Black Short Stories : Straight Snapped (Chapter 1)

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by Ladie Tiger, Nov 7, 2009.

  1. Ladie Tiger

    Ladie Tiger Member MEMBER

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    Hi. I'm new to this site && this is also my first short story so if you could please read and let me know what you think then that would be awesome...:)

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    Zoña James is a very beautiful, intelligent young lady who suffers mental, physical, and verbal abuse at the hands of her boyfriend, Tyrone "Ty" Anthony. Fed up with his constant mistreatment, she becomes determined to put an end to her suffering at all costs.
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    "Please don't let him kill me Lord." Zoña's heart was pounding harder than the bass in an old school Chevy Cutlass. She felt as helpless as a newborn baby. The only thing she could do was pray and ask God to protect her from this crazed madman.

    "Bring ya *** back out here Zoña," Ty demanded. He twisted the knob, but, much to his dismay, the door was locked. "Come on, Zoña. I-I just wanna talk to you. Dat's all i wanna do, baby. Can you open the door for me, please?"

    Zoña shook her head in disbelief. It was a trick. She knew there would be an endless fight for her life if she opened that door. Although she was terrified, she stood her ground.

    "You never wanna jus talk, Ty. All you ever wanna do is fight." Her lips quivered and her voice was barely louder than a whisper.

    Feeling as though he was being outsmarted, Ty became even more enraged. He began banging and pushing on the door trying to scare Zoña into unlocking it. He refused to be made a fool of. He was determined to get through the door even if he had to tear it off its hinges.

    Frightened, Zoña sat in the far corner of the bedroom holding her head in her hands. She tried her best to calm herself, but her efforts were in vain. She leaned back and rested her head against the wall. Tears fell from her hazel eyes and rolled down her cheeks. "Please, you gotta help me, God. Please, I'm beggin you," she wepted. Unfortunately, her prayers went unanswered as Ty proceeded to kick in the bedroom door.

    After what felt like 1,000 attempts, Ty's efforts finally paid off. The lock gave way, the door swung open, and that's when the **** hit the fan. When Ty made eye contact with Zoña, it was as if something clicked and he couldn't control himself. He didn't try to keep his cool, he didn't fight it. He balled both fists and charged towards Zoña like a cheetah going after its prey.

    Zoña could see the rage in his eyes. She began to wail uncontrollably, "Please, Ty. You said you wouldn't never hit me again, please. Whatever I did, I apologize for it. Jus don't hurt me!"

    But Ty ignored her pleas. He picked her up by her neck, pushed her against the wall, and began to choke her. He squeezed her neck tighter and tighter until her face turned red and she began gasping for air. In an attempt to free herself from his grasp, Zoña raised her right hand and scratched Ty's face, leaving a deep wound that stetched from his right ear to the corner of his mouth.

    This only pissed him off even further. Taking his left hand, Ty grabbed Zoña by her shirt collar and pinned her firmly against the wall. He raised his right hand and struck her face so hard that he broke her glasses. Her knees buckled and she fell to the floor.

    Like a well pouring water, blood began to run from her nose and mouth. Zoña released a spine-tingling scream that was so loud people in Africa could have heard it. She began to bawl like a little child as Ty stood over her. He seemed to be somewhat proud of himself for what he had just done to this poor, defenseless soul.

    To be continued...
     
  2. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    you've painted a horrifying picture...

    one that too many women have to deal with on a daily basis. with this being your first short story, you hit all the necessary points. the story line is obvious. the drama builds. the conflict is all too real. you've done an excellent job. THANK YOU.

    and WELCOME.
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome to destee.com short stories this was a very well thoughtout tale spin
    happy to read you and look to read the next part, will there be a pt. 2 ???

    your spin tells the tale of many women who has to face such on a daily base
    and how they deal with the horror and handz of a man .....wow

    Again welcome Ladie Tiger.
     
  4. Ladie Tiger

    Ladie Tiger Member MEMBER

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    Thank you and Thanks for reading:) && yes there will be a part 2. i'm working on it right now
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    great can't wait til the next pt. hit...
     
  6. lydia7277

    lydia7277 Member MEMBER

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    very very good work.
     
  7. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    that was intense.. you did a great job of maintaining the tension.. not letting any of it slip out..
    there wasn't a single opportunity for the reader to wander off.. you have our full stressed-out attention..
    now release us.. me.. please.. part 2

    :)
     
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