All good questions, Bro Kem. Unfortunately, women (black and otherwise) have a tendency to date men who TELL them they love them, instead of SHOWING them they love them. That can be considered a life lesson, or growing pain, and will continue until we (as women) learn better.
And you have identified a very important issue. In the rush to be grown/independent, we avoid the wisdom of those who have stubbed their toes along the same paths. Females use to have men that were willing to work themselves into bad health. Males use to have women that they would kill for.
And the real problem might not be that women, en masse, have forgotten to say no. The real problem might be that men (not all) tend to lie about their emotions in the pursuit of a sex life. ("Uh, yeah, baby, sure I love you" "sure, I'll respect you tomorrow, just take off your dress." "I promise, I won't go no further......." etc.) Reference paragraph above! Men might be surprised, but some woman can handle the raw truth, and don't want to be lead down a primrose path. Don't ask for love when you want sex, and vice versa. Either path is disaster.
Let me let you in on a secret. Guys have always been this way. Gals use to know how to leverage that to their favor. Back in the day, many a socalled playa ended up married with children, if he really wanted some. Yall have forgotten how to seal the deal. Closing a sale, is a refined art.
I can't speak for all women, I never settled for the "Barack" cause, I was no "Michelle"--and I figured as soon as dude saw the warts on my butt he'd be out of there. I settled for a ruff-neck, OG, ('fa real) round-the-hood Black Man. Yeah, he has his flaws, but hey, so do I.
What's wrong with stepping up to the plate and being the best you can be for the right guy? Have we gotten lazy in our education and prosperity?
My Hero? More than that--My King!! Dealt with my teenage daughter, all that comes with that, my bad choices (some really bad!!) jail sentences (his and mine!) Within 13 years, that dude left my presence, but not my heart.
Geez! That's a lot of drama
He's outside now, barbequing. He'll tell anyone he loves me, without reservation, and shout it from that Hoverround!!!! I'll tell anyone the very same about him. Now Dig that!!
Aint nothing wrong with that. Hey, he is your version of Barack. Caring, loving and there thru thick and thin!
To paraphrase Bro Kwabena, I might not have a Barack, but mine is the one for me--without a doubt.
Barack wasnt prez when Michelle met him either, was he?