Black Relationships : Strong women vs. men

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by islander, Sep 24, 2004.

  1. islander

    islander Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is something I've been trying to figure out for a while, but I would love to hear from some brothers on this:

    Why is it that some men are threatened by strong black women?

    I'm asking because I'm 24, have a good job, own my home, own my vehicle, and I'm always striving for something better...yet, I continue to run into men that are threatened by things I accomplish. I'm not saying this to brag on what I have or what I've done. But my experience with dating has been that a lot of men will run from me if they find out that I can basically stand on my own. I have to admit that when I go on a date with someone and we start talking about what we do, what we've done, or what we're trying to do, I tend to hold back information because I don't know how they're going to react. After a while I realized that if a man is threatened by things that I've been able to do in life, then he isn't for me. But I'm still curious about that mindset with some brothas. Brothers...and sisters...please tell me something...
     
  2. Solo

    Solo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I can't really relate because I've never been out with a woman who had it going on more than I did. They never give me the time of day so I never get to that point. Anyway, I can't speak for every man but I personally don't care where a woman works, what she has or where she went to school. I'm not impressed with that sort of thing to be honest with you. When it comes to women I'm only interested in a few key points: Do we have anything in common (usually no)? Is she intelligent and well spoken? Can we have a good conversation? Am I attracted to her? How does she respond to me as a man?

    Things like that.

    Anyway, I don't think the majority of men are "threatened" by a woman's success, but when you think about it there are too many women out here who judge men by that same token and we know this. So I can imagine that a guy with this on his mind might back off when a woman starts taking off her accolades and her accomplishments. Men don't usually care as much about a woman's status so much as she cares about his, so knowing that men often are pretty cautious about that sort of thing. That's just my take on it.
     
  3. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I would hope that I would hold it down in that situation and allow the woman to be with me....I think I could do it but certain negative thoughts would be in the back of my head.

    There are women out there that dont nearly have what you have that look down on a man who has not tottaly made it yet. They dont take him serious, so a man comming across someone like you might automatically think you feel he is wasting your time. I am who lives with a woman making more, with more education etc gets called a leach, a loser, someone who is "dragging her down". The opposite is not true. Some of those men are jelous of you, others dont want to start what they think will end badly due to any friends or family you may have that will advise you to get "a more accomplished man".

    It could also be a vibe you give off of being that "independent" woman. There are many who talk about "I dont need no man" and only give up that attitude when they find a man way more accomplished than them. For that reason, some brothas are gonna see dating you as a failure waiting to happen if they have not done what you have in life yet.

    Women do take into account what friends, family and society think so maybe subconsciously you are sending the message that these guys aint up to par. It could be bad luck though if they know from experience that even when a woman likes things about them, the woman would rather wait till they make it to get serious. Ask any brotha who has mentioned where he is going in life in the presence of a black woman and got laughed at or the eye roll......they will tell you that to avoid embaressment, they want to have achieved something before stepping to a woman that has gone far already.

    We all know men assume all the risk in starting a relationship and women choose to accept or reject so these things I point out mean more to us.

    Good luck finding one that either sees you aint looking down on him, or one that is accomplished enough to not feel like you will reject him later.
    :spinn:
     
  4. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I prefer Strong Women they are Goddesses.
     
  5. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I too own my house, own my jeep, and make a nice living for myself. Most men I've dated don't know these facts unless I point them out. When I'm asked what I do for a living, I simply state the job I do...which is nothing glamorous...and gives no indication to what type of income I have. I never bring men to my house so unless things get serious, he'd never know I own property.

    I do agree some are put off a little when they realize you're not needy and struggling...which baffles me, it would seem as if this would put them at ease. It would seems as if the two of us could concentrate on us.

    I do make it a point to let them know that I don't care about the things that surround us...material things, I want to be blown away by his mind. I let him know that what I do NEED from him has everything to do with things money CAN'T buy. Needless to say, they do not run away.
     
  6. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Carrie...you have a Jeep too. :luvu:

    Anyways, I know that some men are threatened by a woman that makes a living for herself. I don't know why but they are. Maybe they are threatened because supposedly you're not a man unless you take care of your woman.

    On the other hand, I have also came across women that are doing good that stroke themselves during a conversation. So maybe it's not the men's insecurity sometimes......it's your attitude regarding yourself. I have been around "independant women" that love blowing their own horn. NO MAN wants to hear that. That's great if you're doing well for yourself....we all applaud you for that. Why do you have to applaud yourself constantly also? It's like when women complain that they are soooo beautiful that they can't get a date. :lol: It's not always necessary to beat it into a man's head that you don't need him.
     
  7. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Your whole post was good.

    About this statement. I thought about it myself. I like a woman who can do for self....my only thing is I like the idea of being at the same stage of life. I would rather build a life with a woman, than her being all set up and I am lagging behind. I have enough trouble getting a relationship to happen for me without different stages of life screwing it up more. It aint a turn off to me.....but I would monitor her to see how she reacts to what ever state my life is in at the moment.

    Blak
     
  8. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I've never been threatened by a strong woman, although I've sometimes been bored by a self absorbed woman.
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    most men not afraid to mix it up but the few who are is because
    they always get kicked down , pushed out because they feel less
    and most feel they are the bread winner , to me that's not a major
    issue i look deeper then the pocket of a female not about what she have
    or hold but what she have in her head and heart can she understand with
    open mind her personality and other things i never fear a woman or her
    wealth.
     
  10. KWABENA

    KWABENA STAFF STAFF

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    And yes they are. My preference also.


    My Ex is a strong woman on her way to owning her own property. When guys try messing with her, she tends to :playball:, regardless of if I was there or not. The only reason why we are not together now is because now I live in a different state and part of the country. But someday you could possibly meet your match. Don't worry about the others.

    Cedric Denson
     
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