Black Men : Taking a Brother's Manhood From Him - Why do we do this?

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by Destee, May 28, 2013.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,782
    Likes Received:
    8,982
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,680
    Peace and Blessings Family,

    Why do we attempt to take a Brother's Manhood away from him?

    If he doesn't do the "right thing" according to some, he aint even a man no more.

    How can this be? Isn't he a man, no matter what? Just one that chooses differently?!

    As a woman, i can't think of anything that can take my "womanhood" away from me.

    No errors i make, no poor decisions, nothing separates me from being a woman.

    Maybe yall can tell me some things that might, helping me to understand this better.

    Why are we so quick to take what is innately his, from him?

    Is this left-over from slavery ... cues from the slave master ... making men not men?

    Looking forward to the discussion, and thanks in advance.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee

    ::
    ::

    ps ... for the sake of discussion ... i'm thinking of things like ...

    1. If he doesn't take care of his children, he's not a man.

    2. If he hits a woman, he's not a man.

    3. If he (fill in the blank), he's not a man.

    ::
    ::
     
  2. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2013
    Messages:
    6,583
    Likes Received:
    2,894
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +3,317
    Hmm, I believe when others do this, they know for truth they can't take away a man's physical manhood; that's just a given, but it would seem "manhood" is viewed in a much deeper respect than just being a grown male. That's to say, "You ain't no real man!!" is stated to imply "though you walk in a man's body, within you're merely a [insert whatever here, that isn't man]."

    But then again, that's just how I've seen it. I'm a grown woman, but know a few who don't view me like that nor call me that, because they believe I've not reached true "womanhood" yet. Whatever that may be. :D
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,782
    Likes Received:
    8,982
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,680

    I think folk just say things, without considering the depth of their words, or the behaviors being exhibited.

    It seems that it's primarily done to men, as i've not seen "womanhood" challenged so blatantly.

    Perhaps if we think about what we're saying and doing, before we say and do it, we might not.

    Given that Brothers have so many things already challenging their manhood, we'd not add to that.

    Especially considering, we didn't give their manhood to them, and have no real ability to take it.

    iono ... just weird to me and my mind ... :look:

    Thanks for chiming in ... :)

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2013
    Messages:
    6,583
    Likes Received:
    2,894
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +3,317

    Yeah, I do believe it's more so done to men, and also believe people don't give that much thought to their words before stated.

    And that's a great point; we didn't give their manhood, so we definitely can't take it away with mere words. A man's going to be a man, regardless. A foolish man, a childish man, a loving man, a kind man, but nevertheless, a man. Gives me sunthin to think about. Thanks!:)
     
  5. Gorilla

    Gorilla Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2009
    Messages:
    2,479
    Likes Received:
    1,382
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +1,399
    That's how people are taught to treat men.

    A lot of a man's identity in our society comes from his job, what he has, and what he can provide.

    It rarely includes who he actually is. That's why most homeless are men. When a society buys into the idea that a man needs hard work and merit alone to achieve anything, they believe those that fall on hardship and to the bottom or near bottom belong there.

    Failing any of the above and more gets your man-card revoked. I would definitely advise against showing any emotion even when appropriate, being injured, sick, or disabled, or having any mental health issues.

    The only thing some people will prescribe for any of the above is: "man up".

    I'll probably be asked to turn in my card after this short rant on my way to work too.
     
  6. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,375
    Likes Received:
    1,430
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,862
    In my opinion, wo/manhood, femininity and masculinity are socially (culturally) constructed. A male defines him because he has a penis and testicles; a man defines him because of how he acts as determined by cultural beliefs.

    Notions of manhood and gender hierarchies are set by the culture in which people live.

    When men (and women) don't exhibit what's considered socially acceptable behaviors then (some) people assume it's their right to strip them of titles given to men and women and assign them less favorable (or insulting) ones.

    The media, film industry, talk shows and reality shows perpetuate negative thinking about people. With so many images pumped into our brains on a daily basis, forming how we think, including the religions we choose to follow, it's, sometimes, difficult NOT to be judgmental of others. Black men don't get any free passes in the media. As entertainers, sports figures, in films, etc. People judge them by what they see and hear about them. White supremacy has deep roots and broad branches. Heck, Black men to a large degree, are assumed 'guilty' of crimes they never committed simply by being Black. Somebody ought to write a book, "Ain't I A Man?"

    Actually, I see Black womanhood challenged quite a bit, including here. Black women are judged, berated, and stripped of their womanhood if we don't exhibit certain behaviors according some people's cultural beliefs and that includes religious beliefs.

    It's a good thing when some of us are conscious of how our words can do more harm than good when we talk negatively about each other and make a concerted effort to be less judgmental or destructive and more understanding and constructive.

    Peace :heart:
     
  7. Perfection

    Perfection Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2012
    Messages:
    1,464
    Likes Received:
    495
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +1,015
    Great question Queen Destee. Perhaps I could offer an even more detailed response if I knew how you were defining "manhood." But in the meantime let me offer a few notes.

    One of the many areas that many of us probably need to focus more on is the actuality that our collective narratives didn't begin during the 16th and 15th centuries. That is to say, American slavery, albeit very tragic, was but one micro chapter in our lives that happened fairly recent. And the more interesting thing about it is that the enslavement of our folk should be better characterized as symptomatic rather than causative. Understanding the distinction is key as one attempts to formulate the deeper nuances of this great question you lay before the people.
     
  8. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

    Country:
    Japan
    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2009
    Messages:
    8,757
    Likes Received:
    5,870
    Occupation:
    independent thoughtist thinker, context linker
    Location:
    theory to application to discussion to percussion
    Ratings:
    +6,043
    I don't get how an outside opinion takes anything away from anyody. You are who and what you are.. period. The things going on in the minds of others have nothing to do with who/what you are.

    That said..

    I think the "He's not a man" phrase just means "I don't respect what he did/is doing".
     
  9. Alarm Clock

    Alarm Clock Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 6, 2013
    Messages:
    1,932
    Likes Received:
    1,030
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +1,030
    Rape occurs in all prisons, and is a result of internalized and surpressed homosexual instincts in the attacker. This occurs in men and womens facilities.
     
  10. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    Messages:
    31,995
    Likes Received:
    11,478
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    retired computer geek
    Location:
    north philly ghetto
    Ratings:
    +13,732
    one may be born as a male. man hood is something that is earned.
     
Loading...