Black Women : Sisterhood among black women

oldiesman said:
a million black women on the mall,everybody say-C-A-T-F-I-G-H-T,black women can barely get along at the bus stop,i ain't tryin to be funny but sisters hate each other more then they hate white women.

I think we need to be careful about generalizing because I don't know any Black women who feel this way. You may be talking about a certain demographic of Black woman?
 
There's nothing like a sister in my opinion. But then, I'm extremely partial toward them and rightfully so, because I am one, and I'm glad that I am.

Sisters cover the spectrum when it comes to expressing ourselves. I make no excuses for the ones who are angry and exhibit misplaced rage. As sure as there are some who will stab another sister in the back--figuratively speaking--there are also those who will breathe the breath of life into you when you need them to.

Are there ignorant and ill-behaved sisters out there? Sure there are, but that shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone or even make you angry or upset at them because feeling that way won't change anything. Those of us who think we are better adjusted emotionally and spiritually as Black women should function as sages and healers for our "ill" sisters. The disease that many of us suffer from didn't take hold of us over night and we won't rid it over night. It's a process, one that takes patience, understanding, love and support from us and our healthy brothers.

In our struggle and quest as Black/African people for a rightful place in this world, it does absolutely no good to point the finger at each other as though we are separate and unequal. We must teach each other, show each other "the way" and we can do that by example. We need to learn how to be persuasive and coach each other from a loving spirit and less critical one. This doesn't mean that we must ignore when wrongs have been done, no, wrongs need to be addressed. But when they are, we need to be prepared to offer suggestions and provide examples of better ways to replace negative behavior.

When a sister does something to hurt another sister, how many of us will make an effort to tell that sister what she is doing is wrong and she should stop?

How many of us (sisters) will participate in gossip about another sister that would be hurtful and harmful if she was to know what was being said about her?

How many Black mothers are raising their Black daughters to learn why it's important not to deliberately hurt another sister for dumb reasons?

How many of us are teaching each other in the ways of how to build strong and lasting sister-relationships, even if it means that telling each other the truth may hurt some feelings?

How many brothers are willing to step forward to help build healthier relationships with sisters by doing less finger pointing and being more open and honest about their feelings when she does things that hurt him, disappoint him or disillusion him? How many brothers know how to communicate with sisters in that way or are willing to hang in there to learn how to?

And to anyone who thinks that sisters hate each other, you're wrong! Grant it you may have seen some things that lead you to believe this is true, but it is absolutely and without a doubt in my mind false. Personally, I have wonderful sister friends, some whom I've been fortunate to meet over the internet like Destee. I have sister friends that date back to when I was 8-9 years old. This is no cliche', but my BEST friends are sisters and one of them is my daughter! I love me and I see me in them and them in me. I don't have the same connection with women of other races even though some I have called "friend."

This is not intended to make excuses for Black women, but this has not been an easy journey for us. As other women, our estrogen levels spike and drop throughout the month and it can give people the impression that we're crazy at times. I know....I've been there! :) There have been times when I haven't been as patient or understanding of a sister and have even been critical. But thank goodness that passes eventually and I'm able to correct myself. But even if I don't always agree with my sisters, my love for sisters is far longer than any trivial disagreement that we might have.

I'm extremely territorial when it comes to sisters! I'm not going to let anyone beat up on her and get away with it! I will never take sides with anyone white against her. I will give a brother a little lee-way but there's a limit to even that if he goes on too long about her to the point of judging all Black women by her ill behavior.

So, that's my .02 worth.

Queenie :)
 
What can be done to improve Sisterhood?

This very question is very awkward for me because I haven't experience many situations where I didn't connect to a Sister. I also leave room for disagreements and confrontations, as this is something that manisfest in my relationships with my blood sisters.

All my life, I have been the type of person who believes you get back what you put in, and people will treat you accordingly. If a person gave me the wrong vibe, I would first interact with that person to see if it was just some hidden issues I was dealing with. If it was indeed me, I tried to understand why I felt that way and what changes I could make to relinguish it.

Yes, I have had physical fights with Sisters, and Brothers too as a matter of fact. But most of those fights had been the result of someone threatening my loved ones. It's only so much a Sister can stand. I never done the "thats my man scenerio, or that so and so thinks she's cute." I don't even like being around people who always have something negative to say about another. This makes me sick.

One thing I do when interacting with Sisters, I try not to be judgemental first. I try to paint myself in their shoes, which usually brings me a great level of understanding about that person. Once I can understand where she's coming from, Sisterhood isn't hard to obtain. If I find that I can't understand, then it's simple. I move on. No hate, no hard feelings. Just a misunderstanding of persons.
 
NNQueen said:
In our struggle and quest as Black/African people for a rightful place in this world, it does absolutely no good to point the finger at each other as though we are separate and unequal.
I agree, it becomes divisive and we should have learned our lesson from this Willie Lynch trick long ago...

When a sister does something to hurt another sister, how many of us will make an effort to tell that sister what she is doing is wrong and she should stop?
It depends on how well I know the sisters involved. I try to address these situations when I see them, but I generally stay out of other people's drama if I don't know anything about the situtation or don't think I'll be of any assistance. The last thing I want to do is put myself in the middle of a potential cat fight, but if someone comes up to me saying how they don't like someone that I consider my sister I will not entertain them and direct them to the person they have the issue with.

How many of us (sisters) will participate in gossip about another sister that would be hurtful and harmful if she was to know what was being said about her?
I think we are all guilty of this from time to time, but we have to be better. I try my best to say things to someone's face if I am bold enough to say it while they are not present. I do this also if I hear someone else say something about someone. I will often ask the person and report back to the "gossiper" if what they have been saying is untrue.

How many Black mothers are raising their Black daughters to learn why it's important not to deliberately hurt another sister for dumb reasons?
One of the sisters I know and look up to is a good example of this. She has two daughters and is very protective of their feelings in the sense that she doesn't allow people to bring unnecessary drama to them. I saw her, last week, kindly explain to a sister who was being hard on them while they were practicing a dance routine, that the feelings of women and girls are not meant to be taken for granted over petty things. She said when their hormones are ranging very little matters, and preteen girls are very sensitive.

This is not intended to make excuses for Black women, but this has not been an easy journey for us. As other women, our estrogen levels spike and drop throughout the month and it can give people the impression that we're crazy at times. I know....I've been there! :) There have been times when I haven't been as patient or understanding of a sister and have even been critical. But thank goodness that passes eventually and I'm able to correct myself. But even if I don't always agree with my sisters, my love for sisters is far longer than any trivial disagreement that we might have.
This reminds me of families in general. If an outsider comes in on the middle of something and they see a family arguing and fighting, they may think they hate each other. The next day, the same family members may have resolved whatever they were fighting about and be just as loving, calm, and peaceful as they can be. But, if all I saw was the fight I would think they all have serious issues :).

This is a reason I don't get in the middle when I see sisters fighting each other. I know if I take sides, the next day they'll both be my enemy because they will have made up by then and wonder why I was up in their business to begin with.
 
Destee said:
Sister Karmashines ... I have always had very positive, encouraging, warm, and wonderful relationships with Sisters (and Brothers too). I base it simply on what i bring to the table, as i usually get the same in return.

I'm sure other Sisters will share their thoughts.

:heart:

Destee

Thank you, Destee. I give the same regards.
 

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