Destee's Thoughts Teaching Our Sons What to Want

Discussion in 'Destee's Thoughts' started by Destee, May 21, 2007.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Peace and Blessings Family,

    I'm wondering, do we ... Sisters ... teach our Sons what to want in a woman?

    Do we teach them to want white women, because we strive to be like them?

    Specifically, our hair. We seem to collectively hate our own hair, killing it to look (limp) like theirs ... soon out of the womb.

    We complain about Brothers w/white women ... but ironically ... we alter our hair's chemical make-up, to be like them.

    Do we plant the seed in our Sons' minds, letting them know, what is beautiful ... as they watch us strive to attain it?

    If we want our sons to want Black women, shouldn't we set the example by fully embracing all that we are?

    How can we expect them to appreciate our unique-ness, if we don't?

    How can they know how to want us, if we don't want ourselves?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  2. Goddess Auset333

    Goddess Auset333 Banned MEMBER

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    The Breaking Process Of The African Woman:What Every Black Woman Should Read

    The below tells us we have a lot of work cut out for us.

    The Breaking Process Of The African Woman:
    What Every Black Woman Should Read


    Take the female, run a series of tests on her to see if she will submit to your desires willingly. Test her in every way because she is the most important factor for good economics. If she shows any sign of resistance in submitting completely to your will, do not hesitate to use the bullwhip on her to extract the last bit of ***** out of her. Take care not to ill her, for, in doing so, you spoil good economics. When in complete submission, she will train her offspring in he early years to submit to labor when they become of age.

    Understanding is the best thing. Therefore, we shall go deeper into this area of subject matter concerning what we have produced here in this breaking process of the female ******. We have reversed the relationships. In her natural uncivilized state she would have s strong dependency on the uncivilized ****** male, and she would have a limited protective tendency toward her independent male offspring and would raise the female offspring to be dependent like her. Nature had provided for this type of balance.

    We reversed nature by burning and pulling one civilized ****** apart and bull whipping the other to the point of death - all in her presence. By her being left alone, unprotected, with the male image destroyed, the ordeal caused her to move from her psychological dependent state to a frozen independent state. In this frozen psychological state of independence she will raise her male and female offspring in reverse roles. For fear of the young male's life, she will psychologically train him to be mentally weak and dependent but physically strong.

    Because she has become psychologically independent, she will train her female offspring's to be psychologically independent. What have you got? You've got the ****** woman out front and the man behind and scared. This is a perfect situation for sound sleep and economics.

    Before the breaking process, we had to be alertly on guard at all times. Now we can sleep soundly, for out of frozen fear, his woman stands guard for us. He cannot get past her infant salve process. He is a good tool; now ready to be tied to the horse at a tender age.

    By the time a ****** boy reaches the age of sixteen, he is soundly broken in and ready for life's sound and efficient work and the reproduction of a unit of good labor force.

    Continually, though the breaking of uncivilized savage *******, by throwing the ****** female savage into a frozen psychological state of independency, by killing of the protective male image by creating a submissive dependent mind of the ****** male savage, we have created an orbiting cycle that turns in its own axis forever, unless a phenomenon occurs and reshift the positions of the female savages. We show what we mean by example. Take the case of the two economic slaves units and examine them closely.

    Source from: The Willie Lynch Letter And the Making of A Slave, Published by Lushena Books: Chicago, IL.

    Afro Interpretation

    Break the Black female by humiliating the Black male before her and she will subconsciously teach her children to see the Black male in a less attractive light. Do this for years at a time and soon you have a Black race run by women with a weakened Black male image.

    Taking notice of the state of Black-America today and realize that this plot has worked to the point where the Black man is in tight competition with the Black woman where it pertains to economic status and success as well as in the educational spectrum. The overwhelming amount of Black single-parent families and female-headed households attest to this fact.

    The hundreds of thousands of Black men being raised by Black women are either reluctant to stand against the white man and are rather programmed as workers or are too subservient and naive to see the ills being inflicted on him and his entire race.

    Restrain any Black male (or female) from standing up and speaking out about these ills and the Black race has no means of learning what is happening. Pay off, bribe, and or compromise with any Black male that tries to enlighten his people and you have a modern day Uncle Tom who further adds to the destruction of the Black race.

    © 2004 by C.R. Hamilton-


    -----------------------------------------
    Beloved Ones:

    Can we talk? Please lets always define words, the ones that are powerless and the words that has power.

    WANT-Temporary and belongs to the ways of the world. Short term, short lived, waivers, doubts, ifs, ands, buts...and the likes of.

    WANT
    will have us wanting more and more that eventually end up being stuff.

    NEED-Eternal, everlasting, long-term, long- live, perpetual, etc..

    When we have that which is vital and essential, which is NEED, all that we could ever want is already wrapped up in the NEEDS, and we will not go without.

    For example: I have a roof over my head. It may not be like the Jones's. Why would I buy one house say 250,000 to live in three, the price that can build 3-4 houses depending on where one lives? I wnat it, I do not NEED it.

    I have a car that may not be fancy like the Jones's, yet it gets me where I need to go. I need a car not something fancy with high car payments.

    I do not want to go to work, but I NEED to go to work.

    We often want to stay in our human being mind-set (WANT), which is holding us back, yet we NEED to get back in our Divine right mind-set.

    Want and Need is like Oil and water. Want will start off with the non-sensical five senses and once activated, want will lead us down the trail of feelings, and then on the emotional roller coaster, and once on these tracks where there is no harmony, balance, and order within (NEED), we end up with stuff we do not need, and we then must struggle to get rid of that which lead us into temporary urges not permanent NEEDS.

    We NEED to go or do all that we know to do for Afrika/Afrikans, yet we WANT to stay and build up the burning house (america) where we have never been even wanted.
    ---------------------------------------------------

    QG Destee: I'm wondering, do we ... Sisters ... teach our Sons what to want in a woman?

    Auset: I'm wondering, do we ... Sisters ... teach our Sons what to NEED in a woman?

    QG destee: Do we teach them to want white women, because we strive to be like them?

    Auset: We contribute to them wanting anything outside of their True selves, because of our own artificialities. Products of our environment. I think that I can speak for ALL TRUE Black males when I say that they the TRUE Black males is tired of the artificialities period. We should all be tired of artificialities, because it is when we do so then we can return back to our Divine True reality, where there is Truth about ALL things, the way we once were, and still can be again, because we are in control of defining our selves, not this european system defining us.

    Black Women, the Destiny of the Women is the Desiny of the world, and a nation will rise no higher than its women.

    Black goddesses, is the teacher in us Absent fom class or been suspended? Like a police officer. It is time to Arrest our wrong mind-set, and develop the right mind-set. It is time ot Strip Search ourselves of all artificialities. Like a plane, it is time to hijack our wrong mind-set, ABORT it.

    QG Destee: Specifically, our hair. We seem to collectively hate our own hair, killing it to look (limp) like theirs ... soon out of the womb.

    We complain about Brothers w/white women ... but ironically ... we alter our hair's chemical make-up, to be like them.

    Auset-The hair alone is not what drives black males to white females.

    QG Destee: Do we plant the seed in our Sons' minds, letting them know, what is beautiful ... as they watch us strive to attain it?

    Auset: Letting them Believe (ego based). For when we KNOW that we Know which is Truth Knowing, there is no waivers, doubts, ifs ands and buts. It is or it is not.

    If we want our sons to want Black women, shouldn't we set the example by fully embracing all that we are?

    Auset: Yes. If we NEED our sons to NEED Black women, shouldn't we set the example by fully embracing all that we are?

    Qg Destee: How can we expect them to appreciate our unique-ness, if we don't?

    Auset: Appreciate. A cousin to want. Grateful has more Power than appreciate.

    How can we expect them to be GRATEFUL for our unique-ness, if we don't?

    QG Destee: How can they know how to want us, if we don't want ourselves?

    Auset: How can they know how to NEED us, if we don't NEED ourselves?

    We as Black females should always be teaching our black males how to get along with us, but if we do not know this, we can not teach them.

    We as females must (action) word return back to our once Divine goddesses minds, because we are forever teachers/teaching.

    When we the Black female return back to our Natural selves, the goddesses we once were, and need to be, then our Black males will, those who are not permanently damaged will return back to us, for their redemption lies in the Black goddesses.

    Let build our vocabulary with Divine words, that encourages, motivates, and equip ourselves for it will inspire others as well. Words are Divine Black Pyramid

    Let the way we dress, walk and talk command respect.

    We must learn the Power in the Word DIVINE, and become that Power.

    Thank you for sharing and caring, and allowing me to care and share.

    Together we can Work All things out that is wrong in our lives.

    I WANT to stay on this computer right now, but I NEED to get off, because if I allow my WANTS to override my NEEDS, I will open myself to any and everything.

    HILY/A
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Right Sister Goddess Auset ... it is not the only thing that drives them, but i believe it can be considered major ... since all one has to do is look across the landscape of this country, and most Black Women have straight hair (straightened first by their Mother, or with her blessing). They were not born that way, but so many have it, it almost looks like they were born with it! It's as though we've effectively fooled everyone, including ourselves!

    Every where you look, you find Black Women that have chemically changed their very being, the way God made them, to be like ... what could be argued ... white women. It's all in the commercials, television, everywhere. They don't even have "natural black hair commercials" on television, as there is obviously no market for that.

    We then in turn, do this to our daughters, chemically alter their hair. This has to speak volumes to a young and impressionable mind. Effectively instilling in her, that she is not beautiful the way that she is. Actually, because this comes from the parent, it is trusted and believed immediately, to be right and correct (by the child). So when someone approaches that adult child now, challenging what they do to their hair, they can expect a fight. How can someone challenge what my Mother taught me how to do?!

    While (unknowingly) undermining our daughter's self-esteem, we simultaneously teach our Sons what is pretty and attractive.

    We do this as a result of generations of racism put upon us. Our Ancestors, Our Mothers, Our Fathers did what they had to do, taught us how to get a job, and straight hair was the easiest route for us, to that. Actually, at one point in history, we could not get a job, unless we'd done something to our hair ... and ironically ... even still, they have rules against our natural hair on their jobs.

    Unlike our Ancestors, we can see different things, living in a different time, and we must challenge ourselves to undo whatever part of this conditioning we can, and let it live not one more generation in our families!

    No, it's not the only factor, but it is a factor that is totally within our control, preventable, and perpetuated on us, by us.

    Black Women complain about Black Men w/white women, but what message do we give our Sons regarding what is beautiful?

    Do we perm our hair, so it can be like white women's, then expect our Sons not to want a white woman?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. OmowaleX

    OmowaleX Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Peace Sister Destee!

    Please excuse me but....

    Yesterday I was watching part of the Tyra Banks Show and there was a discussion on Race and stereotypes....all races of women.

    The most contradictory aspect of the show was one of the panelists. A dark-skinned sister, who had "permed" hair and was talking about "keeping it real". She got on Black women who dye their hair a ligher shade-to-blonde (shoulda seen Tyra whose hair is naturally a lighter shade, but not blonde), and this sista especially got on an asian woman who was dyed blonde.

    But I could not take much what she said seriously. "Keeping it real" and her hair was straighter than the white girls...!!:eek:hmy:

    My daughter has worn her hair "natural" most of her life (her mom is "dreaded") but she recently got a "weave" for her college graduation, and because she has had problems finding employment with her "naptural" look (twisted and/or kinky fro). The good thing is the church she attends has a very "African-conscious" congregation (PAN-african orthodox)...

    Thank GOD for sisters who are "Happily Naptural"!
    (and brothers 2)

    :peace:
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Brother O ... thanks for sharing, and yes, you're right ... we say we real, want real men ... but then be all fake.

    Especially this hair thing. Oh my gosh. If i had never given up my perm, i would never know! But now that i do, whew, i'm gonna talk about it! I can't hardly help it! It's like the veil / evil has been lifted from my eyes, and now i can see.

    I know i messed up my children, gave them something else to have to get over. It's just good that i saw it before i died, and could begin to undo what i've done. I got my daughter her first perm. I gave my son to know, by my actions, what is pretty. My daughter still wears her perm, of course i love her and she's beautiful, but i have already heard her say ... that my grandchildren (yet to come) will not be permed, that they will make the decision for themselves, when they are adults. I'm so proud of her! :D My son and i still fuss about the grandchildren he has yet to give me, but he loves my afro now, and hated it in the beginning ... so i count that as progress too!

    Sisters, you all must admit, we can't possibly make such a big fuss, spend so much money, on making our hair straight every 4-8 weeks, without it having an impact on our children. We can't do anything that often, without it affecting our children.

    Sisters ... do you think this could play even a small part in why our Sons want white women?

    It's said, that imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

    If we, Sisters, can only be an imitation of white women, doesn't it make sense for our Sons to want the real thing?

    Do we lift white women up, and diminish Black women, in the eyes of our children, unconsciously?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Honestly, Destee, I'm convinced that even if ALL Black women wore their hair nappy 24-7-365, many Black men would still want white women. I'm convinced that no matter what Black women do, Black men of this type will still desire white women. IMO, this is not about Black women at all. This desire is nothing more than a desire by many Black men to BE just like the white men they supposedly hate. Black men of this type want to have what the white man wants. They want to have the power and status of white men, so this is why they also desire the same type of woman. The type of woman that a man has is a testament to the type of man he is because men believe that a woman adds to their status, prestige, and identity. Therefore, if a Black man has a white woman, he must therefore be a white man.

    If you listen to Black men talk about their white mate or their preference for white women, you can quickly tell that these men definitely believe they have moved "up" in the world.

    I realize that Black men continiue to try to pin the blame on Black women for their preference for white flesh, but if we look at places in the world where Black women do wear their natural hair in their traditional hair styles, Black men still gravitate to white and mixed women AS SOON AS THEYGET THE OPPORTUNITY.

    I mix with Black women from other parts of the world on a regular basis, and one of the things that most Black women (African, South American, Central America, Canada) have in common is that their Black men have a love for white and other women who are not Black. African women talk about how this started happening as soon as the first African men started coming to the USA and the UK to study in various colleges and universities back in the 50s. Those African men started dating and marrying white women then and African women were not perming their hair. For ex. Barack Obama is the offspring of such a relationship.

    Many of the African leaders were mixed up with or married to white women, but most who went back to Africa were pressured to drop those women. Even during the "Black is Beautiful" period in this country, many of the Black men who were yelling that the loudest were "sleeping white" and this was at a time when all the Black women around them wore afros.

    Considering the exodus of Black men to white women in every place where Black men have access to white women and other lighter women, there is something much deeper going on here than the straightness or nappiness of Black women's hair. Doesn't Kola Boof talk about the mission that Black men are on to breed their blackness out due to their feelings of utter humiliation for being defeated by white men? I don't know whether Kola is right, but I do know that it's a lot more than about hair texture.
     
  7. Goddess Auset333

    Goddess Auset333 Banned MEMBER

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    Beloved Raida: writesConsidering the exodus of Black men to white women in every place where Black men have access to white women and other lighter women, there is something much deeper going on here than the straightness or nappiness of Black women's hair. Doesn't Kola Boof talk about the mission that Black men are on to breed their blackness out due to their feelings of utter humiliation for being defeated by white men? I don't know whether Kola is right, but I do know that it's a lot more than about hair texture.

    -----------------------------
    Truth is in her statement.

    True Divine Loving has absolutely nothing to do with their WANT for white females. That is a Mania, Ludus and Pragma love that belongs to this world. Those black males who do turn to white females, do not know what they NEED. Turning away from the Black female is turning away from Beloved Afrika, and living in lies, deception..and the like of...SELF HATE.. These males would not know Truth if Truth came notarized.

    It is like a drug addict going from one high to another. Some black males after being with a white female can not or do not desire to turn back. Some recovering drug addicts confess that they wish they never used drugs. Some recovering white female lovers (black males) have made that same confession and have returned back to the Black female.

    So what they did is chose Rhinestonse (whites)oppressors daughter over the Diamond (True black females).

    I am telling us, that that artificiality will fool only another fool, but those wise among sees them both.

    When we do not know our roots and stay conncected to our roots, this is a form of mental illness.

    HILy/A
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hey Sister Riada ... :wave: ... good to be reading and responding to you !!! :wave:

    Sister ... i'm not trying to lay blame at the feet of Black Women. I guess it kinda sounds like that, but that's not what i'm doing. I'm a Black Woman too. I am sick of hearing anyone talk about ... something else is the Black Woman's fault! There is only so much of this burden we can bear. I'm with you Sister, i'm not trying to do that.

    Nor am i suggesting that our permed hair is THE reason for Black Men getting with white women.

    All i'm suggesting is ... could it play a part in what we're seeing today?

    And if so, as Black Women ... we might be able to make it better for future generations of our daughters, if we can undo this thing that has been done to us. This perming of our hair, chemically (and historically) altering ourselves, to be pretty and/or accepted. That's what it is rooted in. It can't be a good thing. It must have some negative impact to all of the generations its been imposed upon. I'm saying, can we look at this one tiny piece, that we have the ability within our control to change (if change might bring about a positive end) ... and begin talking about it.

    Yes, there are probably a lot of reasons why Brothers get with white chicks, and no matter what we do collectively, some will still go there. But what of those young Brothers on the borderline, that we might be able to sway in our direction ... of loving his own in her fullness ... because we love ourselves in our fullness. What of that?

    At this point in the game, we have to strive for every little victory we can. No, it might not solve the whole entire problem, but it can't help but aid us in our collective goal. What would become of the self-esteem of young Black women and girls, if they knew they'd be received JUST AS THEY ARE ... from cradle to grave! We as Mothers can do this for our babies. We can be the generation that says enough already! I can't imagine that this one change would not have an impact on the number of Brothers that went to white women. Their Mommas and Sisters loving themselves?! Please. So what if it takes a minute to manifest itself. So what if it doesn't move every Brother. The good far outweighs the bad, if we'd go this way.

    Let me impress upon you Sister, the last thing i want is more blame put on us. It's hard to admit that we've done wrong (unintentionally), and the wrong was taught to us by our Mothers, and taught to them by their Mothers. That's deep. I can't imagine that anyone loves their Mother, more than i love mine, and i aint trying to blame her for nuth'n. The Mothers before us, and even Sisters today, do this because we didn't really know any better. I'm one of those Mothers! I believe our people, in large part, don't know any better, the long term, deep rooted, anesthetizing impact this has on us collectively. In addition, in days gone by, our hair literally could make or break us. You didn't get a job, if you hadn't put a piece of hot iron against your scalp. Mothers have done what they needed to do, and what was taught to them, to do. This is not about blame, this is about change.

    I am just suggesting that maybe we should be teaching / showing our babies something different now.

    Even if it doesn't keep every Brother out of the arms of white women, the benefits would be immeasurable.

    Do you know, that's something most Black children in America have never seen?

    Black Women with their natural hair, and their babies having their own natural hair ... in any kind of collective manner.

    While white, latino, oriental, arab ... everyone else, for always ... looks like themselves ... their hair ... but not us.

    Who are we fooling by not being ourselves?

    This has to count ... some kinda way ... big.

    Dontcha think?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  9. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Yes Beloved ... this is my point exactly ... Sisters must stop running from their roots ... no pun intended.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  10. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Destee, I definitely think that it's always better to accept anyone as they are naturally--not try to change them, and if they can't be accepted as they are, just leave them alone if they not hurting anyone. So, I'm certainly with you there about it just being wonderful to be embraced just as we are and just as we were made. Of course, it would do lots of good.

    My point is that I wouldn't want to set Black women up for disappointment. I'll bet you that some Black women have actually gone natural just based on the number of Black men who say here on your forum that they want a natural-haired Black woman. Why do I say disappointment? There are many Black women these days who would do just about anything to get a Black man to love them, be with them, and nobody else but them. There are Black women out there right now having sex with Black men who refuse to wear condoms, but in each case, she's thinking that maybe, just maybe he'll be "her man" after he's finished. So going natural would be an easy decision for them to do if there's a reasonable chance that their expectation will be met to get a man of their own. That's why I answered the way I did.

    In general, what you've said would be wonderful. Just look at all the money, time, and energy alone that would be saved. I agree that there is too much emotional energy invested in hair and other surface things by Black men and Black women. Too much emphasis is put on the "outside" of themselves versus the "inside."

    We are losing at this because we don't have a culture that functions to meet our needs, so we're just using band-aids to make us feel better from moment to moment and day to day. Until we actually build a culture to meet our various needs, it'll just be more of the same.
     
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