Poetry Critiques : Still bound

[lexuslady]

my brothas and sistas
the time is near
the time is here
to lend an ear to hear

what i'm sayin,
for back in the day
our people were slain
and we lived as slaves

we wanted to be free
strived for unity
to be all we could be
given the opportunity

look at us now
bringing each other down
keeping ourselves bound
do we dare ask how?

from our hands we kill
from our people we steal
to our children we deal
just to get a meal

this isn't right
seems we gave up the fight
we need to unite
and follow God's light

so.....
my brothas and sistas
the time is near
the time is here
to lend a ear to hear..........

 

[phenomenalwoman]

the time is here
to lend an ear to hear

This two lines for me dont mesh well when I read it. something about the here ear hear. other than that I think this is a solid piece. Good work!

 

[lexuslady]

Thanks........I wrote this peice when I couldn't sleep one night. I guess my mind alot wanders about things like this. I truly wish that we could come together and love one another the way God intended us to.

 

[1poetsought]

Hear, Hear

These words of truth ((ring)) true. The truth is the light. Darknes and light cannot coexist. Don't tamper with the gospel truth Ruth!

 

[Khasm13]

i have to agree with pwoman on her assesment....

the time is here
to lend an ear to hear

ok...the time is here is fine...but the last line would have been fine if you just said...to lend and ear...the to hear part just sounds repeative....

now as to the conclusion...in my eyes, eevery poem sould have a conclusion that prompts the reader the sit and think about the body of work...i have a question concerning your poem...who should we lend a ear to?...is it you or is it someone else...this point does not come thru clear throughout the body of the poem...i think that this is a great piece with potential...you just need to clear up some of the ambiguity that i just mention.....thanks for putting this piece over here poet...

one love
khasm