Black Relationships : Temper....

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Lloyd, Jul 21, 2005.

  1. Lloyd

    Lloyd Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    How do you control your mood,when your so ANGRY with someone that you can DEEPLY hurt him-i mean physically-!!I have this problem,sometimes i don't know what to do.I want to start from scratch because some persons are afraid to tell me what they think about me!!!When taking a while to think about,i see itz normal because it's so easy for me to use my body and not my brain.
    But i want to tell you that i DON'T slug girls.
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Brother Lloyd ... put some space between the stimulus and your reaction.

    It doesn't really matter what the situation, you can practice and perfect this.

    It could be someone asking a question, or pushing your buttons. Makes no difference.

    Also, learn your own buttons! Learn to recognize those things that really upset you, and develop new responses for them ... and then they are buttons no more!

    Begin to give yourself some time to THINK of the BEST response.

    In one of Brother OldSoul's classes, he talked about RESPONSIBLE and he broke the word down like this ... RESPONSE ABLE ... he said that if we are responsible, then that means we are "response able."

    The more RESPONSE ABLE we are ... the more responses we have to choose from, when a response is needed.

    The fact that you are coming up repeatedly with ANGER, when a response is needed ... is a sign that you should try to increase the number of available responses you have ready to choose from.

    Hope this makes sense, and helps a little.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    There are times where creating space is not always an option.....What if the object of your temper is your boss at work?

    There are means that I practice on a spiritual level, to help control my temper, that work most of the time.

    However, one's anger, just like any emotion, should not be surpressed, but rather positively harnessed.

    People seem to erroneously think that the key to life is to walk around perpetually happy,, with no feelings of sorrow, anger, etc.......

    Not only is that totally unhealthy, but it's also totally unrealistic.

    Control over one's temper, comes from the same place as the control over one's happiness, as both emotional responses come from the same place.

    PEACE
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    There is always time to create space.

    Even if it is only a few seconds, that allows one to reflect, and choose the proper response.

    If it is your boss and work that stimulates the anger ... this is all the more reason to learn to do this ... as a quick, emotional, response could get you fired.

    Yeah ... just a few seconds, to formulate one's thoughts, consider all that was said and done ... and respond in the best of manners.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    that's when you need control the most.
    i always created space in my head so i could function. pulling back and looking at the big picture helped me.
     
  6. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    That's part of the spiritual solution that I was speaking about.

    What I meant originally, was that you are not always allowed the opportunity to put "physical" space between you and your antagonist.

    There are plenty of circumstances where this is not an option at work; what if you are sitting in the middle of a meeting, and your supervisor says something demeaning to you in front of the entire staff? Walking out is not an option, as that would make you look just as bad as responding impulsively.

    As I stated, there are many solutions that are good for your mental, emotional, physical and even spiritual health simultaneously, and not just one or the other.

    PEACE
     
  7. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Mannnn, you can learn this the hard way or the easy way. As Destee has stated, give it some time. You need that time before you respond to an emotional situation and say or do something you'll regret. Quick responses in an emotional situation can get you fired, get you locked up, or get you put on death row. Be wise. The fact that you're thinking about this shows that you have enough intelligence and that you love yourself enough to fix this problem that you have. THINK...THINK...THINK. Respond appropriately.

    When someone pisses me off, my first response is to get upset...naturally. But, I pause...giving myself some time to cool off and think of a response...if any at all. I usually pause and keep talking as if what just happened...didn't happen. It makes the other person look foolish for whatever they said or did.

    If I'm arguing with someone I care about and they say something that upsets me, I pause...and then tell them I will not respond in like kind and that I love them. Of course, always speaking in a very nice tone of voice. Don't yell. Don't raise your voice. NEVER hit anything...them...the wall...or anything else. Show control at all times. You control you...they don't control you. Most people say things to make you respond in like kind. Never do that...because then they see where your sensitive buttons are. And trust me, they will push the hell out of those buttons.

    Trust me, bruh. You can learn this the hard way...or the easy way. But, you WILL learn this lesson. Many people are behind bars, have lost someone or something dear to them, or are six feet under because they couldn't control their temper. Don't be like them. Be wiser. Control you.

    Dapz.
     
  8. Lloyd

    Lloyd Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks

    For all your advices.I'll try to follow them.But i want to ensure that itz not my boss who make me be so...angry!!!My boss is really COOL with me!Anyway,i'm talking about some of my family members or classmates...I see that i have a lot to do!!!Itwill not be easy,but may God be by my side.
     
  9. notbeautiful

    notbeautiful Active Member MEMBER

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    I don't think I have a temper problem. I'm the most patient person ever. Yet in situations where someone may be dishonest and I feel like they're trying to hurt me I get defensive. I'll never hurt someone physically because it's not in me to, but I would tell you about yourself. Only because deep down I feel threatened.

    Just lost a good friend that way. But hey, whatcha gonna do? Put it where? Back there. Lol. He deserved it.
     
  10. PoeticManifesta

    PoeticManifesta Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I tend to have one hell of a temper.....

    I have a hard shell to break..
    If you push me! .. to the brink of destruction .. you steppin on the wrong toes now!... While im usually the cool calk and collected type.. who can easily go about and mediate a situation.. once you tick me off! Mann..
    I try and be quite.. and not participate in the conversation listen but think of a calming song.. that can relax you. If that dosent work.. just excuse yourself and go the the bathroom and with cold water and cloth calm down. As a female i usually do end up physically abusing ppl.... (male friends.. my bf never ticks me off liek that) I always end up gettin playful.. then i get very agressive.. and boom.. "oops my bad"...... i cant help it.... its the only way the facilitate such anger and race.. its not like im a man beater.. it may be a pinch.. i may just spear you... or i may just poke you really hard where its tenderl. i cant help it.. srry guys .. :oops:
     
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