Black Relationships : sister luv

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Alkebulan, Apr 14, 2004.

  1. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    the other day n chat a sister observed that where she was living not only were sightings of blk ppl rare, particularly compared to where she last lived, but when she did c blk's she was somewhat distressed over the large # of blk men w yt women. i know the interacial paring/marriage has prob been done 2 death n the minds of many, & it is not my purpose 2 initiate another thread on that topic. my view is, that is much more a manifestation of our issues than the cause of them.

    i believe both genders harbor some resentment toward e/o on some level, and most of the blk males i know seem reluctant to air them out anywhere they can b overheard by females. there may well b barriers, real or imagined, or both, to frank, no holds barred, contructive (f all of those r possible at the same time) dialogue attempting to address what, f anything, is keeping us fractionalized.

    n my opinion brothers do feel an inordinate amount of pressure 2 b 'successful', particularly n the $$ dept, f they r 2 b able 2 successfully 'compete' 4 a sisters attention. some of that pressure is self inflicted, a large measure of it is media inspired, & i do feel that some, & i emphasize that qualifier, some, sisters add 2 it by buying n2 that mindset. i also feel that some sisters do come off, based on what they discuss most of the time, as materialistic 2 the extreme, but thats tru of people n general as well. some folk just seem 2 define themselves by what they own or what they r acquiring currently, or what they plan 2 own n the near future. n the meantime, they also want 2 know what u own.

    as a blk man, i think that some of us need 2 expand our relationship base/options w the blk woman. i used 2 hv a friend who felt that, at least n the present, he was unable 2 handle a romantic relationship w any blk woman. thats not the way i feel, but i can relate. fine. my ? is, does that mean that u cannot hv a relationship n any form whatsoever? find a blk woman u feel 2 b approachable, dependable, interesting or otherwise deserving, by whatever terms u favor, & tell her, or even better, show her, she has ur support, n a non sexually contingent way. many of the other things that blk men need r, not surprisingly, the same things that they seek, from the blk woman. i still believe that we r much more alike than we r different.

    personally, i luv the black woman like no other. i don t care how much they try 2 portray their no liped, thinly hipped, overriped mellon of a skeleton as the 'standard' 2 judge beauty by, once u ve been treated royally by a sister who came correct, there won t b much else the others can do 4 u.

    we do seem 2 hv a difficult time w open honest communication at times. i hv 2 admit, i sometimes just sit & wonder why we seem 2 bicker so frequently, b/c i believe deep down inside we truly luv each other fervently & passionatly, but we hv some major dichotomy, albeit hidden, separating us. i sometimes think that n the end, we're all still little children inside, looking 4 someone 2 play w & b our friend & not judge us 2 harshly & not stay mad at us when we screw up, some1 who'll comfort & luv us. back n the hood we used 2 do that, guys & gals, & it came so naturally.

    then we grew up.

    :uhoh: :uhoh:
     
  2. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Brother Alkebulan, I love your essay, thank you!

    With so much negative information flying our way every day about what's "wrong" with us as a people, I can see why it seems easy to many of us to just throw up our arms in frustration and seek "happiness" in someone else's back yard. It's difficult to counter the attacks against us and still see clearly through the smog.

    I believe that Black men and Black women often blame each other for our condition today. I think we understand that it's not our fault for having been enslaved, but when we look at people from other races and compare ourselves to them, I think we get frustrated because we want to experience the "good" life too. We bark, we bite, we scratch and we turn our backs on each other sometimes. I often wonder if the Blacks that do choose to participate in interracial relationships are in them simply because of human attraction or could there be...even slightly...other reasons to explain it as well.

    Black on Black love will never cease to exist though. Like you said, it's too powerful to die and it will stand the test of time. I'm not sure why our fate has been such that it has over the centuries. Was there ever a time since our existence on this planet when Black people didn't suffer? It would be nice for a change to be able to wake up and not have to be conscious of our Black skin and how it's perceived in the world. *sigh*

    Love in the form of respect and admiration between Black men and Black women is the glue that will hold the planet together. The things that attract many of us to each other today are the same trinkets and baubles that we got traded for over 400 years ago. We need to learn that all that glitters isn't gold and the importance of knowing that is more than just a cliche'. What we are being enticed by may only bring temporary happiness. The price we will pay if we keep seeking false happiness will destroy us.

    My humble opinion...

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  3. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hi sister nnqueen :wave:

    thank u 4 ur support. i notice ur responses virtually everywhere n the forums. don't tell the others, but i look 4 them & :read: all those i find. urs is the prudent voice of reason & u hv taught me more than u kno.

    :thanks:
     
  4. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    NN Queen is deep, and I agree with her post 100%. Excellent answer....what more is there to say.
     
  5. LibertyLady

    LibertyLady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Now these people upstairs here .......Knows what knowledge is....amen


    alkebulan ,queenie, and pan....

    i couldnt get it all because i still have some problems with the difficult words but from what i got was good....


    truth...





    Lovelibertylady:heart:
     
  6. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks libertylady

    ur words r encouraging & ur humility is refreashing. we appreciate the feedback.

    :spinn:
     
  7. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Personally I agree with my main Alkebulan and NNQueen; however to add my half a cent to it. And this is just a personal experience that has just worked for me and a few people I know.

    Most of the black women I meet are usually cool, I do not really share the same problems outlined in brother Alkebulan’s essay, most of the problems I have are meeting black women who are close minded (That is Black Women from America to Africa) and who assume that they are entitled to something from me that I refuse to give. However in defense of the women I talk to, I am a no non-sense black male, I do not take crap or lip off of a woman, so usually when these females start tripping I usually start replacing.

    I think the problem with a lot of Black Men is that they cannot handle Black Women. I myself have created ways and solutions to deal with them that have been effective for me in my lifetime. The only reason why I have never had a committed relationship, girlfriend or wife is because I choose not too. This is one solution. I realized that avoiding these traps and fallacies of life only helped my cause and strengthed me; thus I felt like this was one solution.

    So with that said, I think some of our brothers need to get right, a lot of Black Women intimidate Black Men (Especially if she make her own money and do not need him for nothing), the only woman who intimidates me is my mama, that is it. I will never be intimidated by a woman, and you can tell God, Sirius, Allah or whoever yo god or creator person is I said that. I make my own money so I aint got to ask a woman for nothing, I think when you take a woman's dollar you are enslaved to her and thus this is the reason why I will suffer than take something from a woman. I prefer this attitude because I let the woman know off the back that she is not needed, I aint really worried about being her husband I am a hustler and I sure aint trying to be the father for her kids I am a filmmaker, so I do not get down like that. The only reason why I developed this attitude was because I got tired of Black Women talking a Brother does not have this or a Brother does not have that, and I needed a way to let these Black Women know I do not need them and as far as sex is concerned Grease, Lotion, Pornography and other races was made for a reason. And as far as making kids, I think they are expensive so that aint happenin in my lifetime. I adapted a method of self sufficiency that basically gave leverage for me to talk to whatever and whichever woman I want. I refuse to be the subject to a woman's orders or demands, I refuse to beg her for time or conversation if she does not want to talk to me, I cut her off end of story. And this also applies to all other races not just those of African Descent. So Kill that thought you just thought.

    This moral code has been written upon the tablets of my heart and etched onto the banner of my soul, it will never be changed. So yall and my mama can stop dreaming of my soul mate, or the person who will sweep me off of my feet, she does not exist and she is not wanted. My Mother, Sister and Aunt’s and Female Cousins and Friends are all the women I need in my life. I would commit suicide before I stayed with a woman or who put with a woman who is none of the above. The Female Species is annoying and aggravating and I have found a very small number of them that I respect and admire, they were mentioned in the aforementioned sentence and a lot of them are members of destee.com. I cannot see any other women in my life influencing my affairs or even involved with me but those mentioned above.

    Remember this opinion only applies to me personally because I know that everybody man aint as crazy as I am. :smile:

    Thank yall for having me. I just wanted to show an alternative way to deal with women which has been effective for me and a few other people that I know.
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Brother Manasia C, I'm not sure why, but some of what you wrote made me a little sad, yet I still respect your candidness because it seems that you know what you want, know how to get it and have the discipline to seek it. That's rare.

    I think my sadness though, stems from your opinion of women in general, other than those you mentioned who you invite into your life. I can't imagine what has happened to you to make you feel as though "the female species is annoying and aggravating." I know this is just my opinion, but I find that to be scary. It's impossible for me to imagine feeling that way about anyone.

    I do hope though, that during the course of your journey through life, that innocent or naive women aren't being unduly hurt when they encounter you. When the strong and the weak come together, oftentimes strange things tend to happen.

    You seem to have a strong will to survive against being "controlled or dominated" by women and some women may view you as a challenge to melt what gives me the impression is ice around your heart. I can imagine that some may have already tried and failed miserably, leaving you to feel that much stronger about them. But if you don't like or respect women that much, why do you deal with them at all?

    I've learned that as you get older, life has a funny way of teaching its lessons to us. The way you think and behave at 25 may not be the same as when you're 45. Sometimes that can be the beauty of living to be a ripe old age because people can grow mentally and spiritually as they mature. You never know who will come into your life one day that could change your life forever, and in positive ways!

    I bid you peace Brother, and hope that you keep living...
    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  9. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well My opinion does not come from Ice being around my heart. I just do not like the idea of being a servant to another and when I am 95 I will feel the same way. I just do not like the idea of submitting to a woman and it is something I will never do. I have never been hurt before really, usually when I tried to call foul I was playing fouler so I can never really claim the hurt gig.

    As far as dealing with them at all, like I said in the post some women are cool, just alot of them are aggrevating, usually for every 25 women you find about 1 that is not annoying. So with that said I am willing to bob and weave until I find that one cool woman.

    I been like this since a child when it comes to women, this ideology has seperated me from the Brotha always complaining about Black Women, and this aint changing no time soon.

    As far as strong women are concerned they are really the best of grade of women that money cannot buy; however, the strong woman depending upon who she is, usually gets boring after a while and I end up replacing her with another strong one.

    One of the core reasons for my ideals stem from the fact, that I believe having one woman is wrong. Most women do not want to have multiple men in their lives and that is respectable. But as for me, one woman cannot keep my interests alone. I prefer to be honest with women and let them know that I will not be marrying them nor will I be committed to them in this lifetime or the next. I think the institution of marriage is a fraud so, their is no reason for me to pretend to want to be with a woman, when I know I will get another woman the next week.

    These statements are spoken not candidly, they are spoken as serious as the air you breathe. I will live alot alonger without a woman so in that regard, I will see at you 300.

    Like Bob Marley said:

    No Woman No Cry.
     
  10. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks 2 sister nnqueen 4 rescuing this thread & bro man also 4 spiceing it up.

    1 point sometimes overlooked n a discussion like this, we r observing e/o functioning n an environment, society, & operational dynamic that is not only alien but antithetical 2 our natural surroundings. some of us r aware of the cognitive dissonence that generates n us. dubois alluded 2 it when he spoke of the twoness of every negro (his term). some of what we observe & attribute to character traits may b altered patterns of behavior, adoptive or maladoptive, which our brothers or sisters hv developed, not so much intentionally 2 alienate others, but to survive in this hostile, cutthroat competition oriented society.

    it stikes me as odd that something seemingly so natural as pairing off n couples requires such an enormous effort to initiate & sustain. i'm not talkin bout sexing ppl, i'm talking about lasting relationships. i wonder f we will ever b able 2 make any significant progress toward nationbuilding w/o 1st surmounting this obsticle.

    :help:
     
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