Black Poetry : Some Stories are hard to tell

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Defiantson, Aug 29, 2006.

  1. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Some Stories are hard to tell

    Some stories are hard to tell
    Wondering how I can tell this one
    Fearful of not knowing the outcome
    Suffering from depression
    Brought on by an illness
    I had no control over
    Where tumor cells
    Take over you body
    Growing rapidly

    This is what happened to me
    Age 31 and cancer
    Got the best of me
    Not knowing what to do
    How to deal
    With the conception of this illness
    Leading me to a state of depression
    Pushing people away
    Not wanting to be close to anyone

    Hurting people I loved
    Not wanting them to know
    My pain
    For the first time in my life
    I cried openly
    Praying for answers
    Still pushing away
    Deeper and deeper
    I fall into my oblivion

    Self destruction was a thought
    Drinking became my past time
    Fallowed by endless sorrow
    There had to be more
    But ignorance kept me blind
    Until it happened
    Looking eagerly
    And searching for answers
    My ignorance faded

    Amazing how one can learn
    When death is knocking
    On your footsteps
    Constantly being tired
    Cancer cells kept spreading
    The tumor getting bigger
    Being embarrassed
    By the nature of my illness
    How it grew where it grew

    Knowing something was wrong
    How my right testical
    Kept swelling
    She noticed it
    Asking me questions
    I couldn’t answer
    Her seeing the tumor grow
    Telling me to seek a doctor
    fright of what it may be kept me

    The day came when I did go
    Doctors touching me
    Their hands all over my genitals
    Telling me it is a tumor
    We need to run test
    To see if it’s cancerous
    Receiving a phone call
    4 hours later
    Scared me

    Emotions of fear
    Over come my consciousness
    My stomach was turning twisting
    Nervous of the outcome
    They told me to come again
    They needed to talk to me
    With tears shading
    My worst fear
    Came to be true

    Cancer, the killer of so many in my family
    Now my burden too
    Weeping like a baby I look for comfort
    Only to find it
    At the bottom of a bottle
    Still reaching for another
    They told me that it is curable
    We have to move quickly
    Tumor cells are spreading rapidly

    2 weeks have past
    Dressed in a hospital gown
    They laid me on the cutting board
    Subduing me with Anastasias
    Eyes closing only to wake
    To a feeling of discomfort
    Removing my ill grown tumor
    Not being able to move
    Doped out on morphine

    3 days of rest in a hospital
    Trying to walk but couldn’t
    Cutting me
    Like I was having a C section
    Giving birth to Tumors cells
    My muscles weak from distortion
    Cut by the instrument of the physician
    Walking was a task of its own
    Feeling vulnerable less then a man

    Friends not being friendly
    Except for a few
    Receiving minimum phone calls
    Divided by the number of friends
    Equals the rest of them
    Being full of ****
    Loved ones family
    Not being around
    When you needed them

    Not wanting to go home
    Staying with a true friend
    Her taking care of me
    On top of the burden
    She already had
    Thanking her countlessly
    Radiation fatiguing me
    Chemo weakens me
    Losing hair, control of emotion

    Missing her loving ways
    Wanting to rekindle
    Lost love
    Drove she away
    I am sorry
    So, so sorry
    For saying what I said
    To you that day
    Emotionally attacking her
    With verbal cancer
    Was not the plan
    Again I am sorry

    Suffering from 2 forms of cancer
    One medical the other emotional
    Realizing that one is treatable
    The other isn’t
    Some wounds will heal
    Others leave cuts and scares
    Now medically cured
    Emotionally wounded
    Time will treat all
     
  2. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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  3. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Make sure to leave your mark and let me know how it makes you all feel.
     
  4. phenomenalwoman

    phenomenalwoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow. having walked a different yet similar road as you. I connected with this. no one can really protray something like this unless they've been there. Such emotion!!!!!!!

    "Friends not being friendly
    Except for a few
    Receiving minimum phone calls
    Divided by the number of friends
    Equals the rest of them
    Being full of ****"

    I couldn't agree with you more. But I don't want to go back there. But I will say this you learn who your true friends are.

    I'll make sure to check out your myspace page
     
  5. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you so much for your love. Yeah I don't even talk to those people anymore fuckem thats my saying for them. They try to talk to me and I be like you talking to me. And just walk away....

    Mannie
     
  6. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I felt...so many different ways when reading this. Part of me thought I was reading something very personal, and I felt it was a privilege to be allowed into your world this way... I was saddened by the descriptions of denial of the illness, and the pain you went through, and to some extent, still do. It made me think about members of my own family, and their battle with cancer. Just a brief summary here, there are other feelings as well. But, know that this piece definitely made me feel. Peace and blessings.
     
  7. NapturallyYours

    NapturallyYours Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Defiantson,

    This is a deeply emotional piece, while I can't say I know how you feel, I can say that through this piece that I feel YOU. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Napturally
     
  8. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I thank all of you. As a poet I feel it is important to make your audience feel exactly how you feel. I am a spoken word artist and preforming this piece usually makes people cry a little bit. Thanks again

    Mannie
     
  9. Defiantson

    Defiantson Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is a must read if you get a chance to
     
  10. j'hiah

    j'hiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    you've told the story very well.
    l bet we all can relate to many stanzas of this genuine, heart-felt peace.
    it's called life.

    peace.
     
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