Black Relationships : Situationship

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Josef, May 30, 2014.

  1. Josef

    Josef Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    So:uhh:...I've known this Woman for around 5 years or so.

    We have always gotten along very well, and between the two of us we both have sort've been feeling each

    others vibe but haven't really came out and told one another.

    Well last summer, she had got married, and of course I wasn't invited yet let her tell it, it just slipped her mind to invite my family and I.

    I wasn't trippin, heck I was happy for her.

    Well their union spiraled out of control, and I could tell because it was then that she would come through to visit more often then she had in previous times.

    I met the Brother plenty, cool dude he seemed to be... but I have learned that he is very abusive after he's had some drink.

    I know of his past, and background best from what she has told me.

    Me being me, and a good friend of hers, coupled with the fact I'm digging her, I am there for her when she needs me to be...

    I don't push any issue about me liking her, because though they go through their problems, I can and will only be a friend to them both.

    Well she told dude she wants a divorce and I can tell because she goes on dates with other Men, nothing serious but...
    She's done.

    MY Thing is though...
    I now want to be there for this dude. (No homo)
    He's a young cat, 8 years younger than his wife (my friend)
    I went through a counseling session when my ex wife and I were getting a divorce and although I didn't

    resort to substance abuse to deal with it, I can feel what hes about to go through and where he could be headed if he keeps drinking.
    He has lost his job, went to jail, as a matter of fact he's there now for acting up with her. So most likely wont have a place to stay once he's out.
    In my counseling I met quite a few guys who were gone through similar issues as he is going through.

    I been there to an extent, I'm all better now though lol.. and feel that in those classes we as Men helped each other get better by recognizing

    that through talking out our issues we could have healthy living by changing our actions, behaviors and what not.

    So, I really want to help this young Brother, and become a friend of his. We get along from what I can tell, yet she has stated a few times he questions why her and I are soo close and

    asked her, not me if I like her, and if we ever had anything going on prior to their marriage.
    Her and I had went out recently, just as friends but had you not known we were just that, you

    could probably think we had a connection or were together...
    We were hugged up a little and she did let me know that she likes me more than just that.
    A score some would say, I relayed to her that the feeling was mutual...
    Who wouldn't feel flattered, ya know?

    She's worried that he won't want the divorce and will contest it.

    I have asked her if she thought they could wotk it out, according to her he is very jealous, can be controlling, and accuses her of being too friendly.

    I know this stems from his insecurities and possibly past relationships failures, its almost like I'm seeing the weaknesses I experienced myself at one time, till I found myself and gained confidence in knowing that sort of thinking only cripples you and your mind.

    Sigh...

    I think though its best that I cool my jets, and sit down and talk with her, and assure her that I will always ride for her no doubt, but that it would be the most beneficial for us both to remain only as awesome friends.

    I really want to help this Brother fix these issues within himself, and how could or would i be able to if
    I am with his Woman?

    Not sure if he will accept my friendship in that way, or my willingness to help him...I just feel I need to at least try...
    We shall see.
     
  2. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Wow, Josef.... that's quite an undertaking. Good Luck!
     
  3. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    I say.. fall back. You spent far too many lines describing how you and her are feeling each other.. vibe or no vibe.. old friend or not.. she's another man's wife.. and if you truly want to help him, back up off his lady.

    personally.. the last dude I want to hear from is a dude that went out and was "hugged up" with my wife. That's the kind of thing that will get you killed where I come from.. realtalk.. it don't matter what your intentions were... or what happened.. You don't know what she's telling that dude.. or how you are being represented in her relationship with him.. you're walking on dangerous ground.. and unnecessarily so.. there's a new crop of attractive available young women every season.. there's no reason whatsoever to even flirt with another man's wife.. if your thing is together, you can always find a free one.

    2 of my best friends growing up were killed behind women. One was shot at a coffee shot because the dude that shot him's girlfriend said she was leaving him.. and that she wanted to be with my friend. Dude had a friend of my friend invite him to breakfast at this coffee shot.. showed up and killed both of them... just like that.

    My other friend was killed as he walked out the house of a chick he had been messing with.. her ex-boyfriend didn't seem to know he was an Ex.. and shot him in the back of the head.. point blank..

    I got another one.. that landed in prison for 9 years.. again over a woman..

    8 million stories in the naked city...

    fallback.. nothing good can come from it..

    - peace..
     
  4. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Stay out of it. In fact, be a friend from afar. You have crossed motives





    .
     
  5. Josef

    Josef Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You're right, I was wrong for that no doubt.

    I know cats, well one I'm particular serving life for starting an apartment fire trying to get his ex,...
    A friend of hers lived there not her, turned out that she left before he got there, the fire ended up killing an older man who most likely didn't even know any of them!

    Yea I'm gonna to pump my brakes with this one.
    That night was the closest intimate encounter we've had, and it wasn't too extreme, we hug each time we see each other, but we went a little extra.
    Too close for comfort with another man's Wife...
     
  6. Josef

    Josef Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    To both of them or?
     
  7. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Both of them





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