Black Relationships : Soul Print of Mama T and her Lil' Soul

Too tired for forgiveness

I'm supposed to forgive him, and move on. Forgive him so that I feel renewed, forgive him because he's a lost brother, for-give.... but today I cannot do it.
Today I wished upon him a pain filled life and a death of agony. I have lost my ability to love this man unconditionally and to keep the focus of the unity between brothers and sisters.

Today, I am not the bigger person, I am small and hurt and wanting vengeance.
Today I am obsessed and torn, and angry and spiteful. Today I am acting like a child.

Today is not a good day for Mama T.
 
I'm supposed to forgive him, and move on. Forgive him so that I feel renewed, forgive him because he's a lost brother, for-give.... but today I cannot do it.
Today I wished upon him a pain filled life and a death of agony. I have lost my ability to love this man unconditionally and to keep the focus of the unity between brothers and sisters.

Today, I am not the bigger person, I am small and hurt and wanting vengeance.
Today I am obsessed and torn, and angry and spiteful. Today I am acting like a child.

Today is not a good day for Mama T.




Through pain comes sterngth. trust me on that sister. Your child depends on that. Also, please do not become another Mean, angry, bitter sister. You are BIGGER than that and your baby will absorb all that. Don't let those who hurt you win. IMHO. remeber, both you and your child are LOVED and cared about.
 
You really don't want to hear from me on this cause you already know I'm keeping this RAW. You have violated several rules of life but you are special and it is far from being over. #1. Get all negative thoughts out of your mind.Feelings are the vibrations of thoughts...change one and you automatically change the other. #2. You have to forgive him, for in doing so you also cleanse yourself from the past and the idea that "they knew better" when actually they didn't...you did. #3. Everyday is a new beginning....your failure to not let go of the past pain means that you carry it into the future with you and your child. #4. All the issues you said that you feel foolish about are the direct result of leading with your feelings instead of your head. Heart always feels....head always KNOWS...now which do you think is more reliable? #5. If you know anything about chess then begin to strategise your life and calculate every move. Keep only the pieces(people) close to you that enhance or benefit the direction you are moving. #6. Falling down isn't a bad thing, it's only bad when you fail to get back up. #7. Sometimes you have to be like me. For example: (People ask me have I ever made any mistakes in my life?...the answer is NO.) I have had some hard lessons but I have never made a mistake. A mistake is always something you didn't learn from and as such are doomed to repeat it. If you learned something from a miscalculated move then it isn't a mistake it's a lesson regardless of how hard the lesson was. #8. Two energies can not occupy the same space at the same time....so if you are feeling or having negative thoughts or feelings towards what you incorrectly see as the cause of what you are going through, where will you have room for all the positive and constructive energy you need to go forward?

I trust to hear from you again!

One Love Sis!!
 
snapping out of it....

Brothers, Keita, Ikoro and IOnlySpeak, thank you for your guidance, your words and your direction. I did snap out of my funky little anger shortly after I posted. I won't call it a miracle of such, but through determination, endurance and the spiritual support of my Destee family my partner is coming around on the housing issue.

The landlord is a White man who is trying to intimidate and coerce my partner into another home that he intends to demolish; the home is no sound in structure / electric or energy. My partner moved into this home 2 1/2 weeks ago and expected to get the lease when the landlord returned from vacation. In this province you must have a "lease" - a written set of terms, even if it's month to month or else the tenant does not have to pay rent until it is received. So, upon his return from vacation, this person calls my partner at work to say he made a mistake, and ought to have rented to a previous tenant who vacated 3 months ago. He then arrives at the house, not knowing that I'm home, with the intention of entering the premises, to look around and "see how much stuff we have". When he finds me at home, he says he just wanted to see how hard it would be for us to move. I explained that I didn't think he had a legal right to do this....

FFWD to yesterday. Finally, after much much talking and a little perspective from my Sister who supported me, my partner is seeing just how ridiculous the situation is, especially since the law is on the side of the tenant.

The landlord has to give us 3 months notice, in writing and state the reason for asking us to vacate. On top of that there are only 5 reasons we can be asked to leave, and none of these reasons are why he's asking us to leave - so the request is illegal. I spoke to this man on the phone yesterday, he called me "sweetie" and said he was well aware of the law, he had been here before. I informed him that if he's done this before to other tenants, being aware of the law, then that spoke a lot about his character. He got angry, threatened to show up at the house on Monday with a Sheriff to have us removed.

My partner signed another lease for the "dump" a few blocks away, so he figures that goes to show an intent to move. I informed him that a contract signed under duress is invalid, and that technically we now had both of his properties, to do with as we saw fit! And that his only recourse was if we didn't pay rent on the second unit to evict us for non-payment. He didn't like dealing with a knowledgable sister.

The mutual friend who "hooked" us up called my partner today, and I am so pleased that instead of backing down, my partner stood his ground, stated our position and informed him that we require a reasonable amount of time to find a new home - and 8 days isn't it!

The thing is, my partner has a great position at a firm here in the city, but since the "boom" housing for families is not so easy to find. We were paying $1200 / month and that's a good deal here - I won't qualify for maternity because I didn't pay into my EI premiums when I worked contract for the last 52 weeks - so I messed that up for us. Like Brother Keita said, I've broken some rules of Life.

It's not all his fault, and I recognize that because my partner has had certain experiences in his life, he doesn't like confrontation - he had to learn to adapt to not making waves during his life. I told him I was really very happy that he handled the conversation in that way today, and I know it takes him out of his comfort zone.

I'm willing to have his back, always. I am just unwilling to let arrogant people push us around, especially when I can sense their intentions are to break the Black Spirit and demoralize us. Anyways, I know there's a lot going on right now for many of us, but I am in my heart and mind very grateful for my Spiritual family of Destee. I have a place to come to, to put it on the table and to gain feedback from people whose voices carry the wisdom of experience and loyalty.

We do intend to find another place ASAP, our personal goal is to find a home by July 31st. That will put me at 8 months, but that's okay. So long as this baby is safe and sound, and my partner and I stand united rather divided, we can manage this successfully.

I love you all for your support.

phynX
 

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