Black Relationships : ten years of mental scars

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by whisper, Oct 2, 2003.

  1. whisper

    whisper Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ten years ago i was a victim of domestic violence. In two short yeAArs my life was turned into a living nightmare. to MAKE it short .i lived in three different states with him. thinking each time it would get better .after moving back from atlanta. i had a son here at home. the day i got OUT OF the hospital he fought me again. i waited a month to save money. my four children and i landed in a shelter in pomona calif. for battered women I stayed in calif for ten months with just me and the kids. i move back home because of problems i was having there. that was in december of 92. August of 93 is when all hell broke lose. because of my sister talking to my husband. telling him things to cause more confusion between me and him. on august the 3rd my husband had hit me for the last time. and i was fed up. during the fight my four fingers on my right hand were severed and i had surgery to have my fingers re attached and recontrusted. a week after leaving he hospital . my ex-huband killed my brother . he served fours years in prison and four yeas on parole.(now heres the problem).i have seen him twice out in public. he has started talkingabout how the incident between him and my brother happen. his way of course. i have a problem with that now. i wont want tell my familyabout this it will bring all the past up again. i have decided to locate to another city. dont know where yet but i need to go .this mess has cause me so much stress.i did move out of town three years ago to avoid this mess and to get another start on life. but my oldest daugther had gotten trouble with the law. so i move back home. she is now nineteen i told her she is on . i am ready to try a gain for the last time and for things get ugly.
    ANY ADVICE ?????????
     
  2. Nia Maishani

    Nia Maishani Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Scary situation, Sister...

    Very simple: Please stay as far away from him as you can. Why did you move back to the state where he lived? I understand that is perhaps where your family is, but you are talking about a monster of a person, who obviously has not much conscience, if any. If I were you, there would be absolutely no contact with him, and I'd relocate to the opposite end of the nation and stay there to rebuild my & the children's life. Be careful, and take good care of yourself & your children.

    Peace & Blessings to you & yours,

    Nia
     
  3. whisper

    whisper Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thank yousister NIA
    to relocate is what i plan to do.i had moved back home too because at the time my children were very young and i was so weak and tired from all the drama. i must say that was the worst mistake i made. it bothers me sometimes. but over the years i have learned to move on even though it can be rough at times. i don't have any contactwith him. because of the situation our boys lives with his mother. which gives him no reason to bother me . but knowing the type of peron or monster that he is. i now that he will make it his business to bother me. restraing orders dont work

    NIA, i want to thank you again because when i got on this site it was my intent to have this thtread removeed. i felt it was proably to deep to read and people would be afraid to reply. but i know i have family here so i will just be patient i'm still looking for more advice and sugestions,

    apage
     
  4. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    no dont remove the thread my sista...sista nia is right...leave and dont think of it as being weak...you are being STRONG for you and your children...you deserve a life without that...take care of yourself and regain your self-worth...you are too good of a person to let him bring your spirits down.
    stay strong my sista
    you are in my prayers
    :grouphug:
     
  5. angelicsage

    angelicsage Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Use wisdom...and listen to the inner voice that is telling you to move.
    I am praying for you as I write that you do not look back.
    This is not a sign of fear but wisdom...You and your family have
    suffered more loss than any should ever have to endure in one's
    lifetime. My heart truly goes out to you.

    I had an aunt who was in an abusive relationship for years, even
    after she divorced him, he wouldn't leave the house for a year.
    The beatings, the mental abuse has left scars that affect her to
    this day...and it's painful for me to think of the things he did to her
    even in front of the children...(three in this case)

    But to God be the Glory....She is a new woman today and this was many years ago....
    The lord sent her a wonderful lifelong companion after
    many years of struggling to raise her children on her own without
    a dime of support from him and continued mental abuse and neglect
    of the children. She is now treated as a Queen and was able to
    reclaim her life by the grace of God.

    I would also like to suggest a book for you to read..."One day I cried" by Iyanla Vanzant.......
    as I read your post I was taken back
    to chapters of this book.....and looking at this woman today, you
    would not believe that she has experienced many of the things you
    speak of.

    I say all of this to show you that there is still hope...but listen
    to your inner voice...it's often the divine leading you...reclaim
    your life sister...he's stolen enough from you and I say this
    with utmost compassion, empathy and above all,.... LOVE.

    God be with you!
     
  6. SayWord

    SayWord Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. You should move far, far, far away and never look back. I'm not understanding why your sister would help put you in a bad situation. You should get an order of protection until you move. You should talk to your family about the situation. They have a right to know. You're in my prayers. I hope everything works out.
     
  7. whisper

    whisper Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thank you Trini424 for your words of encouragement. i like to think i am strong but sometimes it can be hard. but i keep going


    Angelicsage, i will get that book , thank you


    Sayword, my sister claims she did it for me. she said it was a way to get him from me . but that back fired. but three years before this happen she also had sleep with him. this is when he was my boyfriend and i didnt find out until after we were married three years later. so you know i dont believe her. protection orders dont work here i tried it before. by the time they delivered it to him my brother was in dead.as far as my family is concerned i only talk to my kids about it. you see i cant discuss this with my family of mother,dad, sisters,brothers, because when my brother was killed i was blamed for that too. why , because i was married to the man that did i. i even had death threats on me from my immediate family. hell i wasnt almost allowed at my own brothers funeral. they gave me hell. from because of the family. ten years has past. and things have changed . i cant talk to them.
     
  8. whisper

    whisper Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i want to thank you sisters again for the love and support you show. thankyou .so much
    i have to say love is given to you all
     
  9. MORE

    MORE Banned MEMBER

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    ooo pray sister, pray and write his name 7 times on a piece of paper and put it in your shoe u wear, and walk him out ur life! for real it works!:toast:
     
  10. whisper

    whisper Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thank you MORE
    and i am gonna do that too
    thanks again sister
     
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