sometimes i wanna leave too ...

Discussion in 'Violators and Violations (Possible Ones)' started by Destee, Jun 12, 2005.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello Family,

    I was just reading a post that Sister Foxi shared, and in it she said that many have wanted to leave this community. That is so true! Yall just do not know! And i wanted to add ... even i wanna leave sometimes!

    I apologize if i've made it appear as though this is all a flowery bed of ease for me!

    Oh my gosh! Sometimes, i wanna quit too ... but it doesn't seem to be in me.

    So for those who wanna quit, who can quit, leave, whatever ... please put an extra measure in for me!

    I don't usually share with the Family, the things i share with the Moderators, but i'm gonna do that now, because i think it's fitting.

    The text below is something that all the Mods have read, but it can and should be applied to the Family at large. For whenever you are not happy in a place, no longer feeling good there, you should not subject yourself to that. I mean this with my whole heart. As much as i want everyone here, i want more for everyone here, to want to be here.

    Well ... anyway ... here's the thread that the Mods have read ...

    and please know ... that sometimes i wanna leave too!


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    Hello Family,

    My experience with online communities did not start with this one. I have been involved with the management of online communities since 1996. I started on AOL, moderating my own black entrepreneur chat for Black Voices.

    I have always loved working with people, our people especially, and building community. In spite of this, i've had times when for whatever reason, the joy, desire, or ability ceased and i had to move on. During my first online management experience, with Black Voices, it was extremely hard to leave. I was blessed with the most wonderful "Forum Leader." Her name was (is) Bree and she made working for her and the community such a joy. I felt like she was my Sister/Mother/Friend all wrapped up in one. So, when it came time for me to leave, telling her was very difficult. I didn't want to put her in a bind or disappoint her in any way. I stayed as long as i could, but the time finally came when i had to tell her it was time for me to move on.

    She was so sooo very wonderful !!!! She was so sweet and warm and fantastic! She gave me to know that she would be fine without me and all of my concern was for naught. She let me know that she wished me well and if ever there was anything she could do for me, all i had to do was ask. I learned so much from her. I learned how to be a Forum Leader, i learned how to embrace those who worked with me, and i learned how to let them go when that time presented itself. She taught me how to make our separation as enjoyable as our coming together. I love her still to this very day.

    Moderating here or in any community can only be a joy and pleasure if you in fact, enjoy it and find it pleasurable. Otherwise, you hurt yourself, the community, and those you interact with. Moderators are leaders and if you aren't sure about being here, you can't lead properly. Building community comes from the heart, you have to want to do it, in order to do it well. So please, don't put yourself through the misery of staying, if that is not what you want to do. I will forever be grateful for what you have given and will never have any hard feelings or harsh words because you've decided to move on.

    All of this to say Family, that there inevitably comes a time when, for whatever reason, we are not moved the same by what we do here. Our lives change, interests shift, we grow and must move on. Please know that you are always welcome to let me know if this is where you are and what you are experiencing. I promise to make your departure as beautiful, joyous, and positive as my dear darling Bree made mine, so many years ago.

    I hope you all understand what i'm saying.

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    while sharing deep thoughts , Destee you took time and shared a gem
    and gave life to many of us , what i mean by life is your warmth and embrace
    took members under your wings like me and showed me how to Lead how to
    understand and see things as a leader , there has been times where i had doubts
    but you re-a-sured me with your humble leadership and it's no secret to many
    who know me and your self how much my love is for DESTEE.COM don't get
    me wrong i love you as well as a sista / Leader but I have this greater deeper
    Love for this site i have learned a lot here and i have embraced many this one
    place i aim to be and will be ...

    going way back when we walked many miles and i saw many things take place
    some was wonderful some was not so great and painful but my heart never really
    let me come between what i love and where i want to be , I truely know what you
    saying here but i have become somewhat like you if everyone leave this community
    i'll be the one standing in the middle alone, this my net home i watch rise from a small
    street to a full community , to depart i can't express but to stay i can .

    I know someday my journey will end and another one will start but the vision i have
    and what i see happening here have not let me look that far yet so here i remain
    Destee you come to know me well and how i act and feel to a point we have shared
    things and issues as a Leader you past that great Leadership down to me and it
    took me some time to accept it but now that i have my sista you stuck with me
    through a lot when you could have turn away and i HONOR you for holding on
    understanding and doing what a leader do i learn a lot from that along now you are
    stuck with me , my commitment and loyality to Destee.com is more then any
    could know ....I have said in the past these same words but in heart i can't it's
    where i want to be and i truely enjoy coming in to meet new people but i have this
    wild thing for poetry and how can i depart my life with that .....I can't let go
    won't let go so .........i am, i feel you Mother Queen, but as long as i'm beside you
    for you and with you leaving is out the question .

    most of all i'm most humbled and very happy for you teaching me what Leadership
    is in a community and for all your very very hard workmenship to allow us all a place
    to come / share / vent / express and even fuss / disagree but how far do we go
    i hope not to extreme where we divide ourselves ......look for me years to come..
    when my time come to depart i'll know this was a great journey under a great
    understandable LEADER Name DESTEE.

    I had to add this .....but i understand what you saying here.

    let me add we all i believe have felt this way through dis-agreements
    of selfish feeling issues and over words. some leave some look for
    attention and some work it out most of all these are things that have
    kept us as people divided , time we start sharing common solution to
    problems and not debate every written word or statement but look to
    add an solution for it with open mind and heart .

    Destee Thank you for you ! continue to teach and share the leadership
    because i'm still learning and want to learn knowledge & wisdom is the
    key and goal being to this day a community leader i found knowledge
    through you and now i have wisdom of it to share and teach the upcoming
    without your leadership i would have been just another visitor here.


    I LOVE THIS PLACE AND IT'S FOUNDER..............
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Awwwwwwww MY $$RICH$$NESSSSSSSSS ... :love:

    Reading this has brought tears to my eyes. Oh my gosh, and some smiles too ... you're so krazee ... lol ... oh boy ... we have gone through some things together, haven't we?!! Whew! Bless your sweet heart, talking about me putting up with you ... c'mon now Bruh ... you had to put up with me too! :) Thank You for not throwing in the towel the many times you may have wanted to! I really can't imagine this place without you. You know i've said many times, that because of you, i was able to focus on other things in the community because you were taking care of our most active area ... poetry! Now that we have this great Team up there, gosh, i rarely even look! I feel bad sometimes, not giving the poetry area any of my time, but gosh, yall run it like a well-oiled machine! Thank you so much for standing with me, through our roughest of times. Giving me to know that i have a friend for life. I am honored. Thank You $$RICH$$.

    You know $$RICH$$, when you talk about leadership, we are all leaders ... every Member of this community. We all have the ability to guide and move this community in the direction we want it to go, by the way we interact with each other ... and i'm proud to say that all of us are learning how to be better leaders ... including me!

    You have always said that you would be the last one standing with me ... that everyone else would be gone ... and it would be you and i ... just like in the beginning, remember those days when it would be 2 Members on the forum ... you and me ... :lol: ... or remember when there would be just one ... man ... God has blessed us immensely, with each other. Thank You MY $$RICH$$NESSSS! :love:

    i love you

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    We have probably all wanted to leave at one time or another. Feelings get hurt, misunderstandings happen. But there is a difference between wanting to leave, and actually leaving. Sometimes we just need a cooling off period, a time to reflect and think about the real reason(s) that we are here. And determining if those reasons are indeed valid any more.
    The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Perhaps checking out a few other websites, to compare, would be wiser to do, than to just leave. We may just find that what we're looking for isn't really out there, no site is perfect. Or we may find a place that better suits us initially. But what happens when the "newness" wears off? You may be in store for even more disagreements than at the site you left, nothing is for certain.
    When some threaten to leave, they mean it. With others, I think it's a last ditch effort at trying to be heard. To say that there is this problem, and you are trying to solve it, but haven't been able to. That you'd rather resolve the problem and stay, but can't solve it, as of yet. And there are times when you have to agree to disagree, if you want there to be peace...If indeed you want there to be peace.
    I think you are correct Destee, if a place causes more pain than happiness, than yes, you should consider a new home. And hopefully that decision will be made because one has grown and changed, not because one no longer feels welcome. But definitely give it some thought and investigation first, before you cut all ties.
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    BESTFRIENDS indeed and yes how i remember the (all nighters) we shared
    the long working hours here to build what is still a great community and yes
    i know deep inside everyone here they are Leaders to move this community
    to a higher point and we are coming along fine we shall and will reach that
    peek ahead no matter what storm shift our way.

    MOTHER QUEEN i will go through the fire with you and yes i said it long
    ago and today i will be here when everyone else is gone

    I truely hope thousands make me be wrong on that !
    whenever you need me i'm here for you no matter what it is that's what
    friends are for a friend indeed and i will protect where i live on the net

    DESTEE.COM y'a heardddd me !

    PEACE & HARMONY w/blessings to us all in our very own community

    love you Destee by the way did you know i had a crush on you ! lol.....
    let me stop before a war kick in round here and i have to ride airwave
    in my B-52 HOOVERCRAFT BOMBER
     
  6. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    So true Sister Watz ... and good to be reading you! You should come down into the discussion areas more often, i've told you about the wisdom you have and how you should not deny us the blessing within you!

    Yes, i think we have all probably wanted to leave! We are not the easiest folk to deal with, by any stretch of the imagination! But as difficult as we may be, i'd not want to be in the midst of any other! I Love Us!

    You're right, there are no guarantees and the chances are great that we'll have to go through something, no matter where we are.

    Sister Watz, i'm especially happy that you're still here! Do i have a story to tell on everyone or what?!!! ... :lol: ... ohhhhhh Sister ... but you know, we have had our share of ups and downs ... wondering if we could live together ... if we were really seeing eye to eye, understanding each other ... but you know what Sister Watz, even through those more trying times, you never gave up on this community. I think i've said this somewhere before, how no matter what, you gave your $10.00 a month to help this community remain alive. I know you're a single Mother and that money could go to something else, there's always something else a Momma needs to buy! But you sacrifice to help keep this community here ... right in the midst of the storms, you kept believing ... and we made it through!

    I am honored Sister. Forever i'll be honored. Thank You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  7. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    MY $$RICH$$NESSS ... :eeek: ... oh my gosh !!!! ... why didn't you tell me ?!!!

    Ohhhhhhhhhh $$RICH$$ ... uuhhhhh ... wait ... skuze me ... can you meet me in my office for a private Mod Meeting??? ... right away please???? ... :wink:

    Oh My Goodness $$RICH$$ ... wait wait wait ... you said "had" ... like past tense ... like it's over now ??!!

    just like me ... a day late and a dollar short ... :bye:

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  8. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    we'll take this up over dinner and leave your pocketbook at home !
    guess i'll hit that crush thread now .......... let's say have not had .
     
  9. Ralfa'il

    Ralfa'il Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I apologize in advance if my post offends anyone...and it surely will...but I can only be who I am and keep it real for myself, not some crowd pleaser...



    Destee

    You and this post should stand as a MODEL of what black femininity should be.....

    You are a lovely, intelligent, clean woman who knows how to carry herself and isn't afraid to let her sensative feminine side show through in the form of a little insecurity or vulnerability.

    And that's ULTRA-ATTRACTIVE to black men like me.

    Especially when you say "gosh".
    It's good for our women to be a little corny.


    That's how our women should be.

    Not this macho sharp-tongued pain-inflicting attitude so many have adopted.

    Infact...I've NEVER seen you carry yourself other than a lady even when you were obviously angry and had the power to.

    When I read that post I felt like cuddling you like a baby and just sheltering you with protection, it brought out natural instincts inside me.

    That's the way I want my sistaz to make me feel.

    That's what I mean about wanting to be "needed".


    Unfortunately, the older I get the more I'm comming to believe that your type and the opposite is inherent nature and not something that can be instilled, and it saddens me in a way that so many of our women have this rough arrogant nature about them.

    I hope you have some daughters sis so atleast you can impart on them something of the woman that you are, because we're hurting for it in our community.






    That's the part I wanted to address.
    I didn't plan on posting any spirit-lifting "hang in there" Rocky IV speeches because I know you ain't going nowhere no time soon, quitting isn't in your nature.

    You might EXPAND.....
     
  10. Intrepid

    Intrepid Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am not sure exactly what the hey is going on around here ( iam usually the last to know anyway..LOL)
    but I have read a few of the post about leaving and not getting what they need
    or being appauled by names used etc.
    My comment is that sometime in life we must all move on and make changes in our lives.
    Moving on should never be about negativetity but about positive growth for yourself.
    If someone leaves because they are offended by something said or done then they are not prepared for life, because things will always be said and done that we may not like and may totally disagree with.
    If it is time to leave for those I say farwell and good luck.
    To those who are staying I say lets move on and continue to grow in strength,honesty and unity.
     
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