Poetry Critiques : Sleeping

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by carsonh, Dec 1, 2007.

  1. carsonh

    carsonh Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I saw her,
    peaceful,
    lying still.
    I thought she was sleeping.
    She looked that way when she slept;
    peaceful and lying still.
    They were speaking of things,
    dead people things,
    funeral things,
    but I only saw her sleeping.
    They called family and friends,
    murmurring of a peaceful parting.
    They gathered around her;
    read a Psalm, said a prayer,
    but she only looks asleep.
    They lingered and stared at her
    then one by one the touched her head
    and smoothed her hair,
    whispered quiet sentiments in her ear,
    and laid gentle kisses on here forehead.
    I did not touch her head,
    nor did I smooth her hair,
    nor did I whisper to her,
    nor lay a gentle kiss
    because thoses are dead people things
    but granny is only sleeping.
    :sand: :sand: :sand: :sand: :sand: :sand:
     
  2. FaithSoulSistah

    FaithSoulSistah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Carsonh, this takes me back about 9 years.......
     
  3. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Like FaithSoulSistah, this to me back also. Sort of reminds me of a great aunt's funeral, so many years ago. This so well expressed the innocent feelings of seeing a loved one in eternal rest.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    wow this lay a picture in my head and a vision i'll never forget
    when i saw her laying there peacefully sleep.
    great window opening to da mind and memories awesome piece
    no changes needed
     
  5. carsonh

    carsonh Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    blessed responses and im glad i could take some of you back, we all have people we loved and lost and its good at times to pause and remeber them.
     
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