Black Relationships : Taking People For Granted Part I

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by legit-writer, Aug 12, 2009.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I've realized that some of us take people who are good for granted. We misuse our good people and treat the "bad" people with the utmost respect. I have thought about how some of us say we want someone good, but when we get that, we don't know how to treat them, and we want to fall back onto people who are no good for us. It's just not fair to the ones who mean well. We always seem to be the ones who get left for those who are lesser than us. And then those very same people are the ones who will be miserable for the rest of their days. A friend of mine was talking the other day and he told me that he is dating a girl who is very nice to him and appears to be most of what he looks for in a woman, yet still he has feelings for his ex girlfriend. He asked me what I thought of it. I told him that maybe he should think about what's good for him and what isn't to save him some misery in his life. He didn't seem happy with what I was telling him and that he feels that I am looking at him as the bad guy, when I wasn't. I was trying to tell him what I thought like he asked, and all I wanted him to do was listen just like I was willing to do with him. He tells me he likes a woman who is honest, knows what she wants in her life, yet it seems that he has feelings for someone who based on what he said to me about her, plays games. That's why he really needs to take a look and see if that is what he really wants. And if he doesn't want that, then what is he going to do about it. He wanted to go to bed, and he seemed upset at me, but he said he was upset at himself. I just hope this doesn't mean he's not going to stop talking to me because I was keeping it real with him. Other than that, we need to stop taking our good folks for granted. That's all I have to say for now. I will have part II ready when I am no longer sleepy.

    Until Next Time
     
  2. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Interesting topic legit-writer

    This is a true observation in many respects.
    Being taken for granted has something to do with comfort / familarity.

    Treating someone who takes you for granted with more attention or respect than they deserve is part of human nature. We have a need to complete things. Rarely does this happen. There are interruptions, misunderstandings and distractions. If you start something a project or relationship, it should be completed or ended properly in order to move on successfully.

    If you are engaged in a relationship. Each one should be taken seriously, and worked to conclusion. Having more than one person to focus on is wrong and impossible to focus on and be filled with any satisfaction. You don’t get to know them. You have bits of information about them you form that never gets processed, understood or clarified. So it leaves a bitter break and feeling of incompleteness when the relationship ends.

    To take someone good for granted is familiar because you understand what is good. Understanding degrees of bad has infinite levels. Is exciting, and is seen as something to be challenged and completed. Messed up thinking yea…actions that are unfruitful.. yea… but in many respects can’t be helped.

    If a child is engaged in something, a game or project. If they are interrupted and not allowed to complete the project. It starts them on these fragmented human nature breaks.

    If you have to interrupt someone or a child.
    Ask is this a good time to interrupt.
    Schedule time.

    When a man walks in the door don't jump on him with the problems and calls of the day.
    Schedule and let a person know so they can frame and be ready.
    Set a time aside. Plan a time that is good and not disruptive.

    Be patient... kind.. considerate always respectful that you helped someone stay focused or helped them complete something.

    Dreams, projects, hopes and desires unfulfilled will haunt you forever and make you regret.
    Eventually it will make one turn on another and blame them.

    It is both their fault and your own. Because no one understood the consideration of time and completing what ever you start.

    Get them back to where they left off, or schedule a break especially for a child and tell them
    that they can pick up and complete where they left off later.

    Some people understand they need to close doors to gain uninterrupted time.
    Call it meditation time, time alone, or time to focus.
    Just take some time to complete things.

    Teach ( children ) them to complete things. Relationships follow the same suit.
    Happier days will be achieved and better relationships will too.

    So as children we learn to take ( things for granted, because we were taken for granted and our time is interrupted and things left uncompleted ) short interest in completing things.

    Your friend’s confusion is his familiarity and the uncertainty of the new relationship.

    There is a fear ( fear it is real and strong ) because there is no disruption or tension built up yet in the new relationship.

    In his other relationship. He knows the arguments.
    Roles are well defined and familiar.
    He knows when she say this.. He will say that.
    He will leave the room.. call her crazy and feel some form of victory or completeness. In reality things were left incomplete.

    Relationships... and <<< SHIPS >>> SINK.
    They fail when there are holes in the ship.
    When holes, or incomplete conversations, unresolved issues and concerns are allowed to be punched into the vessel.
    When the game is played and dating more than one person is practiced.
    There is no understanding of that person.

    One can never get to really know the beauty of ( someones ) character and find
    the things that attracted them about another in the first place.

    No long term relationship is built on ship jumping.

    It’s a situation that can be solved. First by staying focused.
    Processing what are new feelings of being treated with consideration.

    When someone is good to you. They take the time to be concerned for you. Looking out so to speak, having you in mind.

    I have ( and have had ) my share of being taken for granted. More than my share. It is seen as a weakness. To be nice and considerate. It’s like being a chair in a room.

    The one taking you for granted thinks when they need that chair. It should be where they left it. They complain if you arent there for them shove around the room. They complain if your no longer a rug for them to wipe their feet on.

    Not ending a relationship before starting another. Have no positive attributes to relationship building.
    Oh.. you can complain and that is when you are termed as.
    A complainer and a whiner.

    Then you are dumped liked you are insecure or too much trouble to many ( games ) .
    Misery does follow the incomplete.

    Those who are unhappy today are incomplete because they misunderstand
    that to take someone for granted is doing exactly as learned.

    They were taken for granted and have no skill in staying the course.
    Completing things, finishing, or ending a relationship before starting another.
     
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