As my life began there was always a touch. As i entered into the world through the pain of someone special, i recieved a kiss and a glorious hug. I was taken into the life and cherished ever so deeply, taught ever so firmly and was talked to about love and dreams and imagination. I was taught about loving god and loving yourself and laughing and touching and loving all people that god had created. I knew i was inlove with the special angel that god had created and had blessed me with being its child, what i didnt know is that one day he would show his love and take this wonderful creation into its fold and leave me shedding and paining in unbearable pain that has left me with no light at the end of the tunnel. As the days are passing by i can feel the loss so devastingly, it must be my time to go, no one can feel this gone inside and continue to breathe, now my task will be truly hard, for i must breathe for my family and i must breathe for my downhearted father who has already lost the use of his body, and now has lost the partner he has had to depend on for 56 of these years. My tears have tears, i am so hurt i can barely stand. She meant so much to so many people. I keep asking myself when we were laughing on monday, was that what stressed out her beautiful heart, or was that she was just tired of all the strength it took to be somebody to everybody that god said no i wont step in this time let her sleep. Did he choose me to hold her hand and watch her die, because he knew how close we were and that i would need to be with her, how do i leave that memory behind or do i hold on to it, do i cherish it or am i going to let it take me with her. I keep talking to god as i sit as i lay down and i still plead, it feels like she was stolen from us, please bring her back. How can i live in a world she brought me in without her, when i became she was here, how do i look across the world and know she is not no where to be found, no one knows the desolation i feel. My Mother was so special as all children feels there mothers are, but she always made me feel so very loved, she was the matriach of us 7 girls and she still held up her godly views to raise her only son. She never raised her voice and she still could be firm in her convictions to teach us how god wanted children raised and eventho we never lived up to her image she never made us feel unworthy. I am so desperatly broken, how in the world do you laugh with your mother on monday and hold her hand while she dies on tuesday and survive. January 11, is to a week tommorow, last week we were talking and laughing and now this week i am curled up in knots inside and all i need is my mother and she cant come can she, why she wasnt even sick, what happened, no answers will ever befall me, i will just have to know that as i was always inlove from the beginning of my life i will desperatly and foreverly beinlove with my mother, i will never live my life as i did before i will live it with the promise of oneday god will see fit to reunite us once again when my time comes and because of that i am no longer afraid to die, i will make my life a godly one and plead that i can leave a deposit with god to remember me when the time arrives. Hold your mother and make a mends if there is problems trust me, like the bible says like a theif in the night jesus will come, so will unforseen occurences, and tragedies. Please i beg all of you , love is the most devastinging when it is taken from you.