Black People : Stolen Dreams!

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Poetic Justice, Jan 17, 2005.

  1. Poetic Justice

    Poetic Justice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As my life began there was always a touch.
    As i entered into the world through the pain of someone special, i recieved a kiss and a glorious hug.
    I was taken into the life and cherished ever so deeply, taught ever so firmly and was talked to about love and dreams and imagination.
    I was taught about loving god and loving yourself and laughing and touching and loving all people that god had created.
    I knew i was inlove with the special angel that god had created and had blessed me with being its child, what i didnt know is that one day he would show his love and take this wonderful creation into its fold and leave me shedding and paining in unbearable pain that has left me with no light at the end of the tunnel.
    As the days are passing by i can feel the loss so devastingly, it must be my time to go, no one can feel this gone inside and continue to breathe, now my task will be truly hard, for i must breathe for my family and i must breathe for my downhearted father who has already lost the use of his body, and now has lost the partner he has had to depend on for 56 of these years.
    My tears have tears, i am so hurt i can barely stand.
    She meant so much to so many people.
    I keep asking myself when we were laughing on monday, was that what stressed out her beautiful heart, or was that she was just tired of all the strength it took to be somebody to everybody that god said no i wont step in this time let her sleep.
    Did he choose me to hold her hand and watch her die, because he knew how close we were and that i would need to be with her, how do i leave that memory behind or do i hold on to it, do i cherish it or am i going to let it take me with her.
    I keep talking to god as i sit as i lay down and i still plead, it feels like she was stolen from us, please bring her back.
    How can i live in a world she brought me in without her, when i became she was here, how do i look across the world and know she is not no where to be found, no one knows the desolation i feel.
    My Mother was so special as all children feels there mothers are, but she always made me feel so very loved, she was the matriach of us 7 girls and she still held up her godly views to raise her only son.
    She never raised her voice and she still could be firm in her convictions to teach us how god wanted children raised and eventho we never lived up to her image she never made us feel unworthy.
    I am so desperatly broken, how in the world do you laugh with your mother on monday and hold her hand while she dies on tuesday and survive.
    January 11, is to a week tommorow, last week we were talking and laughing and now this week i am curled up in knots inside and all i need is my mother and she cant come can she, why she wasnt even sick, what happened, no answers will ever befall me, i will just have to know that as i was always inlove from the beginning of my life i will desperatly and foreverly beinlove with my mother, i will never live my life as i did before i will live it with the promise of oneday god will see fit to reunite us once again when my time comes and because of that i am no longer afraid to die, i will make my life a godly one and plead that i can leave a deposit with god to remember me when the time arrives.
    Hold your mother and make a mends if there is problems trust me, like the bible says like a theif in the night jesus will come, so will unforseen occurences, and tragedies.
    Please i beg all of you , love is the most devastinging when it is taken from you.
     
  2. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm sorry for your loss sister!
     
  3. Intrepid

    Intrepid Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am sorry for your lost
    Stay strong and commited to Christ he will be the source of your strength
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    wow!!!
    deeply sorry for your pain & lost
    u in my prayers to heal
     
  5. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    ShawnsWife...it's so good to see you again but very sad under these circumstances. I'm so sorry for your sense of loss but I'm a firm believer that those we love are never lost to us. They live with us forever and some continue to guard over us in this life. I hope in time your tears of sadness will lessen as your heart learns how to rejoice in the beautiful memories.

    Take care,
    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  6. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i believe they live on within us.
    she is still within you.
    God bless. :grouphug:
     
  7. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am so sorry for your loss. I don't claim to know exactly how you feel, but I can definitely relate to your words. My own mother passed many years ago. The body and mind go through so many stages of grieving associated with this. The disbelief, the numbness, the despair. You will get beyond this, but it will take time. In my own case, for a time I did not want to live without my mother, and did things to my own detriment because of it. I came to realize that my own mother did not want that for my life, as your own mother would not want that for you. Be kind to yourself, hold close to your family and friends, prayer does help. When times come when you don't feel you can make it through the day, try to make it through that second, then that minute, that hour...take it step by step, and it will happen, you will make it through. I will be thinking of you. Peace.
     
  8. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Shawnswife,
    Of all the unconditional love that I read in this thread for your Mother...is no less than beautiful, and that's a good thing, because it means that you will forever have/hold something of beauty that no one can take from you. And know that the spirit never, never dies ...she only left the physical, not the mental. Your weakness dampens her spirit and I know you would never have that. Learn to smile again and I know you will feel her smile all around you. Please stay strong.
    We (your cyber family) are always here for you...anytime.
    peace to you ...queentswana
     
  9. Radical Faith

    Radical Faith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You and I are one

    Sister just like you I lost someone I loved dearly. December 17th 2004 I lost my father. I eulogized and memoralized him on December 22nd 2004. Before I knew God I knew my father. My father was a soldier, a black panther, a nuclear weapon specialist and a electronic technician. My father was on the border of Germany and Czechoslovokia in 1968 during the Russian invasion. He was ready to fire a nuclear device if given the order. My father was in Vietnam as well. He was ready to fire a nuclear weapon if commanded. My father was a 3rd degree Blackbelt in Karate. I witnessed my father body slam a man twice his size and shatter natural stones with his bare hands. I loved Muhammed Ali, Walter Payton, Malcom X and Martin Luther King Jr as a child but they couldn't hold a candle to my father in my eyes. Later in life I found out my father helped rob a the bank where he was working. He served no jail time but the mistake weighed heavy on his conscience. He ruined his chances of ever getting another job in electronics so in 1980 he quit working. We lived off my moms paycheck. Times were hard. He begin to drink more. Before I left for the army my father was drinking close to three cases of beer a week. In 1991 I relocated my entire family to North Carolina. My father was drinking three pints of vodka a 6 pack of beer and a bottle of Richard's Wild Irish Rose a day. Eventually him and my mom divorced. He went back to Chicago to live with his sister. Upon the realization that he would never get back with my mom again he sank deeper into alcoholism and drabbled with drugs. My father turned 54 yrs old on November 15th 2004. I wished him a happy birthday, that was the last time I spoke him. Before then I was trying to convince him to come and live with me and my family until he could get a place of his on. That never happened. This past year he was very sad, him and girlfriend broke up and his living conditions worstened. He was in torture. I gave the doctor's permission to take him off of life support. His had a heart attack and was revived but never regained consciencousness. Through it all I never lost love for my father he will always be my Black Superman. Because of him I am who I am today. Because my father was in such great torment unable to overcome substance abuse I don't consider my father gone I consider him free. Free from the torment that plagued his life. The Bible says to be out of the body is to be present with God. I believe my father is with God now. On the Sunday my father had his heart attack he was in the Hospital recovering from a viral infection. That morning in church I prayed for God to give me strength and to help my father. God answered my prayers. God called my father home and gave me the strength to let him go no one else could. I am now the eldest of my families name sake and my son is the last. I have a brother and a sister. Sister I say to you that we all serve a purpose. When that purpose is served God calls us to be with Him. The Bible say we will unite with our love ones in heaven. Before my father died he heard me tell him I loved him. He wepted. He didn't die in the street like a junkie or a bum he died surrounded by people who loved him. What more could you ask for. My heart is with yours sister. I know it hurts but you will see her again one day.

    Peace and Love


    Radical Faith
     
  10. Poetic Justice

    Poetic Justice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank youso much for your kindness and care, i needed it i have been trying to self help my self and i am losing my battle, i will be strong and i plan to scatter seeds everywhere in the spring, we had planned to start a tulip garden and we went shopping and bought tulip bulbs, i am going to create an organza for my mom until i see her again, thank you all.
     
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