Black Relationships : Sisters - Stop Letting Men Mistreat You - You Are No Where Near as Weak and Fragile as You Claim!

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Destee, Apr 3, 2012.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sisters ... please stop letting men mistreat you.

    Stop acting like a victim of your own choices, remaining with these men, as if you can do no different.

    Stop acting like you're so weak, fragile, and unable to hear the obvious regarding your choices.

    This is a topic so close to my heart ... oh my gosh ... i feel another apology is finna be needed ... dang.

    I've got to weigh my words so heavily, it becomes burdensome to even speak.

    Please forgive me in advance, should such be warranted.

    Ohhhhhhhh ... this topic is so close to my heart !!!

    How can Sisters be this delicate glass vessel, with hearts so fragile, raising babies alone, oftentimes feeding, sheltering, and clothing the men that live with them but won't marry them, along with providing the same for the children, while he has as many women as he wants, and she is struggling to do everything, even putting up with getting hit and stuff, taking whoopn's from grown men, heart broke every day 'cause they aint gett'n nuth'n they want, being used and abused by men that say they love them, going through this kind of rigorous and volatile living ... and then at the same time ... claim to be so weak, fragile, and unable to bear hearing the truth of their own situation and circumstance?! How can this be?!!

    For the record, the stuff i've said in this thread, the stuff i'm saying now, i'd say to my Daughter.

    But my Daughter grew up with me, she's had a lifetime of this, she's seen how it's all connected together.

    To talk the same way to someone else's Daughter, that has no foundation for which to place any of this on, is problematic.

    I remember talking to a young Sister some time ago. She was going through with a young man, kinda crying to me about it ... which i personally have very little patience for, even from my Daughter, though i oblige her because she's mine ... but this little Sister, i love her too, and was willing to try to help ... but what i found ... was that she tried applying the stuff i said, with no real backbone in her, no foundation to stand on, regarding the things that were coming out of her mouth to the man in her life ... (mostly my words) ... and he's looking at her like, where you get this from?! ... 'cause she was all brand new ... and shaking in her boots as she spoke ... because it was not something that was truly in her ... though she was trying to make it be a part of herself ... it looked fake and foreign. I felt bad. I thot, gosh, i gotta be careful advising ... for without some kind of real understanding ... my thots and words could get a young woman in more trouble, if she aint really ready for that.

    Now, my Daughter ... i hold no punches ... she gets it straight ... no chaser ... but everyone's Daughter aint ready for that.

    So it's hard for me to contain myself sometimes, on this topic, for i'm accustomed to saying what i want.

    Bottom line though ... is that there are a lot of Sisters putting up with no good men ... and they should stop.

    These grown men are not your children and you should not be trying to raise them or look like their Mommas.

    If a man mistreats you, and you remain with him, you are giving him permission to mistreat you for forever.

    If you have young children, and are trying to date / hold on to a man, you really don't wanna hear nuth'n i gotta say.

    I have some very strong opinion regarding such things, and if you put your stuff on the table, it's not my fault alone if you hear it.

    In fact, the reason most won't put such on the table, is because they know they're being foolish to begin with.

    They don't want anyone to know, or want to hear anyone say, leave him ... because as much as it hurts, you like it on some level.

    I've found that most women will continue to be mistreated, even if those closest to them beg them to make it stop.

    For folk that go into the fire, eyes wide open, knowing what they will receive ... is a strength and not a weakness.

    They're just using their own strength, against their own self.

    I don't wanna hear that weak and fragile talk ... from Sisters that are taking whoopn'z from grown *** men ... please.

    Men hit hard ... and if you can take that ... live to talk about it, go back to it, and wait for more ... fragile shouldn't be in your vocabulary.

    Don't cry fragile and weak and poor me ... and actually want sympathy ... when you're signing up for this kind of treatment.

    Again ... my apologies if they are warranted ... but i promise ... i would and have said the same thing to my own Daughter and self.

    You gotta love yourself ... even if no one else ever does.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  2. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    Well said.
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sisters ... you might get some sympathy in the beginning, the first time he makes you cry, but that's about it.

    That's the thing with letting someone mistreat you ... it's only so long folk are gonna feel sorry for you.

    It's just the way it is. If one wants forever sympathy, they're probably gonna hafta go another route.

    Women that stay with men that mistreat them, and have children too, do themselves and their children a great injustice.

    Gosh ... on so many levels ... but even as it relates to support from others ... for crying wolf will only work so long.

    Yes, we are all at different levels, and if someone chooses to remain in such, they're gonna go thru what it brings.

    The least of which is what others think about it ... for the mental, emotional, physical abuse outranks all another could think.

    I'm not buying the fragile, weak, talk when someone hits you, or mistreats you, and you go back ... i just aint buy'n it.

    But you can ... you can go thru with them ... that's the great thing about community ... what one can't do, another can.

    I am gonna be very hard on any Sister ... especially young Mothers ... for so much is at stake ... the babies are in it too.

    It's one thing if a Sister wants to mess up her life, stay with a no good man, but what about the babies.

    The damage done to them ... no one is even trying to see ... and it's humongous.

    Letting these no good men come in and out of your life, upset the children's peace, that aint rite.

    I am that Single Black Mother, raising babies alone ... i did it ... and aint no man beat on me or mistreated us.

    Aint no man laid up in my bed and house, chill'n wit my chiren, while i was at work ... please.

    You can't trust these men with your own self, let alone your children, it's ridiculous!

    Babies wake'n up with strange men in the house, can't walk around freely, no safe space for the children.

    That's wrong. Sending all the wrong messages to the children, but oftentimes, the Mommas aint no more than chiren themselves.

    I was a child ... pregnant at 16 ... gave birth at 17 ... i've been down this road ... and without my Momma ... i can't imagine.

    So yeah ... i may seem harsh ... but there's no time for sugar-coating stuff as Sister Mimi said ... it just aint.

    Aint no tell'n what that man is doing to your Daughter or your Son, when you leave to go to work.

    He already mistreating you ... not you persay, but you know what i mean ... already mistreating the Momma.

    That should be enough mistreat'n ... but instead ... the Mommas are staying with them.

    Not only staying with them ... but taking care of them ... taking food out of their children's mouth, to feed a grown man!

    A grown man that won't work, can't work, whatever ... please ... then he aint suppose to eat or have shelter or anything.

    Sisters need to stop it ... asap ... like yesterday.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. MsVeraisblessed

    MsVeraisblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    See, this is why i'm so not ready to let my daughter go out on dates.

    Then i remembered,...She aint got no life...Her 4 rottreiler brothers won't even let her look at a boy let alone a boy looking at her.

    To be honest, I'm so not ready for her to go thru this pain called life, anyway....
     
  5. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    I remember an old "Good Times" episode when Florida told James that he wanted to let the wolf (J.J.) out the door but wanted to lock up "little red riding hood" (Thelma). ----She was telling him how he would puff out his chest about his son's escapades but his "wolf" son was going out with somebody's daughter too.
     
  6. MsVeraisblessed

    MsVeraisblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yeah i remember that scene...:D

    James was always patting his son on the back when it came down to J.J. talk'n and date'n girls. I mean they was fine black girls too. As soon Thelma is going on a date, James be looking at them boys crazy like he going stomp a mudhole in they behind
     
  7. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    Yep....Same thing between your daughter and "4 rottweiler sons" and their sister.----They're going out with somebody's sister and daughter too.

    ...I remember when I started "developing." ---My brothers didn't wanna let me out the house! lol

    I could barely walk to the corner store for a soda! lol
     
  8. MsVeraisblessed

    MsVeraisblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    she's going thru the same thing...po' chile..
     
  9. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    I remember that scene too, but it's so different for the boys, than the girls.

    This aint about the boys right now, no more than not letting them do you.

    Boys think, act, respond, and ultimately have different consequences regarding sex.

    They are more like wolves ... more aggressive ... on the hunt ... it seems part of their dna.

    They're gonna take your stuff if you leave it laying out there, if not one, then another will.

    Sisters must keep and hold on to their stuff, and if they can't or don't, it's on her alone.

    Brothers don't feel about your stuff, the way you do, not like you do ... he has to grow to that.

    It's the way it is. Boys and Girls are different, and will occasionally need to be treated different.

    Yeah ... Brothers got some lessons to learn too ... but even if they never learn ... then what?

    You just keep make'n babies for 'em, crying 'bout how they treat you, and keep feed'n em?

    You mad 'cause they won't stop you from being foolish?! You want them to stop the gravy train you're providing?!

    Please. Lay a dollar in the middle of the street, and see what happens. It's gonna get took / picked up / sump'n.

    You make it too easy for 'em ... shoot, they aint even gotta pick the dollar up ... some of us will do that too.

    Sisters could stop some of these tears they cry'n ... they own self ... and should.

    If you wait'n for a Brother to stop mistreating you, on his own, you might better bring your lunch.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  10. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    Ummm....You "preaching to the choir" with me. lol

    I even wrote a POEM about it: http://destee.com/index.php?threads/beneficiaries.61239/
     
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