Black Relationships : Sisters - Stop Letting Men Mistreat You - You Are No Where Near as Weak and Fragile as You Claim!

Sorry, I just don't equate the situation you described as being equal. I just don't see being stuck with child support as the same as being stuck with being pregnant and being a teenager. But yes, I do believe you in that women do trick men and become pregnant and I see this as a trap, but I just don't see it as being the same as a young woman being trapped and faced with the horrible decision of whether to drop her baby off at a day care center to have to go and work or etc. A man does not have to deal with this kind of issue. It is just not the same. I can imagine that it is hard for a man to find out he's been trapped though and have to pay child support and I wouldn't wish that on no man.

But in regards to Sister Destee, she has already stated that she has expanded to include men too, that feel they are trapped into relationships. But again, I have a hard time understanding this moreso, from a man being trapped. I do undertand how men can be unfairly manipulated and trapped but not from the level of which this thread is addressing though. I am not discounting what you say though, just have a hard time seeing it right now.
I can see a man who was deceived into conceiving a child the same as a woman who has a child, having to deal with the consequences. I know 4 friends who, by their own will got a woman pregnant, things didn't work out. The women are giving them pure de hell!! They pay child support and want to be in the children's life, but the women don't want it, because they don't want to be with them. Granted 3 of them were less than stellar boyfriends, but they are good fathers. I watched a man cry because his daughter was suppose to come to his birthday party and the mother was mad because the girlfriend was going to be there. It hurts both ways. I do believe that having a child that a man will not love and support is stressful, but men go through it too and I have seen that it cuts just as deep sometimes.
 
I can see a man who was deceived into conceiving a child the same as a woman who has a child, having to deal with the consequences. I know 4 friends who, by their own will got a woman pregnant, things didn't work out. The women are giving them pure de hell!! They pay child support and want to be in the children's life, but the women don't want it, because they don't want to be with them. Granted 3 of them were less than stellar boyfriends, but they are good fathers. I watched a man cry because his daughter was suppose to come to his birthday party and the mother was mad because the girlfriend was going to be there. It hurts both ways. I do believe that having a child that a man will not love and support is stressful, but men go through it too and I have seen that it cuts just as deep sometimes.

yes, I wouldn't wish that on no man, and again, I don't discount it, just have a hard time seeing it as equal. You know, even the Bible speaks of what you say in terms of men being 'done in' by women, and I am grateful that I never had to be in a situation in which I was stuck as a teenager with a baby and being abandoned, and when I think about this and hear Sister Destee's story, I just don't know how women overcome this.

Sure, I've seen men's heart being ripped out by women who plot on them, but interms of a teen age girl who has a baby, no mother, and having been abandoned by the father, what can she do? To me, it's not about being hurt because you can't see your child on your birthday, but it's about survival. I have a relative, a man, who had four sons, and his wife abandoned her sons in the worst way, framed him and got him arrested, and she actually went off with his cousin!--I hurt for this man, my relative, because he is thinking about the welfare of his children, but again, i still have a hard time equating this with a young teen age girl stuck with a baby, with no momma, and no financial means to care for her baby. She is faced with a terrible decision(s). She either has to give up her child, one way or another... to someone...This is what I think about, but you know, I could be wrong.
 
Sisters ... please stop letting men mistreat you.

Stop acting like a victim of your own choices, remaining with these men, as if you can do no different.

Stop acting like you're so weak, fragile, and unable to hear the obvious regarding your choices.

This is a topic so close to my heart ... oh my gosh ... i feel another apology is finna be needed ... dang.

I've got to weigh my words so heavily, it becomes burdensome to even speak.

Please forgive me in advance, should such be warranted.

Ohhhhhhhh ... this topic is so close to my heart !!!

How can Sisters be this delicate glass vessel, with hearts so fragile, raising babies alone, oftentimes feeding, sheltering, and clothing the men that live with them but won't marry them, along with providing the same for the children, while he has as many women as he wants, and she is struggling to do everything, even putting up with getting hit and stuff, taking whoopn's from grown men, heart broke every day 'cause they aint gett'n nuth'n they want, being used and abused by men that say they love them, going through this kind of rigorous and volatile living ... and then at the same time ... claim to be so weak, fragile, and unable to bear hearing the truth of their own situation and circumstance?! How can this be?!!

For the record, the stuff i've said in this thread, the stuff i'm saying now, i'd say to my Daughter.

But my Daughter grew up with me, she's had a lifetime of this, she's seen how it's all connected together.

To talk the same way to someone else's Daughter, that has no foundation for which to place any of this on, is problematic.

I remember talking to a young Sister some time ago. She was going through with a young man, kinda crying to me about it ... which i personally have very little patience for, even from my Daughter, though i oblige her because she's mine ... but this little Sister, i love her too, and was willing to try to help ... but what i found ... was that she tried applying the stuff i said, with no real backbone in her, no foundation to stand on, regarding the things that were coming out of her mouth to the man in her life ... (mostly my words) ... and he's looking at her like, where you get this from?! ... 'cause she was all brand new ... and shaking in her boots as she spoke ... because it was not something that was truly in her ... though she was trying to make it be a part of herself ... it looked fake and foreign. I felt bad. I thot, gosh, i gotta be careful advising ... for without some kind of real understanding ... my thots and words could get a young woman in more trouble, if she aint really ready for that.

Now, my Daughter ... i hold no punches ... she gets it straight ... no chaser ... but everyone's Daughter aint ready for that.

So it's hard for me to contain myself sometimes, on this topic, for i'm accustomed to saying what i want.

Bottom line though ... is that there are a lot of Sisters putting up with no good men ... and they should stop.

These grown men are not your children and you should not be trying to raise them or look like their Mommas.

If a man mistreats you, and you remain with him, you are giving him permission to mistreat you for forever.

If you have young children, and are trying to date / hold on to a man, you really don't wanna hear nuth'n i gotta say.

I have some very strong opinion regarding such things, and if you put your stuff on the table, it's not my fault alone if you hear it.

In fact, the reason most won't put such on the table, is because they know they're being foolish to begin with.

They don't want anyone to know, or want to hear anyone say, leave him ... because as much as it hurts, you like it on some level.

I've found that most women will continue to be mistreated, even if those closest to them beg them to make it stop.

For folk that go into the fire, eyes wide open, knowing what they will receive ... is a strength and not a weakness.

They're just using their own strength, against their own self.

I don't wanna hear that weak and fragile talk ... from Sisters that are taking whoopn'z from grown *** men ... please.

Men hit hard ... and if you can take that ... live to talk about it, go back to it, and wait for more ... fragile shouldn't be in your vocabulary.

Don't cry fragile and weak and poor me ... and actually want sympathy ... when you're signing up for this kind of treatment.

Again ... my apologies if they are warranted ... but i promise ... i would and have said the same thing to my own Daughter and self.

You gotta love yourself ... even if no one else ever does.

Love You!

:heart:

Destee


I dont know if this has been addressed already but; how do you feel if the situation involves children? Do you think a woman should do what she can to work it out or just leave?
 
This is some real ish here that I'm about to say. I never took the time to actually think about the pain of a man regarding this issue even though I myself was played once. However, I want to go back a little further. I have three brother and a sister supposedly by my step father. Now when I was growing up it never dawned on me that my step father wasn't my real father. Even though me and my brothers didn't have the same last name, I was told as a child that it was because I was born before they got married...fine. Then when they started arguing and fighting with each other, I would hear my mother say ish to my father like; "take your dam hands off of him, he ain't your son" (talking about me). Now the way this stuff was going, I was getting some serious @ss whippings from both sides of the fence.

It seemed like he was wearing my @ss out because I wasn't his and she kept throwing it in his face....and then she was wearing my @ss out because whenever I messed up (like I was supposed to know), in her mind somewhere it was making her look bad. This ish got so serious that my Aunt in Richmond VA. took me away from my parents when I was very young to live with her for a while. I didn't remember the earlier beat downs because I was too young but I had memories of living in Virginia. The my Aunt moved to Baltimore and took me with her.

After I got older and went back to actually interview the people that my parents used to hang out with, they filled in a lot of the missing pieces in terms of why I was treated the way that I was, and here's how it went.

My Mother was 15 years old when she had me up in Canada. So obviously my mother was loose juice when she was young. My step father was in the Air Force and was stationed in Canada at the time. Apparently he (being 7 years older than her) got the goodies and get her pregnant. He then was sent back to Texas where he was originally stationed at before coming to Canada. One day my pregnant mother was walking to the Air force base in Canada to see him. It was a blizzard outside and she had me in her arms with her belly sticking all out. The commander at the base told her that my step father had been sent back to Texas. As she was leaving he asked her if the baby she was carrying belonged to him? She said yes. They immediately called his @ss back to Canada and had him get her and me and bring us to the U.S.

Apparently my step father came from one of them stuck up light skinned families that back in the day were regarded as something special simply because of their complexion, bearing in mind that back in the 50's and 60's, light skinned black people basically were the power players in terms of the jobs and politics back then. So we get to Raleigh N.C. to his moms house where he grew up at. Immediately the turmoil began. On my step fathers side of the family, one brother was a pro basketball player...another used to play for the Atlanta Falcons....another owns a news paper company... and with my step father being in the Air Force, they had him doing computers way back in the 60's. Therefore my mother was regarded as having "trapped him" and ruining his life as his family looked at it.

My sister is not my step fathers baby. I don't know if he ever knew it but I darn sure knew it. So my point is that, Black men and women have this tendency to somehow think "more of themselves" instead of the relationship that they are supposed to be having with each other and this is where the problems start. Does music influence us? Yes it does. I watched this happen as Janet Jackson's song; "what have you done for me lately" became a national anthem of many sisters who were in relationships. From there it went to "ain't nothing goin on but the rent"...and it may have even started earlier. Knowing what I now know, I know that my mother began doing her thing because he was doing his. So all this back and forth, hurting each other while hurting ourselves is again some residue that was passed from slavery on down and we still haven't deprogrammed from it yet.
 
This is some real ish here that I'm about to say. I never took the time to actually think about the pain of a man regarding this issue even though I myself was played once. However, I want to go back a little further. I have three brother and a sister supposedly by my step father. Now when I was growing up it never dawned on me that my step father wasn't my real father. Even though me and my brothers didn't have the same last name, I was told as a child that it was because I was born before they got married...fine. Then when they started arguing and fighting with each other, I would hear my mother say ish to my father like; "take your dam hands off of him, he ain't your son" (talking about me). Now the way this stuff was going, I was getting some serious @ss whippings from both sides of the fence.

It seemed like he was wearing my @ss out because I wasn't his and she kept throwing it in his face....and then she was wearing my @ss out because whenever I messed up (like I was supposed to know), in her mind somewhere it was making her look bad. This ish got so serious that my Aunt in Richmond VA. took me away from my parents when I was very young to live with her for a while. I didn't remember the earlier beat downs because I was too young but I had memories of living in Virginia. The my Aunt moved to Baltimore and took me with her.

After I got older and went back to actually interview the people that my parents used to hang out with, they filled in a lot of the missing pieces in terms of why I was treated the way that I was, and here's how it went.

My Mother was 15 years old when she had me up in Canada. So obviously my mother was loose juice when she was young. My step father was in the Air Force and was stationed in Canada at the time. Apparently he (being 7 years older than her) got the goodies and get her pregnant. He then was sent back to Texas where he was originally stationed at before coming to Canada. One day my pregnant mother was walking to the Air force base in Canada to see him. It was a blizzard outside and she had me in her arms with her belly sticking all out. The commander at the base told her that my step father had been sent back to Texas. As she was leaving he asked her if the baby she was carrying belonged to him? She said yes. They immediately called his @ss back to Canada and had him get her and me and bring us to the U.S.

Apparently my step father came from one of them stuck up light skinned families that back in the day were regarded as something special simply because of their complexion, bearing in mind that back in the 50's and 60's, light skinned black people basically were the power players in terms of the jobs and politics back then. So we get to Raleigh N.C. to his moms house where he grew up at. Immediately the turmoil began. On my step fathers side of the family, one brother was a pro basketball player...another used to play for the Atlanta Falcons....another owns a news paper company... and with my step father being in the Air Force, they had him doing computers way back in the 60's. Therefore my mother was regarded as having "trapped him" and ruining his life as his family looked at it.

My sister is not my step fathers baby. I don't know if he ever knew it but I darn sure knew it. So my point is that, Black men and women have this tendency to somehow think "more of themselves" instead of the relationship that they are supposed to be having with each other and this is where the problems start. Does music influence us? Yes it does. I watched this happen as Janet Jackson's song; "what have you done for me lately" became a national anthem of many sisters who were in relationships. From there it went to "ain't nothing goin on but the rent"...and it may have even started earlier. Knowing what I now know, I know that my mother began doing her thing because he was doing his. So all this back and forth, hurting each other while hurting ourselves is again some residue that was passed from slavery on down and we still haven't deprogrammed from it yet.

thas real right there my brother....thank you for giving us ur perspective....
not in all cases...but from what i've seen in my 40 years on this earth it generally takes 2 to tangle....

one love
khasm
 

Donate

Support destee.com, the oldest, most respectful, online black community in the world - PayPal or CashApp

Latest profile posts

HODEE wrote on Etophil's profile.
Welcome to Destee
@Etophil
Destee wrote on SleezyBigSlim's profile.
Hi @SleezyBigSlim ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :flowers: ... please make yourself at home ... :swings:
Back
Top