Black Poetry : Some Stories are hard to tell

Defiantson

Well-Known Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Jun 30, 2005
658
8
Some Stories are hard to tell

Some stories are hard to tell
Wondering how I can tell this one
Fearful of not knowing the outcome
Suffering from depression
Brought on by an illness
I had no control over
Where tumor cells
Take over you body
Growing rapidly

This is what happened to me
Age 31 and cancer
Got the best of me
Not knowing what to do
How to deal
With the conception of this illness
Leading me to a state of depression
Pushing people away
Not wanting to be close to anyone

Hurting people I loved
Not wanting them to know
My pain
For the first time in my life
I cried openly
Praying for answers
Still pushing away
Deeper and deeper
I fall into my oblivion

Self destruction was a thought
Drinking became my past time
Fallowed by endless sorrow
There had to be more
But ignorance kept me blind
Until it happened
Looking eagerly
And searching for answers
My ignorance faded

Amazing how one can learn
When death is knocking
On your footsteps
Constantly being tired
Cancer cells kept spreading
The tumor getting bigger
Being embarrassed
By the nature of my illness
How it grew where it grew

Knowing something was wrong
How my right testical
Kept swelling
She noticed it
Asking me questions
I couldn’t answer
Her seeing the tumor grow
Telling me to seek a doctor
fright of what it may be kept me

The day came when I did go
Doctors touching me
Their hands all over my genitals
Telling me it is a tumor
We need to run test
To see if it’s cancerous
Receiving a phone call
4 hours later
Scared me

Emotions of fear
Over come my consciousness
My stomach was turning twisting
Nervous of the outcome
They told me to come again
They needed to talk to me
With tears shading
My worst fear
Came to be true

Cancer, the killer of so many in my family
Now my burden too
Weeping like a baby I look for comfort
Only to find it
At the bottom of a bottle
Still reaching for another
They told me that it is curable
We have to move quickly
Tumor cells are spreading rapidly

2 weeks have past
Dressed in a hospital gown
They laid me on the cutting board
Subduing me with Anastasias
Eyes closing only to wake
To a feeling of discomfort
Removing my ill grown tumor
Not being able to move
Doped out on morphine

3 days of rest in a hospital
Trying to walk but couldn’t
Cutting me
Like I was having a C section
Giving birth to Tumors cells
My muscles weak from distortion
Cut by the instrument of the physician
Walking was a task of its own
Feeling vulnerable less then a man

Friends not being friendly
Except for a few
Receiving minimum phone calls
Divided by the number of friends
Equals the rest of them
Being full of ****
Loved ones family
Not being around
When you needed them

Not wanting to go home
Staying with a true friend
Her taking care of me
On top of the burden
She already had
Thanking her countlessly
Radiation fatiguing me
Chemo weakens me
Losing hair, control of emotion

Missing her loving ways
Wanting to rekindle
Lost love
Drove she away
I am sorry
So, so sorry
For saying what I said
To you that day
Emotionally attacking her
With verbal cancer
Was not the plan
Again I am sorry

Suffering from 2 forms of cancer
One medical the other emotional
Realizing that one is treatable
The other isn’t
Some wounds will heal
Others leave cuts and scares
Now medically cured
Emotionally wounded
Time will treat all
 
Wow. having walked a different yet similar road as you. I connected with this. no one can really protray something like this unless they've been there. Such emotion!!!!!!!

"Friends not being friendly
Except for a few
Receiving minimum phone calls
Divided by the number of friends
Equals the rest of them
Being full of ****"

I couldn't agree with you more. But I don't want to go back there. But I will say this you learn who your true friends are.

I'll make sure to check out your myspace page
 

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