to explain our 3 kids."