Black Relationships : sisters would you date a unemployed brother?

saturdaymorning

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if you were in a club and got talking with a handsome nicely dressed brother but then when the subject got onto "so what do you do for a living?" and he answered "i am not working at the moment".
would you instantly but politely thank him for a nice conversation and leave?
or would you continue chatting regardless?
surely a woman views a potential partner/husband as a long term investment?
for example, say you were out shopping for a new outfit and something caught your eye in the shop window and you could afford to buy it.
so you go in and try it on and it fits like a glove!
so you pay for it and go home.

few weeks later you are invited to a party, so you put on your outfit but then you notice a flaw of some kind on the jacket!
would you change your mind and not go to the party?
or would you still go regardless?
but on the way you start thinking what your friends will think of you?
perhaps you are known as a woman that always looks her best and never settles for anything less?
would you be prepared to lower your standards and risk being embarrassed and questioned by your friends saying "honey didn't you notice the flaw on your jacket?
in the same way friends finding out that you are dating an out of work man could cause you embarrassment...would you be prepared to suffer that or would it not bother you what friends say?
 

Destee

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Saturday Morning ... Welcome Again! ... :wave:

Reading your post makes me think about the fact that Black Men are the most under-employed group of adults. This is not a new phenomena for Black Women. We've been dealing with it all the time, and continually loving these Brothers. (Remember, we give birth to Black Men, so of course we do our best to love and be patient with them.) I think it may be more trying for younger Sisters, wanting what they see other couples have, and not aware of, or willing to be patient for, what is actually causing the unemployment situation for Brothers.

Sisters are often left with the immediate and life-sustaining concerns for the Family, such as food and shelter, as she's usually the one given employment. At moments like this, it is very difficult to remain cognizant of the systemic racism that perpetuates this situation. Add to that, a Brother's way of dealing with it inside himself, not appearing to care when he's tore up inside about it, leads a Sister to feel she's all alone when it comes to providing basic living needs for the Family. It's a very challenging circumstance to be in, for both the Sister and the Brother, yet we all have seen it or lived it.

I just found this article, Plight Deepens for Black Men, Studies Warn. It's a couple of years old, but i'm sure things haven't changed that much.


Plight Deepens for Black Men, Studies Warn

By ERIK ECKHOLM
Published: March 20, 2006

BALTIMORE — Black men in the United States face a far more dire situation than is portrayed by common employment and education statistics, a flurry of new scholarly studies warn, and it has worsened in recent years even as an economic boom and a welfare overhaul have brought gains to black women and other groups.

Curtis E. Brannon of Baltimore with Curtis Jr., one of the four children he has fathered with three mothers. "I was with the street life," Mr. Brannon said, "but now I feel like I've got to get myself together."
Multimedia

Focusing more closely than ever on the life patterns of young black men, the new studies, by experts at Columbia, Princeton, Harvard and other institutions, show that the huge pool of poorly educated black men are becoming ever more disconnected from the mainstream society, and to a far greater degree than comparable white or Hispanic men.

Especially in the country's inner cities, the studies show, finishing high school is the exception, legal work is scarcer than ever and prison is almost routine, with incarceration rates climbing for blacks even as urban crime rates have declined.

Although the problems afflicting poor black men have been known for decades, the new data paint a more extensive and sobering picture of the challenges they face.

"There's something very different happening with young black men, and it's something we can no longer ignore," said Ronald B. Mincy, professor of social work at Columbia University and editor of "Black Males Left Behind" (Urban Institute Press, 2006).

"Over the last two decades, the economy did great," Mr. Mincy said, "and low-skilled women, helped by public policy, latched onto it. But young black men were falling farther back."

Many of the new studies go beyond the traditional approaches to looking at the plight of black men, especially when it comes to determining the scope of joblessness. For example, official unemployment rates can be misleading because they do not include those not seeking work or incarcerated.

"If you look at the numbers, the 1990's was a bad decade for young black men, even though it had the best labor market in 30 years," said Harry J. Holzer, an economist at Georgetown University and co-author, with Peter Edelman and Paul Offner, of "Reconnecting Disadvantaged Young Men" (Urban Institute Press, 2006).

These were among the recent findings:

¶The share of young black men without jobs has climbed relentlessly, with only a slight pause during the economic peak of the late 1990's. In 2000, 65 percent of black male high school dropouts in their 20's were jobless — that is, unable to find work, not seeking it or incarcerated. By 2004, the share had grown to 72 percent, compared with 34 percent of white and 19 percent of Hispanic dropouts. Even when high school graduates were included, half of black men in their 20's were jobless in 2004, up from 46 percent in 2000.

¶Incarceration rates climbed in the 1990's and reached historic highs in the past few years. In 1995, 16 percent of black men in their 20's who did not attend college were in jail or prison; by 2004, 21 percent were incarcerated. By their mid-30's, 6 in 10 black men who had dropped out of school had spent time in prison.

¶In the inner cities, more than half of all black men do not finish high school.

None of the litany of problems that young black men face was news to a group of men from the airless neighborhoods of Baltimore who recently described their experiences.

One of them, Curtis E. Brannon, told a story so commonplace it hardly bears notice here. He quit school in 10th grade to sell drugs, fathered four children with three mothers, and spent several stretches in jail for drug possession, parole violations and other crimes.

"I was with the street life, but now I feel like I've got to get myself together," Mr. Brannon said recently in the row-house flat he shares with his girlfriend and four children. "You get tired of incarceration."

Mr. Brannon, 28, said he planned to look for work, perhaps as a mover, and he noted optimistically that he had not been locked up in six months.

A group of men, including Mr. Brannon, gathered at the Center for Fathers, Families and Workforce Development, one of several private agencies trying to help men build character along with workplace skills.

The clients readily admit to their own bad choices but say they also fight a pervasive sense of hopelessness.

"It hurts to get that boot in the face all the time," said Steve Diggs, 34. "I've had a lot of charges but only a few convictions," he said of his criminal record.

Mr. Diggs is now trying to strike out on his own, developing a party space for rentals, but he needs help with business skills.

Click Here To Read Entire Article

This is a topic dear to my heart, Black Men Willing to Work, but Unemployed, as i'm so aware of how it devastates the Brother that can't get or keep a job (yet tries with all his might), the Sister that loves him, and the Family that needs him. It's like they get us all, with this one shot.

The article mentions how some Brothers are striking out on their own, trying to start their own business, and this is the way i suggest as well. Stop depending on these white people to employ you! Business savvy and executive intellect is needed, if you will, when selling drugs! Oh My Gosh! The pressure, the cost, the everything! I don't believe any Fortune 500 CEO has more business skill than a Brother selling drugs. Brothers go this route because these are the scraps white men have left to them. Just imagine if this same partnering between Brothers, savvy and executive decision making ability were put into legal endeavors, instead of selling drugs ... whew ... Brothers would own everything!

Back to your question ... if you were in a club and got talking with a handsome nicely dressed brother but then when the subject got onto "so what do you do for a living?" and he answered "i am not working at the moment". would you instantly but politely thank him for a nice conversation and leave? ... no, i wouldn't stop talking to him! Gosh, how rude is that?!!! :eeek: ... as a matter of fact, it would not even be a question i would ask a Brother. It's not on the list of "stuff i need to know the first time we talk."

Saturday Morning ... are you a Brother or a Sister?

This is a great topic and thanks for starting it. Please continue to make yourself at home, because you are!

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee
 

saturdaymorning

Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Nov 14, 2005
8
0
Destee said:
Saturday Morning ... Welcome Again! ... :wave:

Reading your post makes me think about the fact that Black Men are the most under-employed group of adults. This is not a new phenomena for Black Women. We've been dealing with it all the time, and continually loving these Brothers. (Remember, we give birth to Black Men, so of course we do our best to love and be patient with them.) I think it may be more trying for younger Sisters, wanting what they see other couples have, and not aware of, or willing to be patient for, what is actually causing the unemployment situation for Brothers.

Sisters are often left with the immediate and life-sustaining concerns for the Family, such as food and shelter, as she's usually the one given employment. At moments like this, it is very difficult to remain cognizant of the systemic racism that perpetuates this situation. Add to that, a Brother's way of dealing with it inside himself, not appearing to care when he's tore up inside about it, leads a Sister to feel she's all alone when it comes to providing basic living needs for the Family. It's a very challenging circumstance to be in, for both the Sister and the Brother, yet we all have seen it or lived it.

I just found this article, Plight Deepens for Black Men, Studies Warn. It's a couple of years old, but i'm sure things haven't changed that much.




This is a topic dear to my heart, Black Men Willing to Work, but Unemployed, as i'm so aware of how it devastates the Brother that can't get or keep a job (yet tries with all his might), the Sister that loves him, and the Family that needs him. It's like they get us all, with this one shot.

The article mentions how some Brothers are striking out on their own, trying to start their own business, and this is the way i suggest as well. Stop depending on these white people to employ you! Business savvy and executive intellect is needed, if you will, when selling drugs! Oh My Gosh! The pressure, the cost, the everything! I don't believe any Fortune 500 CEO has more business skill than a Brother selling drugs. Brothers go this route because these are the scraps white men have left to them. Just imagine if this same partnering between Brothers, savvy and executive decision making ability were put into legal endeavors, instead of selling drugs ... whew ... Brothers would own everything!

Back to your question ... if you were in a club and got talking with a handsome nicely dressed brother but then when the subject got onto "so what do you do for a living?" and he answered "i am not working at the moment". would you instantly but politely thank him for a nice conversation and leave? ... no, i wouldn't stop talking to him! Gosh, how rude is that?!!! :eeek: ... as a matter of fact, it would not even be a question i would ask a Brother. It's not on the list of "stuff i need to know the first time we talk."

Saturday Morning ... are you a Brother or a Sister?

This is a great topic and thanks for starting it. Please continue to make yourself at home, because you are!

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee
destee
That was A HeartFelt Honest response to my post.
Thank You.
I Am British Brother Born to Jamaican Parents.
I'm Also Currently Unemployed, Having Been Fired From My old job as a traffic warden after 5 years.
that hit me hard:bam:
i still remember the feeling of going to sign on for benefit after earning my own bread for so long.
But these things happen.
I'm also single and do from time to time wonder if a sister would date me whilst I'm out of work?
it is also embarrassing for me if a sister asks me what I'm doing for a living?
and since i try hard to be honest i choose to be honest and admit I'm currently unemployed, and then kinda wait to be rejected eventually:sleepy:
having a job gives me that extra bit of backbone if you get my meaning?
a job means security, food clothes etc the basics...you got something to share with your woman you get me destee?
not to say that i got nothing to share with a woman even though i ain't working at the moment.
when i can afford it, i fill up my wardrobe with clothes and shoes and work on developing qualities that a woman will be drawn to even whilst i am out of work.
soon things will work out and then that part of my heart that is hungry will be satsified:massage:
as long as i'm alive, there is hope and opportunity:bingo:
so brothers, don't give up hope.....let's draw comfort even from our beautiful strong minded sister destee.

much love
saturday morning:qqb015:
 

Clyde C Coger Jr

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In the Spirit of Sankofa and the Black Man!

Destee said:
Saturday Morning ... Welcome Again! ... :wave:

Reading your post makes me think about the fact that Black Men are the most under-employed group of adults. This is not a new phenomena for Black Women. We've been dealing with it all the time, and continually loving these Brothers. (Remember, we give birth to Black Men, so of course we do our best to love and be patient with them.) I think it may be more trying for younger Sisters, wanting what they see other couples have, and not aware of, or willing to be patient for, what is actually causing the unemployment situation for Brothers.

Sisters are often left with the immediate and life-sustaining concerns for the Family, such as food and shelter, as she's usually the one given employment. At moments like this, it is very difficult to remain cognizant of the systemic racism that perpetuates this situation. Add to that, a Brother's way of dealing with it inside himself, not appearing to care when he's tore up inside about it, leads a Sister to feel she's all alone when it comes to providing basic living needs for the Family. It's a very challenging circumstance to be in, for both the Sister and the Brother, yet we all have seen it or lived it.






The article mentions how some Brothers are striking out on their own, trying to start their own business, and this is the way i suggest as well. Stop depending on these white people to employ you! Business savvy and executive intellect is needed, if you will, when selling drugs! Oh My Gosh! The pressure, the cost, the everything! I don't believe any Fortune 500 CEO has more business skill than a Brother selling drugs. Brothers go this route because these are the scraps white men have left to them. Just imagine if this same partnering between Brothers, savvy and executive decision making ability were put into legal endeavors, instead of selling drugs ... whew ... Brothers would own everything!

Back to your question ... if you were in a club and got talking with a handsome nicely dressed brother but then when the subject got onto "so what do you do for a living?" and he answered "i am not working at the moment". would you instantly but politely thank him for a nice conversation and leave? ... no, i wouldn't stop talking to him! Gosh, how rude is that?!!! :eeek: ... as a matter of fact, it would not even be a question i would ask a Brother. It's not on the list of "stuff i need to know the first time we talk."

Saturday Morning ... are you a Brother or a Sister?

This is a great topic and thanks for starting it. Please continue to make yourself at home, because you are!

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee


Destee,

:bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:
 

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