Poetry Critiques : Sleepfighter ***needs feedback*

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by divine_1, Nov 4, 2006.

  1. divine_1

    divine_1 Active Member MEMBER

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    i should be sleep right now

    but tiredness has not yet washed over me.

    has not pulled me under its comforting grasp.

    holding me tight against its chest until i cant move.

    and have no choice but to drift away.

    to stay within it's grasp would mean torture.

    but to leave would be insanity.

    so i dangle in limbo.

    content in who i am.

    a sleepfigher.

    periodically winning the battle

    until inevitably the time comes

    and i'm worn out.

    body aching from standing strong

    i tried.

    to fight.

    eyes droop.

    and i give in.

    to sweet dreams.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    very interesting and very well done
    don't chang a thing !
     
  3. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    divine_1

    Word choice. :D

    I can't wait to see your future pieces on topics such as Black people being the "sleeping giant" and it's awakening. Or, your scribes on the fighting the good fight...Memoirs of a Great Struggle. Something like that.

    You have a very good since of clear writing. What I mean by that is you can write and put your reader in the moment...make them feel what you feel psychologically. Never lose that, poet.
     
  4. robboy2003

    robboy2003 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Bravo! Bravo!:great: :great: Keep putting good thoughts to paper!