Black Poetry : sTeAdY FLoWiN....pLease read

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by AfRiCaNrOoTs5o, Jun 14, 2004.

  1. AfRiCaNrOoTs5o

    AfRiCaNrOoTs5o Active Member MEMBER

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    felt like flowin'

    nothing is ever irrelevant, we can be better than using explatives people want peace to increase so we need to help the mexicans(cross borders).
    not say who you better than half of the population of the nation, the young'ns stay gunnin instead of using concentration for education.
    illiteracy is the problem we can solve em by educatin the young, instead of debatin on which man trying to take a stand get hung.
    just a unsung hero, this man here knows things that's wrong you see the events we prolong, to keep peace like minister farrakhan.
    droppin bombs, saddam hid weapons, that isn't what he told politicians, he was hiding a whole but now he was forced to hide in a hole.
    everything happens for reason, like when a kid brings a gun waitin for someone to tease him,now the person starts bleedin for no reason.
    kids ? yea we need em even though i'm just a 13 year old with thoughts that are thoroughly gone through.
    i'll be the one who in the future chooses what we gon' do.
     
  2. Beautiful_by_me

    Beautiful_by_me Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :flamet: Straight to the point....and I likes
     
  3. daroc

    daroc Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yea we need em even though i'm just a 13 year old with thoughts that are thoroughly gone through.
    i'll be the one who in the future chooses what we gon' do.

    so tru..keep em comin
     
  4. MADDRAPPER

    MADDRAPPER Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    you had content and that's about it far as flowing not even absolutely no rhyme scheme at all no wonder you're having trouble understanding mine look this piece right here is no more than effective writing don't belong on poetry board at all
     
  5. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Maybe I mis-read what you said above...here's hoping I did.
     
  6. AfRiCaNrOoTs5o

    AfRiCaNrOoTs5o Active Member MEMBER

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    yo man don't com here with that man....you mad because i didn't like your stuff.....

    if you are so good.....critisize me but help me when you do it.....or don't post....

    yo my bad if i'm being a little mean...but don't tell me not to put it here dog....if you wanna settle this with a real lyrical battle handle it......

    to the rest thanks for the feedback..
     
  7. AfRiCaNrOoTs5o

    AfRiCaNrOoTs5o Active Member MEMBER

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    This is from 'poetic etiquette'

    Everyone is encouraged to post their own "Poetic Etiquette Suggestions" ... tips that you think may help a new person joining us. It is our hope that each Family Member will consider these suggestions.

    i don't see you helpin at all....don't bring me down lift me up.....
     
  8. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    yo...mad you know betta brah...let's squash this

    african...you critized his work previously and get upset cause he does the same?

    let's all respect each others work...this is a family, so let's build...
    one love
    khasm
     
  9. AfRiCaNrOoTs5o

    AfRiCaNrOoTs5o Active Member MEMBER

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    african...you critized his work previously and get upset cause he does the same?

    ugh.....yea....because i critisized his worked but told him what to work on.......he came in here to see my work and critisize .....because i didn't like that 1 part......he wanted revenge in my opinion......

    but i'll squash it....for now.....
     
  10. MADDRAPPER

    MADDRAPPER Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    OK I'LL CRITICISE LOOK NO WORDPLAY AT ALL NO SENTENCE STRUCTURE LOOK YOU NEED METAPHORS ALSO, NAW i'M NOT PERFECT BUT TRY TO BE JUST WORK ON THAT YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT
     
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